So, I am trying to balance this whole single mom, working mom, chauffeur to camp, communications director for a political campaign, nanny, girlfriend/almost fiancée, virtual assistant thing. So yeah, I am doing all of that. The single mom/working mom and … Continue reading
Tag Archives: Motherhood
So, home schooling is a challenge, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world…
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Many people have opinions about home schooling that are less than, hmmmm, kind. My answer: It is none of their freaking business. I know my kid best. There are so many reasons that people do it nowadays, and again-it’s none of their freaking business. I sent my kid to a Christian school for kindergarten and she was chastised the whole year by her teacher. I didn’t learn how much so until after it was over, and I still hear about it years later.
My daughter’s problem, or actually it is not a problem, she is very intelligent. Not just book smarts either. She has “street smarts” or “common sense” to balance her smarts. She is good at cooking and building things and art and science, one of those people who is equally left and right-brained. Some teachers do not value kids that are grade levels ahead, it is too much of a challenge. Since the private school would not work with her need for more work and public schools don’t offer many options, we did an online public school.
This way, she has standardized tests on file, school records that show what her grades are, etc. Basically, for me the structure and accountability are huge factors for why we home school this way. Some home school families even look down on us because they say: “Well if you are not sending your child to public school then why are you doing online public school?” Again, because of the aforementioned reasons. I also like the teacher support, online clubs and classes and field trips.
I am talking about all of this to say that we have one life to live and it is ours. We have our families, our reasons for doing things, choices and paths we have taken, and different ways of viewing things. For me, home schooling allows me to be in control of what she focuses on while doing the necessary work, in a stable and solid learning environment. I can brush over the basic ideals about Greek Gods, but will not waste a month on it. On the other hand, we can spend much more time on American History and do local field trips since D.C. is footsteps away.
I just wish that people would “do them”, and not feel that their way is the only way. I mean when it comes to “Do unto others” or other God’s commandments, of course we should do things God’s way. But when it comes to the way that we live our lives that in no way affects or hurts others, people need to basically keep their mouths shut. I don’t judge those who don’t home school and are wealthy stay at home moms (I know many), so I don’t need to hear one more convo about how she needs to be around kids her age.
She acts, she sings, she dances, she takes art classes, she is in scouting, she bowls, she plays an instrument. I think she’s good. And, when she goes into the workplace, it is highly unlikely she will work in an environment where everyone that she works with and deals with is 22 years old. So, having friends of all ages and all walks of life is actually very valuable. I guess this post today is half explaining why we home school, half defending it, and complaining about those that have something to say about it.
I will step off of my soapbox now, and get back to my daughter’s Language Arts class. We just took a late lunch break and watched an American Girl craft video, one of the many reasons that I would not trade working from home and teaching from home. We go at our own pace and enjoy each other. Though there are good days and bad days with home learning, seeing my daughter learn in the way that she does best and spending the day with her is worth it all.
I hope that you all have a beautiful day and enjoy the life that you are blessed with in the way that makes you happy.
Simply~
Dee
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So, I feel like a loser sometimes when my daughter is not with me…
I had to run all over D.C. area today. If I told you the logistics and what I did in between, your head would spin. I’ll keep it simple. I had to pick up 2 kids at 10. Event at 11:15. Treat at 1:30. Pick up another kid at 2. Pool at 230. Drop off 2 kids at 4. Rush home, cook and drop my kid off at 5. Pool with other kid and drop her off at 7. Pick up my kid at 7. Drive 30 minutes to drop off my daughter for a sleepover by 7:30. Errands and home at 10:30. I will not talk about the rest of this weekend:)
So, now that I let you know how my day is, the feeling about being a loser, was resounding when I was at Tysons Mall. There were couples and families and friends everywhere. And then, there was me. Walking alone, shopping alone and leaving alone. It’s not that bad of a thing I guess, but it happens all of the time because I am in the same weird stage that I was in when my daughter was a newborn/baby. She was too young for playdates and I did not know other moms, so it was just me and my kid alone a lot and she could not talk to me. I also did not have any friends because I was new to the area.
After that time, there were probably 6 years of continual playdates. Even though my daughter and some of the other tykes had Little Gym and rec classes, they weren’t in full-time school and us moms were so excited to have little kids with fun personalities and mom’s night out activities. I loved the time alone with my child then because she could carry on conversations, but I equally enjoyed speaking with the moms and hanging out with them.
