Category Archives: Blogging

So, is it wrong for me not to want to talk a lot this year?

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If you knew me in real life, you would know that I talk a lot. I am smart and funny and have a lot of smart and funny things to say. I am also critical at times and self-deprecating, but I am anything but quiet. But this year, I want to mute out the noise. Noise coming from me and from others. In my quest to purge material things, I also want to purge unhealthy people/situationships as well.

I have been contacted more than twice by 3 people this week that I would consider toxic or unhappy or in less dignified terms-real buzzkills. All 3 of them have issues. One more than the other 2. But I do too. I am a struggling single parent and I still am unsure what I want to be when I grow up. But, I don’t tell them every time I talk to them about every problem I have. I have learned to turn to prayer or to myself or through writing to heal some wounds.

I spent December doing fun things. My kid’s mega performance at a major university in D.C. was a big part of our month. The rest was family and friends and good food and great experiences. I was sick for half that month and still am, but I did what I wanted and was around people that made me happy. After December, I decided that I want to do that all of the time. Why should I be around people that do not make me happy?  Why should any of us?

So, I would rather be hermitish (not a word I know) than talk and deal with people that I do not value, or those that only call to bitch and complain to me. It’s like in their social media life all is well and they laugh and carry on with everyone online. But then I get to hear the real side. Maybe I don’t care to be people’s confidante anymore. I used to try to fix people and really felt value in being needed. Now I just want to live my life and read great books, eat great food, be around people that I love and vcvs.

Does it sound selfish? If it does, then good! I have never been selfish. I have always put others needs and wants and wishes in front of mine. I get that from my mom. Of course I will still put my daughter and my mom in the front of everything. But everyone else must stand in line from this point on! I have been ignored for months by people, but if/when I don’t jump to return a call they are all over me. It’s like good old dependable Dee. She will always be there. ALWAYSSSSSS. I don’t want to be anymore.

This year, is about fitness, finance and finding my happiness. Beyond that, I am unbothered. I don’t care if people don’t agree with my political opinions. I don’t care if people find me different and insensitive. I am going to give people what they give me. If they give me silence, they will get that in return. If they give me love, I will love them like crazy. But what I will not give anymore, is my time or myself to undeserving and uncaring and selfish folks.

So, I guess that this is my declaration for 2016. Or, my soapbox sermon. Or perhaps my “getting it all off of my chest” session. I hope that you all do what makes you happy in 2016 and always. It is very liberating to love everyone, but at a distance without the entrapment or all of the drama. God bless!

simply~

dee

So, what is grace really? And not the grace you may be thinking of…

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So, I am not talking about grace in the way that Madonna talks about it: “She’s got style, she’s got grace, Rita Hayworth gave good face…” (Vogue) I am talking about the Grace of God. Have you ever seen books about Grace in a Christian reference of the word?

I mean, I think that I know what “they” mean, meaning authors and pastors and other church going folk. But, I am not exactly sure how to be granted or how to get or receive or whatever terminology goes along with this holy GRACE.

So, I went to this website called allaboutgod.com. This is what I found:  Definition of God’s Grace – How do theologians define it?
“What is grace? In the New Testament grace means God’s love in action towards men who merited the opposite of love. Grace means God moving heaven and earth to save sinners who could not lift a finger to save themselves. Grace means God sending His only Son to descend into hell on the cross so that we guilty ones might be reconciled to God and received into heaven. ‘(God) hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him’” (2 Corinthians 5:21).1

So, I read that and thought, well duh-I knew that. But then it means= wow!!! I am falling short of deserving this Grace from God! So, I read some more and the synopsis was that it is God’s favor. I suddenly realized that perhaps I don’t seem to get anywhere in life, in the way that I would like is because I don’t fully appreciate this gift and privilege I have been given, called Grace. Then I wonder how in the heck I am worthy? Or, maybe I am not? Maybe my lack of faith, or concentration in regards to Christ is the reason I often feel stuck in different areas of my life?

I really want to turn a new leaf and try to accept and inhale and grow in God’s Grace. I am going to work to not take it for granted and especially since I have been armed with the knowledge (again) how awesome and extraordinary the gift of God’s son so that I can live is beyond words. I want to revel in it and know that with God’s Grace I can make it through everything and when I am an old person, I will truly understand what the hymn Amazing Grace really means.

