I didn’t consider myself the type to eat when I felt emotionally distraught. I mean I have binged on chocolate before if I was sad and if chocolate was around. But, I don’t go to the store to buy a certain food if I am going through something. I am constantly concerned about calorie intake, so emotional eating is just not something I typically do. Tonight something happened that kind of shook me up big time. It wasn’t tragic or scary or really bad. But, it helped me to put things into perspective and also made me trust less. I really and truly don’t need help trusting people less. I am doing a great job at that.
So, here goes. I have been on social media for years, but some platforms are more apt to have people message privately than others. For instance on Twitter, I never really get messages from guys trying to pick me up. On Facebook there is this “other” message folder and I get requests a lot but because it isn’t my usual messaging box I don’t notice it. On IG, I have had more “DM’s” than other forms of social media. In the fairly short time I have been on there less time than other sites and have had more than a few men private message me. I typically nip the convos in the bud though because I am not the type of chick they hoped that I would be. You know, easy.
I honestly don’t get why they approach me, at all. I don’t have on the come hither clothing, and my pics literally consist of coffee, me at wineries or receptions or weddings. An occasional pic of my kid because I don’t like her to be on there a lot and maybe screenshots of music I am listening to. I digress, the last couple of months I have been talking to a guy on IG and it is literally good morning, how is the weather in your part of the country, how is work, etc. He’s really nice. But over the last few weeks another guy messaged me. He’s in his 50’s, has grown children, we’ve been friends on IG for probably a year so when he didn’t pounce immediately I thought maybe he’s different.
Since we have been acquainted for quite awhile, like maybe a year, our friendship has developed quicker in a few weeks than it would if we just met for the first time. We communicate via social media or texting and we just laugh a lot. I don’t see many ‘grownups’ because I home school my kid and work with kids. So it has been fun having a new friend.
He’s super sarcastic and fun. It’s like he’s a friend of my older brother or something when I was young and thought they were cool. Today we had been messaging all afternoon and into the early evening on and off and the topic of dating came up. I said: Do you date? He’s like: You know I’m married. I was immediately devastated. I know it’s silly, he lives in another state and we aren’t bff’s or even romantically involved. But, I have had so many conversations with him about so many things and we have a lot in common. We even have some of the same IG friends in common. Not once did he say: “My wife, yadda, yadda, yadda.”
I was really tired today from only 3.5 hours of sleep-don’t ask. So, I didn’t eat real meals today and just wasn’t even that hungry. But when he texted he was married, I literally walked right to the fridge and ate some icing. He’s not the only reason, whenever we have leftover icing, I always have to eat it or throw it away because I don’t eat sweets a lot. The few times a year it is around my house, it is a yum fest. I literally was so disappointed and shocked and annoyed that I felt the read need for the gross junky icing as if it was an IV and I had to have the injection that moment. I felt the normal happiness kind of drain out of me.
Sound dramatic? Maybe so, but I have made the worst choices when it comes to men. And this was only a friendship, but I felt betrayed! I really would love to be in a relationship, but I apparently don’t have the best judgment in the world. I was just telling him that I wanted to date someone but I wanted God to bring the right guy to me. Being that he knows that I haven’t really dated in 6 years very much, why would he do this? He acted like I was supposed to know he was married. I just thought he was a Godly guy who had raised his kids and that he was divorced. There is not one pic on his profile that I could tell was his wife. His adult kids, quotes, his sister, but never a couple pic.
I don’t want to stop talking to him forever, but now I can’t send a silly selfie or funny quote nor do I feel right initiating contact. I certainly can’t talk with him on and off all day. Every conversation we had makes me kind of feel sick. If there was more icing right now, I might eat it. Just kidding. But isn’t it weird that a person or situation can have an effect on your body to the point that your craving for a certain food is triggered? I guess this post should have been two posts. One about how disappointed I am in men in general. Another about eating because of emotions. I do the same thing when faced with a bill I wasn’t expecting:)
I know that I am truly the only one who can control my emotions besides God. But, sometimes they (emotions) get the best of me no matter I hard I try to stay on top of them. I can say that I don’t like the way it feels, but I guess it happens to the best of us. Next time, I am going to jog until the feeling goes away. That way I won’t have the guilt over calories and can run off the anger or sadness and burn calories in the process. 🙂