Fast forward to today…All of my friends have kids in school all day and their kids are in multiple activities going in multiple directions. I RARELY talk to them on the phone anymore. D.C. metro is so spread out, so we have friends that live all over, and unless you live here you cannot understand that 15 miles away from someone is far when it comes to how long it takes to get places here. So, I am dropping my kid off for rehearsals since last September, she doesn’t have as many playdates because her friends are busy as well so I am right where I started.
So when I was at the mall tonight, I felt pathetic and alone. I do have friends. I know some really good people here, but we don’t get together anymore except for perhaps special occasions, and on an odd day where it works out that schedules align. When I walked around in the “hip mall” I felt uncool. I instantly regretted not knowing more people who can hang out or not setting up a dinner with a friend. But I did get good deals on clothes for my daughter, so that was a win.:)
I am sure that I am not the only one who feels this way. And don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom. I love every stage with my daughter. I have just spent more than a decade as her mom, and I don’t know who I am outside of that and that is so scary. I feel like I am a half-empty nester. She is still in the nest, but just not as dependent on being there as she once was before. My first instinct is to try to do online dating, but that is just repeating an old habit-turning to men to complete me as a person. I can’t do that and don’t want to do that. But I do think if I had a partner to navigate things with that this stage would not be so tricky or I would not feel so uncertain.
Good night my WP friends. Thanks for “listening”.
Simply~
Dee
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So, does it feel like everyone is moving forward in their lives while you aren’t evolving one bit??
For me it does, a lot lately. With all of this down-time this month, I have had a lot of time to think. And sometimes, too much thinking time is not a good thing. At least not for me!
I had a conversation with my daughter today and she was saying how she was tired of wearing dresses and skorts all of the time and it was time to change her style. I felt instantly like my little girl is growing up so much. I mean we were around a girl 2.5 years older than her all day, so I am sure that her style had something to do with my daughter’s sudden change in style after choosing to wear a dress yesterday. But then I thought about how hard I have struggled with my weight and after 20 lb loss it is not moving. To be honest, over the years I have never been able to get far beyond those 20 lbs. I know I have thyroid problems, but 20 pounds when there is 40 to 45 more to go, is just a drop in the bucket.
But then I thought about how hard I have struggled with my weight and after 20 lb loss it is not moving. To be honest, over the years I have never been able to get far beyond those 20 lbs. I know I have thyroid problems, but 20 pounds when there is 40 to 45 more to go, is just a drop in the bucket. It gets a little frustrating when I even let my bff coffee go just to get healthy and eat clean and still nada!
Then I started thinking about our cute little place is and how I would love a bigger place and the fact that I have now been here over a decade. How, I still can’t afford a home and that the jobs I keep applying for do not happen for me. Then I realized in less that 10 years my kid will be ready for college and I have a very small life without her. I am not really complaining, because most of my friends are in the same stage of life that I am and child-rearing is #1. But many of them have spouses to cling to as the little birdies begin to fly away. I only have one birdie, and I am beginning to feel like I am stagnant and later may be alone. But I do not want to date. I want God to bring someone into my life because I suck at choosing. But wondering when/if that is in the cards is another thing I am curious/anxious about.
I am saying all of this because I took 2 part-time gigs hauling kids around for the same families I worked for 2 summers ago. Even with all of my degrees, I am not too proud to make money in ways that may not fit my education. So as I was listening to the kids chatter today as we did different activities, I realized that I am still doing the same kind of work, living in the same place, holding on to the same weight and everyone is evolving. Kids I cared for 2 summers ago are now going into the last years of middle school. My kid is not early elementary anymore, so it seems a bit strange still caring for kids than it did when she was 3 or 4 or even 2 years ago.
I’m not complaining, I am just ready for my abundance. For positive changes to come into my life in the form of a better body because I work so hard now, and watch every bite and get my workouts in and it is a snail’s pace. I want a good job. I want to feel that I am growing and prospering as a person. I also would love to grow and prosper as a Christian. A kind friend on here said that perhaps I am stuck in a stage and I will eventually pull through but I have to learn things from that stage. I am tired of learning and treading water and doing nothing phenomenal or outstanding.
I can give myself a gold star for parenting 95 percent of the time, but beyond that, who am I? What am I? I can’t believe at this age I am still confused and not where I want to be. But I can say one thing for certain, if I wasn’t a mom to this wonderful girl, I would not be half of the person I am today. She is the best blessing I have had in my life thus far. I don’t know if there is a blessing that can outweigh the love and happiness I have being her mom.
But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to evolve. To be better. To make more money. To not be so stressed. I am crossing my fingers, eyes, toes and ankles that my time will come soon. Then I won’t only have a fab daughter, but a fab rest of my life to go along with her.
