In the spirit of being real…

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People always say it is not a good idea to speak about religion and politics. But, if you are having a real conversation with friends or people that you are getting to know, doesn’t it make sense to put your thoughts/beliefs on the table? It is hard for me to hold back on these 2 things that largely define me as a person. Adult friendships can be so tricky!

I feel that some of my relationships have not improved or have had problems, because of the marked differences of opinions or core beliefs in regards to politics or religion. If I had known they were so diametrically opposed to my core values, maybe I would not have pursued the play dates so readily. I know it is thought to be distasteful or rude to speak about these subjects openly, but when is a good time?

Developing friendships when younger is so simple because there is school and then extracurricular activities, so meeting friends is a cinch. People during those years aren’t defined by the larger meanings in life. Either you are into My Little Pony or American Girl, or into video games or playing outside. Even if everyone doesn’t like the same thing, it doesn’t matter,because on the playground everyone has a blast. The simplicity of childhood makes being a grown up quite unattractive at times.

As a child I would count down days and weeks and years to a day I looked forward to. I remember counting down the years until I turned 13, and then I couldn’t wait until I was 16 because of driving! Next was the super exciting year of 18, when I got to go to college and have no rules. My 21st was important for obvious reasons.:) But when I turned about 25, I woke up and thought omg! I am a certified grown up with bills and a job and responsibilities and a serious relationship. Then I really longed for less. Less to worry about and less to deal with and keep up with. But unfortunately, time does not travel backward. It just keeps marching on, no matter how much we would like it to stop or pause.

So I find myself as a single mom with a wonderful kid, living in a fabulous area and I still feel like I want so and so to happen by next year. I am still yearning for more, but overall I am pretty happy. I think it is normal for most of us to want more. I like who I am for the most part and I know that I can improve upon a few things, but at this point I am probably going to be the person that I am right now. So, it is hard for me to be anyone different from who I am. Sometimes I want to make more friends and expand my circle, but the thought of having to start over again with people who don’t know or get me is just exhausting.

I was speaking with a friend tonight while our kids were playing and we both said that there is just something special about people who knew you back in the day. There is just a comfort and ease that goes along with history and people that were there through all of the crazy stages and loved you then and still love you in your more buttoned up and mature way , as well. So needless to say, I want people in my life, but I am not incredibly open to meeting new people. Because, there are so many reasons as to why I am the way I am. That is true for all of us I suppose. I feel like at this point in my life, cultivating new relationships is damn near impossible.

As much as I want girlfriends to hang with, I feel like I would rather have less time with peers if the time is not going to be with people that I truly appreciate or vcvs. I guess the one to two times a year I visit my hometown will have to be the times that I really get to be me and be among kindred spirits. Of course I have a couple of really good friends here, but most of my closest friends are the ones who knew me back when. I will continue to enjoy the time I spend with my kiddo and see my good mom friends every few months. Then, when my baby girl is all grown up (not that I am rushing that!), perhaps I will live like a Golden Girl with no filter, and enjoy true sisterhood once again. Until then, I will remain somewhat politically correct and cordial and laugh only when deemed apropos by Washington, D.C. standards.:) (Okay, I am being a bit facetious in this post, I admit it!)

So, how is one to to be real in a plastic world?

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The thing about me is that I am really kind to virtually everyone I see, unless the person is a poor driver and pulls out in front of me.:) But, I treat a cashier the same way as I do an ambassador. I of course treat my mom or daughter in a more loving manner than I do people that I don’t know. But I am just as cool with this barista at Starbucks in my neighborhood and regard him in the same way that I do with some of my closest friends.Not that it makes me this saint or that I am someone super special, but my whole point is I like spreading joy and love, but living in an area like D.C. suburbs, it can be quite tricky to keep the happiness flowing.

Being from the south, everyone was all like: “who is your family?” In the DMV (DC, MD, VA) it is: “what do you do?” So of course being that I don’t have a career really and that I don’t make buttloads of money a year, I quickly become not so interesting to a lot of the people I make small talk with at event.s The median income is over 150K in my area, so I am destitute compared to the rest of the people that I know. But I honestly find that I and some of the people that I consort with are far more interesting.

The thing is, I am usually me all of the time. I don’t know how to be any other way. I could win 5 million dollars tomorrow and act exactly the same. I would probably be more giddy because I would be out of debt and have a new car, but besides that I would be down to earth. These folks around here, are so pretentious and fake at times that I can’t handle it. I try to be real when I am dealing with them, but I find myself slipping into that superficial line of thought that many of them are a part of. It must be so nice to live in the bubble that they do where money is plentiful. But, so many of them are delusional about their lives!

These people give gadgets to their kids instead of time. They aren’t concerned about terrorism, or world problems, but instead which color to paint their dining room! I am in a dream state when speaking to some of them at gatherings. I am half wishing I could have their easy lives and half wishing I could escape the conversation because the things these people go on about are so unimportant. Many of them send their kids off all summer and let them go to countless sleepovers during the year, so between school and all of their activities there is no time spent with their children. So, needless to say it kind of frustrates me when they labor over which place to take for their winter/spring vacation with their families when their families are just mere accessories in the grand scheme of their lives.

