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So, I gave up my anonymity on here! My soon to be hubby knows my blog name. I have not told one other living soul about this blog. My cat is the only one who has peeped this when I … Continue reading
People always say it is not a good idea to speak about religion and politics. But, if you are having a real conversation with friends or people that you are getting to know, doesn’t it make sense to put your thoughts/beliefs on the table? It is hard for me to hold back on these 2 things that largely define me as a person. Adult friendships can be so tricky!
I feel that some of my relationships have not improved or have had problems, because of the marked differences of opinions or core beliefs in regards to politics or religion. If I had known they were so diametrically opposed to my core values, maybe I would not have pursued the play dates so readily. I know it is thought to be distasteful or rude to speak about these subjects openly, but when is a good time?
Developing friendships when younger is so simple because there is school and then extracurricular activities, so meeting friends is a cinch. People during those years aren’t defined by the larger meanings in life. Either you are into My Little Pony or American Girl, or into video games or playing outside. Even if everyone doesn’t like the same thing, it doesn’t matter,because on the playground everyone has a blast. The simplicity of childhood makes being a grown up quite unattractive at times.
As a child I would count down days and weeks and years to a day I looked forward to. I remember counting down the years until I turned 13, and then I couldn’t wait until I was 16 because of driving! Next was the super exciting year of 18, when I got to go to college and have no rules. My 21st was important for obvious reasons.:) But when I turned about 25, I woke up and thought omg! I am a certified grown up with bills and a job and responsibilities and a serious relationship. Then I really longed for less. Less to worry about and less to deal with and keep up with. But unfortunately, time does not travel backward. It just keeps marching on, no matter how much we would like it to stop or pause.
So I find myself as a single mom with a wonderful kid, living in a fabulous area and I still feel like I want so and so to happen by next year. I am still yearning for more, but overall I am pretty happy. I think it is normal for most of us to want more. I like who I am for the most part and I know that I can improve upon a few things, but at this point I am probably going to be the person that I am right now. So, it is hard for me to be anyone different from who I am. Sometimes I want to make more friends and expand my circle, but the thought of having to start over again with people who don’t know or get me is just exhausting.
I was speaking with a friend tonight while our kids were playing and we both said that there is just something special about people who knew you back in the day. There is just a comfort and ease that goes along with history and people that were there through all of the crazy stages and loved you then and still love you in your more buttoned up and mature way , as well. So needless to say, I want people in my life, but I am not incredibly open to meeting new people. Because, there are so many reasons as to why I am the way I am. That is true for all of us I suppose. I feel like at this point in my life, cultivating new relationships is damn near impossible.
As much as I want girlfriends to hang with, I feel like I would rather have less time with peers if the time is not going to be with people that I truly appreciate or vcvs. I guess the one to two times a year I visit my hometown will have to be the times that I really get to be me and be among kindred spirits. Of course I have a couple of really good friends here, but most of my closest friends are the ones who knew me back when. I will continue to enjoy the time I spend with my kiddo and see my good mom friends every few months. Then, when my baby girl is all grown up (not that I am rushing that!), perhaps I will live like a Golden Girl with no filter, and enjoy true sisterhood once again. Until then, I will remain somewhat politically correct and cordial and laugh only when deemed apropos by Washington, D.C. standards.:) (Okay, I am being a bit facetious in this post, I admit it!)
The thing about me is that I am really kind to virtually everyone I see, unless the person is a poor driver and pulls out in front of me.:) But, I treat a cashier the same way as I do an ambassador. I of course treat my mom or daughter in a more loving manner than I do people that I don’t know. But I am just as cool with this barista at Starbucks in my neighborhood and regard him in the same way that I do with some of my closest friends.Not that it makes me this saint or that I am someone super special, but my whole point is I like spreading joy and love, but living in an area like D.C. suburbs, it can be quite tricky to keep the happiness flowing.
Being from the south, everyone was all like: “who is your family?” In the DMV (DC, MD, VA) it is: “what do you do?” So of course being that I don’t have a career really and that I don’t make buttloads of money a year, I quickly become not so interesting to a lot of the people I make small talk with at event.s The median income is over 150K in my area, so I am destitute compared to the rest of the people that I know. But I honestly find that I and some of the people that I consort with are far more interesting.
The thing is, I am usually me all of the time. I don’t know how to be any other way. I could win 5 million dollars tomorrow and act exactly the same. I would probably be more giddy because I would be out of debt and have a new car, but besides that I would be down to earth. These folks around here, are so pretentious and fake at times that I can’t handle it. I try to be real when I am dealing with them, but I find myself slipping into that superficial line of thought that many of them are a part of. It must be so nice to live in the bubble that they do where money is plentiful. But, so many of them are delusional about their lives!
