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So, I have felt convicted as of late…
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For those of you who practice a faith, do you feel convicted about things? Do you just know right from wrong and abstain, or do you tow the line and then feel convicted in your spirit when you know that it feels wrong? Which camp are you?
My friend told me today that there are 3 forces working against us: the devil, the world and the flesh. For me, the world is my oyster, therefore the world is my issue. I don’t want to say I am a lukewarm Christian, but maybe I am.
I watch some of the popular shows and movies, I dress in current fashions, I keep up with the latest gadgets and know who the hottest singers are. There is nothing wrong with that. There really isn’t. But, my behavior and lifestyle do not separate me from people who are non-Christians, most of the time.
Not that a Christian person is better than anyone else, but if I want to be a follower of Christ, then shouldn’t I exude something different than the average person? It seems that some of what is hip and popular, sometimes may not align with the life I am trying to lead. I am not saying I can’t listen to any pop music or anything secular. But, what I am saying is that I should be putting better things into my ears and brain and psyche.
I was watching a show the other night and it is a show that I would never let my kid watch. For one, she is too young, but the show was just so inappropriate. I would never watch it in front of my mother, and with certain friends I would fee quite embarrassed even. If I am afraid to see it with my mom around, then imagine if Jesus were sitting in the same room with me!
Now some of this may be heavy duty religious for some of you, in a society that is increasingly not. But, this is on my heart. I watched War Room 3 times this week, and I am now watching a true story about a man who was clinically dead for 90 minutes and he came to. I feel like I should be putting more purity in my life and more faith based movies and songs should be the main part of my repertoire.
So, I am going to try to stay away from movies, shows, music that is not acceptable to “the kingdom” as they say in the south. I want to set a great example for my kid. I don’t want to tell her she can’t do something, and then I go and do it because that would be like “do as I say not as I do.” I know she’s a kid and there are just some things that she can’t see or do because she deserves to enjoy youth and some subject matter is just too heavy.
I know I can’t regain innocence or unlearn the harshness of the world. But, I can feed my spirit with good things so that I can prosper in my relationship with God and also lead a life that sets me apart from others. I want to not only have joy, but exude it. I want people to ask me why I am happy all of the time. Living a life more accepting to God, can lead me to a closer relationship with Him and a better outlook on life and hopefully show others that the love of Christ is not to be feared, but is something we all need in our lives.
What do you all do to keep less of the world out of your lives, and more of Christ in? I no longer want to be lukewarm. I want to be on fire Christ, which will lead me blessings and plans laid out by Him that are beyond my wildest dreams. But I just don’t know how to get there. This kind of talk is not what the average Presbyterian church like mine would dare speak of. It is for the “holy rollers” or “Bible thumpers”. I don’t really care though because I feel like in order to get to the life I want, that prayer to God and a focus on a strong relationship with Him are more important than folks thinking I have turned into a nutjob.
The truth is, I haven’t changed and that is the problem. The differences in me now and me 20 years ago are so minute except that I am a mom and live in a different state. My attitude towards people is not better. I don’t have a job I love, nor do I make oodles of money. Besides my life with my child, I do not have a lot of satisfaction. So, apparently it makes sense for me to lean on the architect of the universe to take the lead and me for once not try to do things my way.
Happy late Saturday night/early Sunday morning. I hope that whatever your relationship is with God, that it is where you want it to be. If you don’t have one, I hope that you will consider turning to Him not just in time of need, but in times of Thanksgiving and for counsel. Because, there is no greater counselor…
simply~
Dee
Show your friends
Do you ever feel like when people say ask and you shall receive that it doesn’t apply to you?
So, I have a decent life. Cute little condo/apt/flat. Adorable and intelligent kid. Fat cat. Fabulous mom. But, I am lacking the “big money” and “the man”. Those 2 things get to me sometimes. The money more than the man. To be honest, I don’t want “big” money, just enough money.
I think about all of the tragedies in Kenya and other parts of Africa and the Middle East with those sick and twisted terrorists and I know that I have a good life. I really do. But, I am so sick of waiting for my ship to come in. I want to go on the longer vacation or not have to find a dress for a wedding that I am a part of on clearance.
Nothing fancy, just having a consistent income that can provide for us without the help of my mom. Having to pay her back is always on my mind. She doesn’t want the money back or doesn’t consider it a loan when she helps me. But nonetheless, I am grown and do not want to need her to help me out. I have always worked jobs even when I am bright enough and educated enough to have a real career.
I am so not lazy. I am motivated to do better. I just haven’t gotten there. Do not get me wrong, I am not job searching 24/7. But there are limitations on jobs that I can take. They can’t be nights, weekends, or with travel because I am a single parent with no family nearby.
