So, I am all for happiness and positivity like the next guy, or girl. I try to compliment people in some way every time that I get together with them. Or if I see a stranger with a fab scarf … Continue reading
Tag Archives: Being Fake
So, how is one to to be real in a plastic world?
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The thing about me is that I am really kind to virtually everyone I see, unless the person is a poor driver and pulls out in front of me.:) But, I treat a cashier the same way as I do an ambassador. I of course treat my mom or daughter in a more loving manner than I do people that I don’t know. But I am just as cool with this barista at Starbucks in my neighborhood and regard him in the same way that I do with some of my closest friends.Not that it makes me this saint or that I am someone super special, but my whole point is I like spreading joy and love, but living in an area like D.C. suburbs, it can be quite tricky to keep the happiness flowing.
Being from the south, everyone was all like: “who is your family?” In the DMV (DC, MD, VA) it is: “what do you do?” So of course being that I don’t have a career really and that I don’t make buttloads of money a year, I quickly become not so interesting to a lot of the people I make small talk with at event.s The median income is over 150K in my area, so I am destitute compared to the rest of the people that I know. But I honestly find that I and some of the people that I consort with are far more interesting.
The thing is, I am usually me all of the time. I don’t know how to be any other way. I could win 5 million dollars tomorrow and act exactly the same. I would probably be more giddy because I would be out of debt and have a new car, but besides that I would be down to earth. These folks around here, are so pretentious and fake at times that I can’t handle it. I try to be real when I am dealing with them, but I find myself slipping into that superficial line of thought that many of them are a part of. It must be so nice to live in the bubble that they do where money is plentiful. But, so many of them are delusional about their lives!
These people give gadgets to their kids instead of time. They aren’t concerned about terrorism, or world problems, but instead which color to paint their dining room! I am in a dream state when speaking to some of them at gatherings. I am half wishing I could have their easy lives and half wishing I could escape the conversation because the things these people go on about are so unimportant. Many of them send their kids off all summer and let them go to countless sleepovers during the year, so between school and all of their activities there is no time spent with their children. So, needless to say it kind of frustrates me when they labor over which place to take for their winter/spring vacation with their families when their families are just mere accessories in the grand scheme of their lives.
Now don’t get me wrong. Everyone here is not plastic. But there is A LOT of it here. Maybe not plastic like cosmetic surgery plastic. But definitely in the way that what you or your spouse does for a living and what school your child goes to kind of way. I’m not in the club, and I am okay with that. But, I feel for the children who grow up with little quality time with their parents and with unrealistic expectations concerning life and relationships. This creates more plastic people. I am glad that I can live with our without these people. I can go to some events or deal with them at my kid’s rehearsals and move on. But my daughter having to deal with them is a whole different ballgame. Thankfully she is talented and has lots of friends. If she wasn’t, then it would probably difficult for her to deal with.
Since I am from a completely different area of the country, and a town that was more “normal” in regards to economics, the whole fake thing is just not me. I am also the daughter of an unspoken mom and the granddaughter of the duchess of outspokenness.:) But I think the biggest thing is, for us, being genuine is just important to who we are as women and people. Isn’t it the Christian way? Or decent way? Maybe that is the problem, lack of decency is missing. To treat others differently with the whole “have” and “have-nots” mentality is just not moral.
So, as I continue to not succumb to the ways of the plastic people, I will just remember that popular catch phrase of the late 90’s: “What would Jesus do?” That is the best way to deal with anyone that one is not fond of, or to the people that aren’t easy to relate to or even empathize with. It’s the only real way that I personally think I can take the high road without giving the phony people a too real piece of my mind.
Side note
*****If I sound jealous of these people, I don’t mean to. I think I used to want what they have, but I am so content in knowing that my life with my daughter is special. I wouldn’t trade all of the money in the world for the love and friendship that I share with her and my mother and other close relationships in my life. I think that sometimes I feel that others are so unappreciative of what they have and I think it is so unfair that they have the lives that they do. But, none of that is for me to decide or judge and wasting my time doing so, takes the joy out of living my life…
simply~
Dee
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So, I saw this hilarious book today and it referred to certain people as humble-braggers-Know one?
