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So, my sweet and innocent daughter (she really is), got caught up in a not so nice group chat for her theater camp last night. One unsavory chick called out a person saying that they stink and don’t have good … Continue reading
Okay, my kid is “in” acting. Meaning that she has been to a lot of classes and workshops over the last few years and has been in a couple of productions. She has auditioned for a few movie roles and commercials and she either did not get them because of distance, she wasn’t fit for the role, there were people who did a better job, we were not financially able to relocate for a role. But if you notice when I mentioned the reasons why, I did not criticize her, or the people who did the casting. What I did instead was merely point out that there are factors that were both out of her control, and some that had to do with her performance.
The truth is, you can be the best actor out of anyone that you know, but there will always be more skilled people. You can be gorgeous, smart, talented, but they may go another direction. It is hard to say what people are looking for when casting for these roles, and sometimes honestly they do not know. Last year was a whirlwind because my daughter did this 3 month prep to try out for the “big dogs”. These dogs consisted of agents and casting directors from LA and NYC. Though she fared well according to feedback, there was something missing because she never got a callback.
But, the good news is, we got away from that false and slick manager she had and now we are doing our own thing. She is under my tutelage now which means that I tell her things that make sense and do not sugar coat things for her. But I also encourage her to take risks because I know how intelligent and driven she is. So, I provide a good balance for her. Let’s get on thing clear though, I am not seeking fame. My daughter is. I hope for her to do what she loves, and put money back for college or in a trust fund. She hopes for Disney. So we have two motives here.:)
I do only have her in plays right now, and taking music classes because that is what she loves. She also takes an art class. But I do not have her in dance and voice like many parents do. For one thing, I can’t afford all of those various classes and 5 days a week of rehearsals and sometimes more is all that either of us can take. But also, I want her to be a kid. Play at the park and play dolls and go to festivals. Not be tied down like some of her other friends are to the point where they never have free time!
But I finally told her over the last 6 months that she can reach for the stars and that even though she is more talented than many kids her age (comments from directors and acting coaches), she may be famous as a kid or teenager, or it may happen in college. Or…it may happen never. I did not want to say that. I felt like a real ass for saying that. I felt like I shot down her dreams like an arrow to a balloon. But she is interested in science and other things and I don’t want those interests to wane because acting is the end all be all.
I don’t think it is mean at all, but I still felt crummy. I just want to let her know that she can reach for the stars and even major in theatre, but she may not get exactly what she wants out of it. She said that she has fun and loves it, and you can see in her eyes that she was born to perform. But, I don’t want the sparkle to die because she doesn’t achieve what she thinks she should when she should. I want her to have more goals than being a star. Being a scientist is just as noble if not more noble of a career. It is easy to tell a kid that they can become a fireman, or a doctor, or a business owner and those things can happen and do happen for many people. But not many people become successful actors. It is just a fact.
My friend/acquaintance on the other hand, lies to her child. She tells her child that she is the best and will be famous and that she is going to be on tv one day. I think it is awesome to think so positively. But her child is not disciplined, or focused, or really that great. Her son has a nice personality, but he doesn’t take direction well and does not have a good voice, and doesn’t have natural talent. So, is telling him that he WILL be a star a setup for failure? She also pays an acting coach and kisses up to this coach and the coach always praises this child unevenly. What I mean by this is, my child and a whole groups of kids had a class with this kid and this kid never remembered lines, goofed off and did not follow direction, but got a pass and tons of false compliments to go with it.
I have learned after a smarmy manager and this acting coach, that if you are paying them enough and regularly that they will say anything that you want to hear. My kid was told when the classes or showcases came to a close that she was extremely talented and the best in the class, but it was done in a whisper as to not piss of the mom that spends a lot of money and who also kisses up and praises this coach. So, would I be happy to find out everything told to my kid was a lie? Heck yeah I would.
So that is why I am going back to my point. Positivism/unrealistic and Realism/negativism. Is there a correlation? Or maybe for better terms, a parallel? I want to be positive for my kid. I mean I yell and fuss like every parent, but I go out of my way to provide nice opportunities to her and make sure that she knows that she is the cat’s meow. But I also treat her like a person and give her respect by treating her like a person, not like a pre-schooler. Is that wrong?
Or, is it more wrong to gas your kids head up with false promises and lies? Is it better to make them think they are something they are not so that they can get a huge blow to their self-esteem years later that they may not recover from? Is candy-coating their whole existence the right way to prepare a child for the future?
I would have to say no. I am not perfect. I can be bratty sometimes, even as a parent. I can have a mini-tantrum if things are not put away properly or if my child does not do what I ask after asking 5 times. But, I care so much for my child that I tell her the truth in a way that she can handle emotionally for her age in practically every situation. Now, I still haven’t told her the truth about her dad being a womanizer, but I have to draw the line of “being real” somewhere.