Because if any of us are honest with ourselves, we are blessed beyond measure and don’t even realize how much so. We woke up today, we are reading a blog right now. As large as Grace is, so is the fact that we have life and often live it how we want not considering God in the many choices we make, yet God still has our back. That pure and unconditional love itself explain Grace at its core.

simply~

Dee

 

Image courtesy of musicblvd.com

So, it is the end of 2015 and I haven’t…

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I haven’t stuck with my end of the bargain-reading tons of blogs and writing tons. But, I have written more this year than in a long time. But, I have got my fitness together more than ever in my life. My kiddo finished her 3rd play of the year this month, I have been sick for nearly a month, we have been running around all year like chickens with our heads cut off, but 2015 was decent. I learned a lot. I realized that I tackle too much. Like I wanted to be fit, and get financially and physically fit and write all of the time.

As much as I think that I am a multi-tasker, on major tasks, it is best for me to tackle one big thing at a time. So now that I have found #21dayfix and it is working, I am reading a lot. Then I am going to add back in writing a lot. Then I will focus attention on a new job. I am going to be less hard on myself in 2016 and treat myself kinder. I still resolve to get more fit, have more money and to do more creative things that I enjoy. But, I am not going to beat myself up if I don’t write every day in 2016 or work out every day, or pay off every debt I have.

I hope that you all have a blessed and happy 2016 and I hope that 2015 was all that you wished for and more.

God Bless and I will  “see” you more in 2016!

~simply

DEE

So, I find myself behind on my writing again

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I am back. Tech week has started at my daughter’s big production in D.C. this week. That means that she has to be at the theatre 7 times this week and 3 next week. Roughly 75/80 hours in 2 weeks. It’s fun, but tiring.

I haven’t written awhile. Been doing some soul searching and reevaluating a lot of things. Job, people, situation, etc. The older I get the more disappointed I am in people. I think social media definitely lends to that. A lot.

If you will remember, I quit Facebook for a bit. I had to get back on because I am the administrator for a Facebook page for a church and if I deactivated, then so did the church!

In the time that I have been back on there, I have realized that when people aren’t happy they aren’t happy for you. When people want what you have they aren’t happy for you.

People that have loads of people supporting them on Facebook are the kind that have 1500 friends. Or, people that constantly go out and have wine and party. Or people whom show their bodies off.

I am far beyond my party stage. I am too private to have more than 100 or so friends. And, I am definitely not fit enough to show body pics. Even if I was, I am somebody’s mom and it’s just not a good luck for me.

I am saying all of this to say that modern tech can be hurtful to a degree. If people don’t like your pics, you wonder why. If a friend doesn’t text you back, it is bothersome. If you email a friend and they never reply it can make one worry. If you message someone and see the time that they viewed it and they don’t make the effort to answer your query then it gets personal.

I have been going through this deal lately with friends. I called 5 people over the last week, and not one called me back. One friend is a friend of over 20 years, but has always been bad about calling. She is a full time mom and has a full time job and her kids are in activities and we are in different states. So she has a pass because she is there when I need her.

But the other people, one is supposed to be my best friend and I am her daughter’s Godmother. I have tried 4 ways to get in touch with her because her husband can be controlling. My daughter has even tried to Facetime and message her God sister because she misses her and our kids are best friends. They live out of state and we don’t see them but every 2 years so we love to talk to them. There has been no reply.

The other people are really non-factors. But, I have felt kind of like a social leper as of late. I don’t see most of these people that I have called because we don’t live near each other, so it is natural that I want to talk with them from time to time. So it is not like I have had a falling out with them or offended them. I am reaching out to them!

I don’t call them a lot, we may go a month or so without talking. And then we talk like crazy for a couple of weeks and then things get crazy again. But we haven’t talked to my “best friend” and Godchild in 6 weeks. Four ways of communication have not phased her. I guess when she is ready she will contact us. But I guess I am tired of being the friend that is “ready” when people feel like being bothered.

I am an above and beyond kind of friend. I am not a taker, I am a giver and a counselor and confidante. I try to not expect a lot in return, but I should not always be the one reaching out to people. I almost feel like God is trying to tell me something about the people who are in my life.

I don’t know how changing friends or deleting people out of my life is going to make it better. But perhaps there is a divine plan in the works. I certainly haven’t done anything to deserve the cold shoulder. So I don’t know what to think.

But if I ignore someone, I’m a B—. Or, I am being insensitive. One of the biggest faults that I have is that I am too caring, too forgiving, and apparently a glutton for punishment. Advice? Similar story to share? Or am I in this leper world alone?