I know this lady. She is kind in a syrupy way. She is genuine-I think. Well, she is a decent person, but I think when it comes down to it, she is out for she and her kid over anyone, but pretends to be a bend over backwards kind of person when she clearly is not. She embellishes a lot and boasts about how many opportunities her daughter has, but it is always important to stay humble.
She smiles in a contagious way and makes everyone she meets feel warm and fuzzy. She is the best person I have ever seen at making someone feel like whatever she is saying, is 100 percent from the heart, when her motives always seem to be to get them on her side in order to have a leg up on other people. She acts like she has super close relationships with anyone in charge.
She wants to be a person that knows more. She likes to act like she always knows what is going on when she clearly does not. She is a humble-bragger. When I saw this term in a book I instantly thought of this person. I can’t say that I hate her, or completely dislike her. But my daughter and I want to say things to her to compete with her in some way just to see how she will try to “one-up” us next.
I don’t understand why people like that are not called out more for their b.s. People have to know that she is not exactly down to earth, not when she is so sugary sweet with every word. People are not like that in real life. If they are, they have to be medicated.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am a good person. I can even be super sweet. But I am real, to the core. I can’t fake my feelings about a situation. I can’t pretend to be interested in people in order to get something out of a situation. Nor do I speak about every opportunity that I or my child are offered or have come across.
For one thing, I have learned that not everyone is happy for you. I have also learned that sometimes speaking about things will come to bite you in the behind. I let this person know about some opportunities for my child and lo and behold, she schmoozed her way into them too. Hence, I have to see and hear about her crap on a regular basis.
This weekend, we are going to an important gig that will give my kid great experience and also put her in front of some important people in the acting world. Guess who is going to the same place the first chance she gets? You guessed it-the humble-bragger. She will then tell everyone that her kid was personally invited and that Steven Spielberg was there and complimented her child and thought about doing a movie specifically for her child.
How do I deal with someone like this? The constant covert competition, embellishing and talking about how fabulous her kid is grating on my nerves, especially when her kid doesn’t take the craft seriously and cannot even carry a tune. I know it is not Christian of me, but I would love to read her and tell her the truth about everything. I would love to tell her to stop being delusional and to stop pretending that they are someone who they really are not. I want to tell her to stop discussing how important humility is when she doesn’t even begin to know what it means.
Sorry, I am venting tonight. This whole humble-bragger term was super funny when I saw it. But the more I think about this person and how transparent she is with her crap, the more I got annoyed.
Good night!
~Simply Dee
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So, is there a fine line between positivity and being unrealistic and realism and negativity?
Okay, my kid is “in” acting. Meaning that she has been to a lot of classes and workshops over the last few years and has been in a couple of productions. She has auditioned for a few movie roles and commercials and she either did not get them because of distance, she wasn’t fit for the role, there were people who did a better job, we were not financially able to relocate for a role. But if you notice when I mentioned the reasons why, I did not criticize her, or the people who did the casting. What I did instead was merely point out that there are factors that were both out of her control, and some that had to do with her performance.
The truth is, you can be the best actor out of anyone that you know, but there will always be more skilled people. You can be gorgeous, smart, talented, but they may go another direction. It is hard to say what people are looking for when casting for these roles, and sometimes honestly they do not know. Last year was a whirlwind because my daughter did this 3 month prep to try out for the “big dogs”. These dogs consisted of agents and casting directors from LA and NYC. Though she fared well according to feedback, there was something missing because she never got a callback.
