For me it does, a lot lately. With all of this down-time this month, I have had a lot of time to think. And sometimes, too much thinking time is not a good thing. At least not for me!
I had a conversation with my daughter today and she was saying how she was tired of wearing dresses and skorts all of the time and it was time to change her style. I felt instantly like my little girl is growing up so much. I mean we were around a girl 2.5 years older than her all day, so I am sure that her style had something to do with my daughter’s sudden change in style after choosing to wear a dress yesterday. But then I thought about how hard I have struggled with my weight and after 20 lb loss it is not moving. To be honest, over the years I have never been able to get far beyond those 20 lbs. I know I have thyroid problems, but 20 pounds when there is 40 to 45 more to go, is just a drop in the bucket.
But then I thought about how hard I have struggled with my weight and after 20 lb loss it is not moving. To be honest, over the years I have never been able to get far beyond those 20 lbs. I know I have thyroid problems, but 20 pounds when there is 40 to 45 more to go, is just a drop in the bucket. It gets a little frustrating when I even let my bff coffee go just to get healthy and eat clean and still nada!
Then I started thinking about our cute little place is and how I would love a bigger place and the fact that I have now been here over a decade. How, I still can’t afford a home and that the jobs I keep applying for do not happen for me. Then I realized in less that 10 years my kid will be ready for college and I have a very small life without her. I am not really complaining, because most of my friends are in the same stage of life that I am and child-rearing is #1. But many of them have spouses to cling to as the little birdies begin to fly away. I only have one birdie, and I am beginning to feel like I am stagnant and later may be alone. But I do not want to date. I want God to bring someone into my life because I suck at choosing. But wondering when/if that is in the cards is another thing I am curious/anxious about.
I am saying all of this because I took 2 part-time gigs hauling kids around for the same families I worked for 2 summers ago. Even with all of my degrees, I am not too proud to make money in ways that may not fit my education. So as I was listening to the kids chatter today as we did different activities, I realized that I am still doing the same kind of work, living in the same place, holding on to the same weight and everyone is evolving. Kids I cared for 2 summers ago are now going into the last years of middle school. My kid is not early elementary anymore, so it seems a bit strange still caring for kids than it did when she was 3 or 4 or even 2 years ago.
I’m not complaining, I am just ready for my abundance. For positive changes to come into my life in the form of a better body because I work so hard now, and watch every bite and get my workouts in and it is a snail’s pace. I want a good job. I want to feel that I am growing and prospering as a person. I also would love to grow and prosper as a Christian. A kind friend on here said that perhaps I am stuck in a stage and I will eventually pull through but I have to learn things from that stage. I am tired of learning and treading water and doing nothing phenomenal or outstanding.
I can give myself a gold star for parenting 95 percent of the time, but beyond that, who am I? What am I? I can’t believe at this age I am still confused and not where I want to be. But I can say one thing for certain, if I wasn’t a mom to this wonderful girl, I would not be half of the person I am today. She is the best blessing I have had in my life thus far. I don’t know if there is a blessing that can outweigh the love and happiness I have being her mom.
But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to evolve. To be better. To make more money. To not be so stressed. I am crossing my fingers, eyes, toes and ankles that my time will come soon. Then I won’t only have a fab daughter, but a fab rest of my life to go along with her.