I want the best for my kid. I want to provide guidance and wisdom to my child, on a smaller scale in the way that God does for us. I want to teach her what I know, and tell her things that are right and just even if she doesn’t want to hear it. I also want to lead as a parent with as much truth and honesty as I can muster while allowing her to enjoy her childhood dreams because hey-those dreams could turn into reality. But mind you, I said-COULD…
Simply!~
Dee
I was split up at movie theaters from my daughter and her 2 friends because Paddington was almost sold out. So, I sat 2 rows from the back and she sat on the front row with an older friend and the friend’s brother sat a row nearby. The whole movie I could hear several children yelling and screaming and making a ruckus and about 45 minutes into the movie, I wanted to make sure the kids weren’t being disturbed. I also wanted to make sure that they did not need anything like a snack or bathroom visit, etc. I crouched down beside my kid who sat on the end of the first row. I discovered the source of the noise-3 kids that no one was paying attention to at all. I kept looking an no one was even saying a word to them. What makes it bad is that the kids were playing with the switches on the electronic chair and making the recliner seats go back and forth and were standing in their seats. How is that no one said anything about their behavior? I am sure that others were unhappy about their movie experience.
Enter me. I said shh. Shhhhh. My daughter said it too because we could not even have a whisper conversation about what she needed because they were so loud. So I turned around, with a bit of an attitude and said: “can you please do something about your kids and tell them to be quiet. They are disturbing EVERYONE.” She said: “You are so nice. Thanks for telling me how to parent.” I then said: “if you were parenting, I would not have to say anything.” This was all in annoyed whispers. I told her on my way out that I am going to tell management if she doesn’t keep it down. (by the way, kids told me how much they were being aggravated by the kids and they could barely hear the movie)
So when I came back from snacks, I did not tell management and I dropped off stuff to kids. They told me that she called me and effing b—- 3 times where they could hear it and right in front of their kids. The rows are far apart because there are recliners, so this means she was saying it very loud. Her children could hear it. Mine could hear it and other innocent kids could too. And, her kids were still being loud. So, she had pushed my buttons because I have never in my child’s whole life used a bad word in front of her. Not saying I do not cuss like a sailor when she is not around. I am just saying that she has never heard it from me. And, we do not watch movies with language like that. But somewhere along the line, she has heard the words.
So, I was pissed. I told the lady I am going to tell the management about her profanity and the incessant noise from her kids. So, she literally runs up the aisle beside me to tell me she wanted to “talk”. So why would she think I want to do that? I have wasted time on her already and I am missing the movie. So as I am walking to a theater employee she said: “Do you have kids?” I said, “yep”. Then she goes on about how this was their first time at the movie and that they were laughing and enjoying the movie like all of the other kids. Basically, she was full of crap. Denied cursing loudly and the guy asked to hear her side of the story first. She told him that I was harassing her.
So, I interrupted and said that I spent a lot for 4 people to come to the movie. I was missing said movie. Can they please do something about her? So, the manager walked up and told her if she couldn’t quiet down they would have to leave. Then she said: “Her kids are making noise.” She was PSYCHO. There must have been more complaints about her because an usher was sent directly to her row at the right end. Then, the manager came in also. They had words with her and miraculously, her kids and husband or whomever she was with were quiet. Not one noise the rest of the movie. So why couldn’t she engage with her kids earlier? Why do parents not parent anymore? Why did I have to go through all of that to enjoy a movie? Funny part, at the end she did not jump up to start anything. They sat quietly in their seats as everyone left theater. Wow, maybe I will sit in back from now on. It is easy to see everything:)
I know, I know. I was being antagonistic.I wasn’t doing what Jesus would do. I am trying to work on being a better person. I could have said nothing. But at the same time, it kind of helped me realize that it is okay to stand up and not deal with this kind of crap. But my delivery sucked. After the lady smarted off at me, I told her to tell her kids to shut up. That wasn’t nice. I know. But I get so sick of people not taking responsibility. Thinking that they can act like complete jerks and everyone around them is supposed to live with and accept it. So, I am going to approach it differently next time. Next time, I am going to ask the management without speaking to the person, to please handle noise issues. If they don’t handle it, I will ask for a refund. I missed 20 minutes of the movie dealing with the non-parent.
Maybe after enough people stand up and say something, movie theaters will get a hint. There is a movie theater about 30 miles from DC and children under 5 can only come and certain times of the day. I think that makes tons of sense! Also, at 12-14 dollars a ticket, it is nice to know that there will be a guarantee there will be no crazy behavior. This same theater has slips of paper to leave on your table (It is a full service theater with food and drink) and when they read your paper about a complaint, they will confront the patrons. If the patrons get 2 complaints, they get kicked out. Maybe I need to make the extra time to go to the movies just to know that I can attend a movie and actually get to hear it.
If I am being harsh, I am sorry. I just wish that more of my generation would teach the concept of mutual respect in the way that a lot of us learned it as kids. What happened when “we” became parents? A lot of us decided that no rules was a smart approach? Did the processed food and formula get to our heads? Whatever the problem, I am going to change the story. One movie at a time:)
PS-since I have been a parent, this kind of thing bugs me even more…
I was never the type of person that said that Oh My Gosh, I can’t wait to get married and have kids!!!! I knew I wanted to get married one day, and I would hopefully have a few kids, but I wasn’t pressed to do either. It also did not help that I found out at 19 that getting pregnant would be very difficult for me, so I guess I subconsciously tried to not be too excited about kids just in case I couldn’t have one.