But, the good news is, we got away from that false and slick manager she had and now we are doing our own thing. She is under my tutelage now which means that I tell her things that make sense and do not sugar coat things for her. But I also encourage her to take risks because I know how intelligent and driven she is. So, I provide a good balance for her. Let’s get on thing clear though, I am not seeking fame. My daughter is. I hope for her to do what she loves, and put money back for college or in a trust fund. She hopes for Disney. So we have two motives here.:)
I do only have her in plays right now, and taking music classes because that is what she loves. She also takes an art class. But I do not have her in dance and voice like many parents do. For one thing, I can’t afford all of those various classes and 5 days a week of rehearsals and sometimes more is all that either of us can take. But also, I want her to be a kid. Play at the park and play dolls and go to festivals. Not be tied down like some of her other friends are to the point where they never have free time!
But I finally told her over the last 6 months that she can reach for the stars and that even though she is more talented than many kids her age (comments from directors and acting coaches), she may be famous as a kid or teenager, or it may happen in college. Or…it may happen never. I did not want to say that. I felt like a real ass for saying that. I felt like I shot down her dreams like an arrow to a balloon. But she is interested in science and other things and I don’t want those interests to wane because acting is the end all be all.
I don’t think it is mean at all, but I still felt crummy. I just want to let her know that she can reach for the stars and even major in theatre, but she may not get exactly what she wants out of it. She said that she has fun and loves it, and you can see in her eyes that she was born to perform. But, I don’t want the sparkle to die because she doesn’t achieve what she thinks she should when she should. I want her to have more goals than being a star. Being a scientist is just as noble if not more noble of a career. It is easy to tell a kid that they can become a fireman, or a doctor, or a business owner and those things can happen and do happen for many people. But not many people become successful actors. It is just a fact.
My friend/acquaintance on the other hand, lies to her child. She tells her child that she is the best and will be famous and that she is going to be on tv one day. I think it is awesome to think so positively. But her child is not disciplined, or focused, or really that great. Her son has a nice personality, but he doesn’t take direction well and does not have a good voice, and doesn’t have natural talent. So, is telling him that he WILL be a star a setup for failure? She also pays an acting coach and kisses up to this coach and the coach always praises this child unevenly. What I mean by this is, my child and a whole groups of kids had a class with this kid and this kid never remembered lines, goofed off and did not follow direction, but got a pass and tons of false compliments to go with it.
I have learned after a smarmy manager and this acting coach, that if you are paying them enough and regularly that they will say anything that you want to hear. My kid was told when the classes or showcases came to a close that she was extremely talented and the best in the class, but it was done in a whisper as to not piss of the mom that spends a lot of money and who also kisses up and praises this coach. So, would I be happy to find out everything told to my kid was a lie? Heck yeah I would.
So that is why I am going back to my point. Positivism/unrealistic and Realism/negativism. Is there a correlation? Or maybe for better terms, a parallel? I want to be positive for my kid. I mean I yell and fuss like every parent, but I go out of my way to provide nice opportunities to her and make sure that she knows that she is the cat’s meow. But I also treat her like a person and give her respect by treating her like a person, not like a pre-schooler. Is that wrong?
Or, is it more wrong to gas your kids head up with false promises and lies? Is it better to make them think they are something they are not so that they can get a huge blow to their self-esteem years later that they may not recover from? Is candy-coating their whole existence the right way to prepare a child for the future?
I would have to say no. I am not perfect. I can be bratty sometimes, even as a parent. I can have a mini-tantrum if things are not put away properly or if my child does not do what I ask after asking 5 times. But, I care so much for my child that I tell her the truth in a way that she can handle emotionally for her age in practically every situation. Now, I still haven’t told her the truth about her dad being a womanizer, but I have to draw the line of “being real” somewhere.
I want the best for my kid. I want to provide guidance and wisdom to my child, on a smaller scale in the way that God does for us. I want to teach her what I know, and tell her things that are right and just even if she doesn’t want to hear it. I also want to lead as a parent with as much truth and honesty as I can muster while allowing her to enjoy her childhood dreams because hey-those dreams could turn into reality. But mind you, I said-COULD…
Simply!~
Dee
Simply Dee in D.C. 