These people give gadgets to their kids instead of time. They aren’t concerned about terrorism, or world problems, but instead which color to paint their dining room! I am in a dream state when speaking to some of them at gatherings. I am half wishing I could have their easy lives and half wishing I could escape the conversation because the things these people go on about are so unimportant. Many of them send their kids off all summer and let them go to countless sleepovers during the year, so between school and all of their activities there is no time spent with their children. So, needless to say it kind of frustrates me when they labor over which place to take for their winter/spring vacation with their families when their families are just mere accessories in the grand scheme of their lives.
Now don’t get me wrong. Everyone here is not plastic. But there is A LOT of it here. Maybe not plastic like cosmetic surgery plastic. But definitely in the way that what you or your spouse does for a living and what school your child goes to kind of way. I’m not in the club, and I am okay with that. But, I feel for the children who grow up with little quality time with their parents and with unrealistic expectations concerning life and relationships. This creates more plastic people. I am glad that I can live with our without these people. I can go to some events or deal with them at my kid’s rehearsals and move on. But my daughter having to deal with them is a whole different ballgame. Thankfully she is talented and has lots of friends. If she wasn’t, then it would probably difficult for her to deal with.
Since I am from a completely different area of the country, and a town that was more “normal” in regards to economics, the whole fake thing is just not me. I am also the daughter of an unspoken mom and the granddaughter of the duchess of outspokenness.:) But I think the biggest thing is, for us, being genuine is just important to who we are as women and people. Isn’t it the Christian way? Or decent way? Maybe that is the problem, lack of decency is missing. To treat others differently with the whole “have” and “have-nots” mentality is just not moral.
So, as I continue to not succumb to the ways of the plastic people, I will just remember that popular catch phrase of the late 90’s: “What would Jesus do?” That is the best way to deal with anyone that one is not fond of, or to the people that aren’t easy to relate to or even empathize with. It’s the only real way that I personally think I can take the high road without giving the phony people a too real piece of my mind.
Side note
*****If I sound jealous of these people, I don’t mean to. I think I used to want what they have, but I am so content in knowing that my life with my daughter is special. I wouldn’t trade all of the money in the world for the love and friendship that I share with her and my mother and other close relationships in my life. I think that sometimes I feel that others are so unappreciative of what they have and I think it is so unfair that they have the lives that they do. But, none of that is for me to decide or judge and wasting my time doing so, takes the joy out of living my life…
simply~
Dee
I know this lady. She is kind in a syrupy way. She is genuine-I think. Well, she is a decent person, but I think when it comes down to it, she is out for she and her kid over anyone, but pretends to be a bend over backwards kind of person when she clearly is not. She embellishes a lot and boasts about how many opportunities her daughter has, but it is always important to stay humble.
She smiles in a contagious way and makes everyone she meets feel warm and fuzzy. She is the best person I have ever seen at making someone feel like whatever she is saying, is 100 percent from the heart, when her motives always seem to be to get them on her side in order to have a leg up on other people. She acts like she has super close relationships with anyone in charge.
She wants to be a person that knows more. She likes to act like she always knows what is going on when she clearly does not. She is a humble-bragger. When I saw this term in a book I instantly thought of this person. I can’t say that I hate her, or completely dislike her. But my daughter and I want to say things to her to compete with her in some way just to see how she will try to “one-up” us next.
I don’t understand why people like that are not called out more for their b.s. People have to know that she is not exactly down to earth, not when she is so sugary sweet with every word. People are not like that in real life. If they are, they have to be medicated.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am a good person. I can even be super sweet. But I am real, to the core. I can’t fake my feelings about a situation. I can’t pretend to be interested in people in order to get something out of a situation. Nor do I speak about every opportunity that I or my child are offered or have come across.
For one thing, I have learned that not everyone is happy for you. I have also learned that sometimes speaking about things will come to bite you in the behind. I let this person know about some opportunities for my child and lo and behold, she schmoozed her way into them too. Hence, I have to see and hear about her crap on a regular basis.
This weekend, we are going to an important gig that will give my kid great experience and also put her in front of some important people in the acting world. Guess who is going to the same place the first chance she gets? You guessed it-the humble-bragger. She will then tell everyone that her kid was personally invited and that Steven Spielberg was there and complimented her child and thought about doing a movie specifically for her child.
How do I deal with someone like this? The constant covert competition, embellishing and talking about how fabulous her kid is grating on my nerves, especially when her kid doesn’t take the craft seriously and cannot even carry a tune. I know it is not Christian of me, but I would love to read her and tell her the truth about everything. I would love to tell her to stop being delusional and to stop pretending that they are someone who they really are not. I want to tell her to stop discussing how important humility is when she doesn’t even begin to know what it means.
Sorry, I am venting tonight. This whole humble-bragger term was super funny when I saw it. But the more I think about this person and how transparent she is with her crap, the more I got annoyed.
Good night!
~Simply Dee
Simply Dee in D.C. 