If you knew me in real life, you would know that I talk a lot. I am smart and funny and have a lot of smart and funny things to say. I am also critical at times and self-deprecating, but I am anything but quiet. But this year, I want to mute out the noise. Noise coming from me and from others. In my quest to purge material things, I also want to purge unhealthy people/situationships as well.
I have been contacted more than twice by 3 people this week that I would consider toxic or unhappy or in less dignified terms-real buzzkills. All 3 of them have issues. One more than the other 2. But I do too. I am a struggling single parent and I still am unsure what I want to be when I grow up. But, I don’t tell them every time I talk to them about every problem I have. I have learned to turn to prayer or to myself or through writing to heal some wounds.
I spent December doing fun things. My kid’s mega performance at a major university in D.C. was a big part of our month. The rest was family and friends and good food and great experiences. I was sick for half that month and still am, but I did what I wanted and was around people that made me happy. After December, I decided that I want to do that all of the time. Why should I be around people that do not make me happy? Why should any of us?
So, I would rather be hermitish (not a word I know) than talk and deal with people that I do not value, or those that only call to bitch and complain to me. It’s like in their social media life all is well and they laugh and carry on with everyone online. But then I get to hear the real side. Maybe I don’t care to be people’s confidante anymore. I used to try to fix people and really felt value in being needed. Now I just want to live my life and read great books, eat great food, be around people that I love and vcvs.
Does it sound selfish? If it does, then good! I have never been selfish. I have always put others needs and wants and wishes in front of mine. I get that from my mom. Of course I will still put my daughter and my mom in the front of everything. But everyone else must stand in line from this point on! I have been ignored for months by people, but if/when I don’t jump to return a call they are all over me. It’s like good old dependable Dee. She will always be there. ALWAYSSSSSS. I don’t want to be anymore.
This year, is about fitness, finance and finding my happiness. Beyond that, I am unbothered. I don’t care if people don’t agree with my political opinions. I don’t care if people find me different and insensitive. I am going to give people what they give me. If they give me silence, they will get that in return. If they give me love, I will love them like crazy. But what I will not give anymore, is my time or myself to undeserving and uncaring and selfish folks.
So, I guess that this is my declaration for 2016. Or, my soapbox sermon. Or perhaps my “getting it all off of my chest” session. I hope that you all do what makes you happy in 2016 and always. It is very liberating to love everyone, but at a distance without the entrapment or all of the drama. God bless!