That being said, my kid has changed my life greatly. I totally yell and have a sharp tone of voice with her. I am not syrupy sweet to her every second and it is sometimes unfair that I take out a frustration on her, but that is what loved ones do unfortunately. But I meet so many of these effing Stepford wannabes in the D.C. area that as my very southern mom would say-“Sugar wouldn’t melt in their mouth”, which is supposed to mean that they are super fakey sweet. But these same moms, are literal monsters when they are not in public. Or, they suck it up all of the time and never get mad, but when they do it is ugly.
I am the kind of person that nips a problem immediately. My kid is being snarky, I tell her to shut her mouth. One of her friends is speaking rude, I tell her to cut that crap out. So, even though I speak sharply sometimes, it is rarely “real yelling”, but more of a raised voice. I am saying all of this to say that we are all human, but people need to realize what a gift kids are. I wish some of these people could speak to women that cannot have kids or to those who have lost kids to death.
I think that we should appreciate all of our loved ones to the ability that we can every day. That does not mean that everything is rosy. Or that things will all be easy. But I get so sick of women that I know complaining about how their children are wearing them out or that they are mad about a snow day or that they can’t wait until Christmas break or Easter break or summer break is over. Cherish your kids!!! They are little for a short time. Eighteen years flies by. My child is only half of that, but that half went by in a blink and I have only spent maybe 3 days away from her in all of those years! I am home with her 24/7 because she is home schooled and her dad is a jackass and never gets her and I still manage to appreciate our mom/daughter relationship. It will change over the years for the good and the bad, but it is too special to just ignore or be sick of.
So, for all of the full time career moms that say: “Well, you don’t know how it is-you don’t have a full-time job!” I could say a lot to these disillusioned bimbos. But I will simply say: BOLLOX!! I keep kids 25 hours per week. I just finished another Master’s, I home school my kid. I have no help from any family member because my mom is 700 miles away and his family does nothing for me or my daughter. We spent 15-20 hours a week for months with my daughter’s art and acting classes and performances on top of everything else . So where these superior women spend 60 hours at work, 20 hours socializing and 20 hours a week with their kids, I do ALL that I mentioned with my kid present.
So it may sound if I am being judgmental too, but I am not. I am the one that is judged more often than not. I was a late bloomer. I am just now doing career-oriented things, for one reason because I took a 10 year break. But, I am just explaining that I may not have job stress, but no one is around to teach or raise or entertain my kids except for me or her friends on an occasional play date. There are 5 kids over here right now. That is the way I like it. All of her friends want to be here, because though I am stern and strict, I am fun and caring and make things about the kids. To make matters worse, some of these same women have weekends away from their kids and still complain about how their kid is getting on their nerves the weekends that they are “on.”
It not only sickens me, but it makes me wonder why the hell they had kids. Because it was on their to do list? Or because it was an accident? Or because it seemed like the right time in their life and everyone else was doing it too? I don’t claim to be a saint, but I am a good mom. I am not a doctor, a lawyer, a CEO, but I am one helluva mother. I am a friend, chauffeur, nurse, caregiver, advice giver, personal assistant, personal shopper, counselor, and so much more and I do not make 6 figures. But every night, I pray that I can live to be 100 to be around for my baby. I realize the gift that she truly is.
I hope and pray that these moms and dads that are only there when their children are being recognized, or are shining, wake up before it is too late. It would be a pity for their children to parent in the same way. Or, for these neglected children to wake up one day and want nothing to do with their parents.
The Washington, D.C. area is one of the wealthiest areas in this country. The neglect is not the same as in other places. These kids are entitled. Sure they have food and shelter.They also have many, many “things”. Uggs, and iPads and Northface jackets and shiny objects. What many of them that I have witnessed do not get is: time, attention, consideration, proper discipline, or no discipline at all. In some case, poor nutrition because they eat fast food as they are being shuttled from activity to activity or from caregiver to caregiver. (not that we never eat fast food, but you get the point I hope) They may live in gorgeous homes and safe areas,but many of them are empty and sad.
Most of the families that I have cared for, this is not the case. But I have been a tutor/teacher/nanny to kids in this area for 11 years, so I am not being overly dramatic or emotional. I have seen and cared for some of these kids that are just an accessory to their parents-or it sure as heck seems like it. Throwing material things at these kids is not a myth, it is the plain truth and happens all of the time. These types of parents think that giving kids a 50,000 dollar car when they are 16 replaces hugs and love. But what so many of these kids are begging for is someone to notice them, or to listen to them or tell them that they are not allowed to do something because it is a sign that someone cares. I truly hope these parents put the puzzle pieces together sooner than later.
Sorry to be a downer, but it had to be said…
Simply~
Dee
Simply Dee in D.C. 