Simply~
Dee
Image courtesy of lilpickmeup.com
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Is it silly as a grown woman to long for a best friend?
I totally woke up today thinking out how I missed having a best friend to talk to everyday, or on a regular basis. I had a series of best friends at different stages of my life like most of us have. In Kindergarten, Elementary, High School and College. Even when I went back to college in my mid-20’s to finish up my Bachelor’s, I had a crew of friends that were at my place consistently. Then I started career work and did not bond with the people in those 2 different jobs for different reasons. One job, was just super stressful and we worked long hours and the women were older with families so their was no commonality. The second career job was with all men, and I did not feel respect or a sense of belonging. Then over the last decade I have been a mom and have taken care of kids, so outside of the parents of the kids I have cared for or friends I have met because I in “mom” situations (park, dance classes, kid events, etc.), I haven’t met tons of people.
I think it is an awkward time when babies are l little. Many stay at home moms and dad feel a sense of isolation. I remember being super lonely and trying to start a mom’s group or join one. It was super tough to start one because there were so many established ones in this area. On the other hand, it was hard to go to a mom’s club because I worked taking care of kids so my schedule was not wide open. So, as much as I loved being around for my child, particularly during her early years, I wanted someone to talk to besides my husband or the grocery store clerk. It also did not help that my husband and his friends were super immature and club goers, so it is not like I was invited to a lot of couples events, because most of his friends were not in committed relationships.
Now I am in a different situation. I am a single mom in a land of families everywhere. So the close friends I have who are “kept”, do not have to work, and they do couples events. I have the occasional lunch/dinner or drinks with these women, but it is much less now that our kids are older and are going in so many directions with activities and parties. So, for a long, long time I have missed my college best friend who is over 600 miles away and a lot of other friends who really know me before I was a parent but they live all over the country.
I had a friend last year who I talked to every day for months on end. We had known each other for a few years because we met at a local Starbucks and I would see her there all of the time. After knowing each other awhile, we decided to hang out and do a girl’s day with my kid. After hanging out, she was literally my bestie. We had best friend bracelets event-I know silly!!! She would text me or call me every morning and night and we would hang out any time my daughter had a sleepover or camping trip or event. We would even hang out with my kid because she adores her.
But one day, she kind of stopped and I felt crushed. It sounds utterly ridiculous, but our friendship became comfy and there was someone I could tell things to besides my mom or daughter or a best friend that I talk to every couple of weeks. And, she was local, so that made it more fun.She is single though and she dates freely and has a completely different life and schedule and is younger than me. But I was so excited to have someone I could be myself with like my friends from long ago. So it took me a couple of months to get adjusted to not talking to her as much because whatever funk she was going through. Even though we still talk now, and she is there for my daughter’s important events, or for my birthday, we don’t have the same sister like relationship.
I guess shows like Friends and Sex and the City lulled me into this false sense of belief that I too at 30ish would have a close knit group of friends that I can hang with. But honestly, most people my age and a majority of the moms that I have befriended over the last 10 years are just homely and boring. I vowed to never be a mom that discusses diaper genies or to drive a mini-van. Most of my friends drive a mini-van and there cars are pretty cool on the inside, so that isn’t what makes them not cool to hang with. They are just so lost in their familial relationships, that they have lost the fun part of themselves. Though I am totally dedicated to my daughter, I still dress stylish and know the latest music and I am a part of a woman’s small group that meets once a month. I go to wine tastings every couple of months. Basically, though I have no hubby or man in my life, I am more than just a parent.
I guess I am looking for a Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte or Miranda to meet up with. I want to be around people if they have children, put them first. But I also want these same people to put themselves at a very close second. In other words, not act like they are 60. Maybe in this stage of my life it is difficult to find a bestie to meet up with who gets who I am and can relate to where I am in my life. Perhaps I am expecting to much from people. Maybe if I got married again it would be a cinch? Or maybe, having a best friend is not something I should be worried about. But when I watch movies and television and see friends on social media hanging with theirs, I miss having someone who is like a sister to talk to.
Sound pathetic? Probably so, but this is what I am feeling right now and pitiful or not it is the truth. Do you guys have besties you hang with? Am I the only person out there who feels the need to meet more friends and make more connections? Surely I am not. Well anyway, have a good night and enjoy your weekend! Funnily enough, we are going out of state to NJ to see a very good friend for the weekend. So I guess I have a good number of friends, but not the fun-loving, secret keeping, fabulous sidekick that I wish for:)
Simply~
Dee
Simply Dee in D.C. 