Simply~

Dee

So, I have decided to focus on the positive in this world full of negative…

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Today, I am so happy and blessed and ecstatic to be alive. There are people all over the world who did not have that luxury today. There are people within the last week who have lost their lives, or the lives of their loved ones to these terrorists cowards. Heck, it happens everyday all over the world.

So, today I want to live in thankfulness and gratitude. I am thankful to have the heat on and be underneath the covers. I am blessed to have just eaten my chicken sausage, kale and almonds combo and more food at my disposal.

I am happy that I am actually seeing results on my long, long weight loss journey. I am so grateful to have met my ex-husbands’ ex-girlfriend:) who had similar weight loss struggles and see her lose so much weight. She inspired me to become a Beachbody Coach and introduced me to 21 Day Fix!

Of course, I am thankful for my daughter. She colors and lights my world. WIthout her, my life would be blehhhh to the 100th power. And speaking of not making it without her-my mom. She can be a huge pain and is set in her ways, but she is my best friend besides my daughter. I should tell her that sometimes.

Last but not least. Definitely not least. My spiritual life. I am not religious. I am more like a reverent person. I follow Christ. I do not do a great job of imitating Him, but I know through him is eternal life and peace. I am working on the peace part. I am also working on being around people that can only bless me in my journey, not hinder me or it in any way.

I encourage you all to focus on what is good. Even if it is just for today. Or even if it seems totally impossible to do so, there is good in this world. It may seem hard to find, but there is more good than evil. But it’s akin to dropping one drop of oil in water-it changes everything.

Whether you are religious, spiritual, a non-believer or however you may identify yourself, if you are here today there is a reason to be grateful. Blessing and love to you all.

Simply~

Dee

So, I cut Facebook loose for at least 9 days

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Okay, I am in phase 1 of my finding myself/finding who my friends are is my mission. I deactivated Facebook and I set it for 9 days. I kept finding myself all throughout the day wanting to log on. Or check in somewhere, etc. I still have my Instagram and my Twitter. But my IG is not as personal and has some friends, but also strangers. Twitter is even less personal and was started because of a fandom (followers of a show) and now I follow a lot of political people on their.

For me, Facebook was personal and had people on there that I felt close to. There are some great people on there that I love. Don’t get me wrong. But, I want more from a relationship than a like. I want to see who is really tried and true. So many times, people are on there just to judge or be nosy. I will find out who my real friends are from this adventure. That is for sure. I don’t post a lot on IG and even less on Twitter. So, I am going to see how my life is and how it feels with less social on media and more social in person.

I am tired of feeling disconnected. I am tired of not seeing people in 3-D. I am wondering if others feel the same as I? So totally in touch with people electronically, but so out of tune with their real lives or issues because of this technology dependence. I know we will never go back to the 80’s, but so many times I wish we could! We had a good president, terrorism was a word I knew nothing about, and race relations were decent.

I digress. We are in this age of technology addiction. I get it. I am typing right now on my laptop. But I really and truly want  am going to  make life simpler. I am working hard to declutter stuff, use technology less and get rid of people who only weigh me down. In the midst of this, I hope to find what I am looking for. Both in other people and myself.

Simply~

Dee

So, I am not waiting until the New Year to change…

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We all say we are done with people or situations at some point in our time. But I really am. I am the kind of person that goes above and beyond. All of the time. For people who I am cool with, my ex sister-in-law’s kid, for pretty much everyone in my life.

But don’t you think that the more you do for some people, the more they take you for granted? So, I have decided I am done. I am not going out of my way for people anymore. I am going to pull back a lot. I will not send continuous texts to see if people are coming to my kid’s play, or if they want to meet up for a winery, etc.

I have worked hard on my health and fitness this year. I have tried to work on my relationship with God as well. So, now I am going to take a HUGE step back and look at my relationships with people. In doing that, I can make more time to earn money and more time to see who is there for me.

Sound crazy? Read Maximize the Moment by T.D. Jakes. He lays it on the line about people. Just because someone is Christian doesn’t mean they have to be a doormat for people. I would read the book, but I lent it to someone and never got it back.:) See, what I mean about my crappy friends?

Anyway, I am still thankful and blessed and focusing on positive things. Sometimes narrowing one’s scope in life can really bring a lot of revelation. So, hopefully my path will be revealed during my hiatus from Facebook and from people in general, except of course my close family and cat:)

Have a blessed Saturday and a restful Sunday!

Simply~

Dee