I do not spend every waking moment looking for the dream job. I work to pay my bills and hope for the best and put in an application when I can. I just kind of feel like it is hard to find the kind of work I need to fit my schedule with my child and to provide for us without me working multiple gigs.
I mean, I take care of children, I run errands and dog walk. There is no shame in my game. But when one of my part-time things come to an end, like my recent loss of 600 per month, I am screwed. I was beginning to get ahead and pay some credit cards down. I really owe a lot on car repair ones as well as a vet credit account and I was really cutting them down substantially. Until last week.
So, here I am struggling even more, again. I want to do something real, with more permanence. Something I love. I don’t want to help people with their dreams all of the time while wishing I was doing anything else than working for them or with them. It’s not the people, I just want to do something meaningful to me that will last and pay the bills.
That is where I get around to the part about when people say: Just ask God and you will receive, I want to believe it works for me. I know God loves me and always has my back. But, I never have a door open, or at least I don’t feel like it. I feel like I have a tiny porthole in the form of a tutoring gig. But I don’t have a larger window or sliding glass door in the form of something substantial.
I have student loans to pay and credit accounts and have to keep a roof over our head and the car running. Of course, we do some leisure activities and my kid is forever acting in one gig or another, so we have some money. But since I lost that little job last week, I have to say goodbye to cable this week. We did not have it for over 2 years and my mom suggested that my daughter would love to have it again.
In the meantime, I have gotten used to it and now I have to tell my night-time entertainment goodbye. But that is such a First World Problem and I know it. But, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to do better and provide better and improve myself.
I hope that someone out there like Revolutionary Christian or another of you wonderful readers and bloggers will pray for me. I really am at a tricky point in my life right now. I got this major feeling that God was helping me to leave a situation that I detested in order to stop being stagnant and being stuck in “just mode”.
Just getting by. Just getting enough sleep. Just making ends meet. Just doing what I gotta do.
Thanks for listening and reading and bearing with me while I try to figure out how to trust God more and how to believe that I can achieve greater things and that God will fix it all for me.
Good night.
Simply~
Dee
Show your friends
Okay, so I got busy again…
I am still up! But, I am trying to be more “clean” so I did cleaning of the kitchen floor and other annoying duties. Then I got roped into “The Goblet of Fire”. It is silly that we have the whole HP series on DVD and when it comes on tv, I have to watch it anyway. About Harry Potter. How many of you Christians think that it is demonic? That drives me freaking crazy!! When my child was in private school for kindergarten (she was bored out of her mind), we would drive one hour in traffic to get to her school. She was about a 3rd grade reading comprehension at that point and though she was smart, I knew she could not read a 600 page book. So, we listened to the CD on the way to her half-day school adventure and on the way back. We would both jump in the car with anticipation of what was coming next. I knew the whole story because I had seen the 5 or 6 movies that were out at that point and had read all of the books. But the audio was amazing. They guy who was the narrator did over 100 voices and was phenomenal.
I digress. My little girl who was not ready for the movies, and probably did not “get” all of the audio, learned so many lessons from Harry Potter and friends. She learned about bullies, and friendship, and good and evil. Much like what she was learning at the Christian school at the time. You know, the teachings on Jesus and the fall of Satan and all of that good stuff. It is very much akin to HP lessons and trials. Not saying that Jesus is similar to an 11 year old wizard with glasses. But I am saying that in HP magical world, HP is the savior of their world. Obviously, in my opinion anyway, Jesus is the savior of the real world. You get the point.
Anyway, we cheered Gryffindor on and tsked when Malfoy came on and my kid asked questions, and it was an awesome way to “geek out” and bond together. We even went to Harry Potter World a couple of years later (which disappointed me), but the point is, we got a lot out of it. One of our friends said that his daughters can’t watch or read about HP because of the spells and incantations. They are just Latin derivatives. They aren’t real, they are just a part of the story. My daughter isn’t doing seances, nor does she dress as a demon for Halloween.
I think sometimes we as Christians and people and parents in general just need to chill the heck out about a lot of things. Stop being so PC and reading something into everything and just live and enjoy life. Of course, I can’t make someone believe in the way that I do. Nor can someone control the way that I live my life or raise my kid. But I think saying things about Harry Potter being anti-Christian, just gives Christians a bad name. I think that having less judgment as Christians would go a long, long way. Like the whole gay issue. But that is another topic all together.
Okay, okay. I am going to try very hard to go to sleep soon. Eight hours in two nights is just not good for anyone. But to be honest, I got a bit re-energized when I found out that I don’t have to work in the morning and I was already off tomorrow night. So, here I go, getting off schedule again. To be honest, I just have a lot of excitement about this new year. More excitement than I have had in a long time and I just can’t hide it. Yes, that was a Pointer Sisters Reference for those of you born before 1990.:)
Nighty night.
Simply~
Dee
Simply Dee in D.C. 