People always say it is not a good idea to speak about religion and politics. But, if you are having a real conversation with friends or people that you are getting to know, doesn’t it make sense to put your thoughts/beliefs on the table? It is hard for me to hold back on these 2 things that largely define me as a person. Adult friendships can be so tricky!
I feel that some of my relationships have not improved or have had problems, because of the marked differences of opinions or core beliefs in regards to politics or religion. If I had known they were so diametrically opposed to my core values, maybe I would not have pursued the play dates so readily. I know it is thought to be distasteful or rude to speak about these subjects openly, but when is a good time?
Developing friendships when younger is so simple because there is school and then extracurricular activities, so meeting friends is a cinch. People during those years aren’t defined by the larger meanings in life. Either you are into My Little Pony or American Girl, or into video games or playing outside. Even if everyone doesn’t like the same thing, it doesn’t matter,because on the playground everyone has a blast. The simplicity of childhood makes being a grown up quite unattractive at times.
As a child I would count down days and weeks and years to a day I looked forward to. I remember counting down the years until I turned 13, and then I couldn’t wait until I was 16 because of driving! Next was the super exciting year of 18, when I got to go to college and have no rules. My 21st was important for obvious reasons.:) But when I turned about 25, I woke up and thought omg! I am a certified grown up with bills and a job and responsibilities and a serious relationship. Then I really longed for less. Less to worry about and less to deal with and keep up with. But unfortunately, time does not travel backward. It just keeps marching on, no matter how much we would like it to stop or pause.
So I find myself as a single mom with a wonderful kid, living in a fabulous area and I still feel like I want so and so to happen by next year. I am still yearning for more, but overall I am pretty happy. I think it is normal for most of us to want more. I like who I am for the most part and I know that I can improve upon a few things, but at this point I am probably going to be the person that I am right now. So, it is hard for me to be anyone different from who I am. Sometimes I want to make more friends and expand my circle, but the thought of having to start over again with people who don’t know or get me is just exhausting.
I was speaking with a friend tonight while our kids were playing and we both said that there is just something special about people who knew you back in the day. There is just a comfort and ease that goes along with history and people that were there through all of the crazy stages and loved you then and still love you in your more buttoned up and mature way , as well. So needless to say, I want people in my life, but I am not incredibly open to meeting new people. Because, there are so many reasons as to why I am the way I am. That is true for all of us I suppose. I feel like at this point in my life, cultivating new relationships is damn near impossible.
As much as I want girlfriends to hang with, I feel like I would rather have less time with peers if the time is not going to be with people that I truly appreciate or vcvs. I guess the one to two times a year I visit my hometown will have to be the times that I really get to be me and be among kindred spirits. Of course I have a couple of really good friends here, but most of my closest friends are the ones who knew me back when. I will continue to enjoy the time I spend with my kiddo and see my good mom friends every few months. Then, when my baby girl is all grown up (not that I am rushing that!), perhaps I will live like a Golden Girl with no filter, and enjoy true sisterhood once again. Until then, I will remain somewhat politically correct and cordial and laugh only when deemed apropos by Washington, D.C. standards.:) (Okay, I am being a bit facetious in this post, I admit it!)