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So much has been going on! I am busy with “my men”haha and social media editing and selling for #itworks and nanny job and mom duties and home schooling. WHEW! That was a mouth full. So, I have been a … Continue reading
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My daughter is my Valentine every year. Even when my husband was around, from the minute my daughter was born, she was my dear little heart. When it became apparent on my daughter’s first Valentine’s Day that my husband was … Continue reading
The party was fun, but I quickly realized that diplomats are just regular people like me. The person that I went to the party for is a diplomat and he is dating my friend and he is cool. But, I had this expectation of hot single men with gorgeous accents. The party had cool accents, but I don’t think anyone there was single and I did not see anyone that I was drawn to. But I wonder if that is because I kind of have my radar off because my heart is all closed up?
I dream often of being in a relationship again and falling in love again, but then I think about my daughter and how I love her life and how I don’t want anyone to mess that up. I would love for her to have a stepfather that could step in and take the place of her father, but I am not willing to take the chance on my heart, heck both of our hearts. I think often that I can wait until she is closer to adulthood because I will still look young. But then I think that I could be missing out on someone great.
So, my prayer to God is for Him to only bring someone in to our lives if he would only bring positive things to us and add to our lives and not harm us in any way. So, perhaps that is why nothing has never transpired. I want to think and hope and believe that it will happen for me again one day. But then I think to myself, I don’t know if I can let go again for someone.
You know, open up and be vulnerable and talk in depth about my hopes and dreams. I am so happy for people that have these relationships, but when I think about being that way again with anyone I feel like it’s all so cheesy and all in vain. I have never had a successful relationship with a man, so it’s kind of like I feel like I suck at it so why should I keep trying?
To be honest, I have grown so much spiritually and mentally since my husband moved out 6 1/2 years ago. It was my decision for him to leave because I didn’t want a dysfunctional relationship for our then very little girl. It was the best choice for us because he was gone more than he was home and infidelity was the theme on his part. So, I feel like I would rather be alone than live like that again. So, we have.
I have been on dates over the last 6 years with maybe 5 men. One man I had a phone relationship with for probably 3 months because he was from my home state and we met through and old school friend. We met up a couple of times and the chemistry there but since I wasn’t legally divorced and was separated he wasn’t comfortable with any of it. He was everything that my husband wasn’t. He went to church, didn’t go to clubs or bars, he was working in a stable field. But, he was controlling and stuck in the 50’s!
Needless to say, with my personality and opinions, I was way too much for him. I felt like I had to be someone else when I was around him. Kind of like being at a cocktail party or at a party with diplomats.:) Funny thing is, I am super comfortable at a party with strangers because I will probably never see them again. I flash a smile, make witty comments, have champagne and try the appetizers. But opening up to a person romantically? Don’t know if I have it in me anymore. It’s like I have turned into an introverted extrovert.
I call myself a hopeless romantic. But perhaps I am just super duper hopeless when it comes to trusting my heart with someone again? Well, at least the food and drinks were good at the party and the people were not half bad either. Romantic prospects for Dee (me)? Zilch. Zero. Nada. But maybe that is what made the party a success. No strings attached, especially not my heart strings…
simply~
Dee
So, I am not dating, kind of tried to last year but I couldn’t fully commit to it. I went on 4 horrible dates with 3 decent guys and one complete douche of a guy. I just did not find in them what I wanted and as much as the movie Hitch, and the Wedding Planner and You Got Mail gives me hope, I just can’t figure it out. What I mean by ‘it’ is love and romance and giving my heart away again. I can’t take just whatever so that I can be a part of a pair. I have to have for once in my life, someone who will make that grand gesture. So until then…
I would looooove to be with someone like Will Smith’s character in Hitch, or Tom Hanks in You Got Mail, or of course Matthew McConaughey in Wedding Planner. Or, even like Gentelmenhood who is an awesome guy who just wrote a book and I am Instagram friends with. He seems to have it all figured out. He is seriously not settling and not going to make mistakes he made in the past with women. He has admitted to his wrongdoing and has committed his life to teaching others how to love and what love is not.
This is very similar to the movie Hitch. In case you haven’t seen it, Alex Hitchins is his character and his job is to pair up the most unlikely men with the objects of their affection. He strictly deals in love and not lust and wants to help men because of how uncertain he was with women when he was younger. He got hurt big time and wants to spread the word about what to do and not to do. Funnily enough, he has a hard time finding love himself. Then he and his love interest have a few ups and downs and the movie ends in a way that makes me very happy.
It really is a novel idea. It is funny and inspiring and gives people like me hope. But, as much hope and inspiration I may seek or receive, I just can’t step out on faith and take the chance. I am pretty much satisfied with sitting at home on Saturday night and blogging after a full day with my kid. I am warm and comfy and am not wasting money at a lounge or 30’s and 40’s going out group so that I can bump into the love of my life in the way that people do on a movie.
It just doesn’t happen for me like that. Everything is not that easy. I have never had things fall into place easily, and frankly I don’t want the man who I will be with forever to happen that way either. I want to have someone who is truly God sent who has eyes for no one but me and who finds all of my quirks irresistible. I have always settled and overlooked things that I detested about a man just to have love. But I do believe that I will find a man (at some point) that will be my true other half.
Until then, I will raise my kid and cats and meet with friends a couple of times a month for a movie or coffee. I will read my Bible, write in my devotional and type my thoughts on here. I will continue to eat well and start to make exercise a priority. Just like I feel that God is preparing a man for me, I have to get myself together for my match as well. I think I am off to a pretty good start…
Simply Dee in D.C. 