Now don’t get me wrong. Everyone here is not plastic. But there is A LOT of it here. Maybe not plastic like cosmetic surgery plastic. But definitely in the way that what you or your spouse does for a living and what school your child goes to kind of way. I’m not in the club, and I am okay with that. But, I feel for the children who grow up with little quality time with their parents and with unrealistic expectations concerning life and relationships. This creates more plastic people. I am glad that I can live with our without these people. I can go to some events or deal with them at my kid’s rehearsals and move on. But my daughter having to deal with them is a whole different ballgame. Thankfully she is talented and has lots of friends. If she wasn’t, then it would probably difficult for her to deal with.

Since I am from a completely different area of the country, and a town that was more “normal” in regards to economics, the whole fake thing is just not me. I am also the daughter of an unspoken mom and the granddaughter of the duchess of outspokenness.:) But I think the biggest thing is, for us, being genuine is just important to who we are as women and people. Isn’t it the Christian way? Or decent way? Maybe that is the problem, lack of decency is missing. To treat others differently with the whole “have” and “have-nots” mentality is just not moral.

So, as I continue to not succumb to the ways of the plastic people, I will just remember that popular catch phrase of the late 90’s: “What would Jesus do?” That is the best way to deal with anyone that one is not fond of, or to the people that aren’t easy to relate to or even empathize with. It’s the only real way that I personally think I can take the high road without giving the phony people a too real piece of my mind.

Side note

*****If I sound jealous of these people, I don’t mean to. I think I used to want what they have, but I am so content in knowing that my life with my daughter is special. I wouldn’t trade all of the money in the world for the love and friendship that I share with her and my mother and other close relationships in my life. I think that sometimes I feel that others are so unappreciative of what they have and I think it is so unfair that they have the lives that they do. But, none of that is for me to decide or judge and wasting my time doing so, takes the joy out of living my life…

simply~

Dee

So, how do people with perfectly clean houses keep them perfect?

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I am trying this whole cleanliness is next to Godliness path. I have mentioned many times in the last 2 weeks how I am getting rid of things. I am also washing throws and quilts and pillows because of my whole dust mite issue. And, I am dusting and using the vac more. My new cleaning trick is using peppermint oil and water to keep stovetop and counters clean as well as sink fixtures. To clean our kitchen floor, I sweep all of the gunk on to living room carpet and Hoover it up and then mop the floor to make sure to get all of the little particles instead of having dust fly everywhere. I would normally try repeatedly to get every stray piece of lint into a useless dust pan, but dustpan days are over unless I am sweeping up cat litter.

After cleaning today, I go to take a shower in my daughter’s bathroom and lo and behold, I notice little dust bunnies in the corner of her bathroom. Also, errant beads from an old necklace in 2 corners. I have tried so hard to not let the cleaning chores get out of hand. I’ll explain a bit. I am a neat freak when it comes to everything having a place. But when it comes to deep cleaning, I suck at it. It has a lot to do with the fact that when I was in my 20’s I cleaned houses for over 5 years because I had a cleaning business during college. After that business, I haven’t felt like deep cleaning things on a regular basis.

So, though my house is not dirty. It is not ‘eat off of the kitchen floor clean’ like my mom’s place. Everyday she is doing chores and there is nothing in her place that needs to be clean. It’s just her and 2 cats. Maybe that is it. Perfectly clean homes look so perfect because people are banging their heads up against the wall every single day to keep them up. I just don’t care to strive that hard for a never-ending task, except perhaps being a better Christian. Beyond that, I can’t be all in for something that brings no real satisfaction.

Yes, I love it when my home smells clean and things shine and sparkle. But, I don’t want to miss out on fun moments with my daughter because I am constantly cleaning. Today, we were supposed to watch a movie, and I watched it. About 50 percent of it. The rest of the time I was tidying up because her friend was on her way over, which of course meant her friend’s mom would come in and chat. So I lit candles and wiped things down and put things away but missed that quality time with the best kid in the world.

Maybe the answer to what lies behind all of this perfection is that these moms I know make their kids clean it all! Yeah right. Or, they hire a secret housekeeper like Alice from the Brady Bunch, but she is hidden away in another room or only cleans late at night. Then, when I go visit friends that have multiple kids, the house is perfect and my friend isn’t disheveled because “Alice” the cleaning fairy swept in and saved the day? I need to hire an Alice. Perhaps when I have money to pay all of my bills without crunching numbers repeatedly that can happen. Since the powerball thing didn’t go as planned for me, I may have to wait on that. Until then, I guess I will take it one dust bunny at a time.

Do any of you guys have any cleaning secrets or tips to help an ex-cleaner like me?

simply~

Dee

So, are you still you when you travel???

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When I travel, which is nearly not enough and to not too many places, I don’t want to be just regular me. Not that my fashion sense isn’t good, because dressing well is part of who I am (most of the time), but I like to be different when I am somewhere else.

Even when I visit my hometown, I try different outfit combos that I don’t normally wear in D.C. Maybe I pull out my short boots and wear them with leggings and a knee length dress. Or wear a hat that I haven’t pulled out in years. When I travel to places besides home, I try to not look touristy, so I wear my normal black ensemble. It works really well in NYC:).

But besides clothing, I try to push the envelope. I try to be bolder in my choices. Maybe I will order the raw salmon appetizer that I would typically avoid. Or, I will go to an event or neighborhood that locals go to that may not actually be my cup of tea, but is different enough to not be me. I don’t want to go to Paris and just see the Eiffel Tower or just go to the top 10 places rated by Fodor’s. I want to go to a cafe that artists and poets go to. Or venture a few miles out of the city and go to a mom’s and pop’s patisserie.

Are you like that? Do you stay on the tour bus, or do you jump off and make your own tour? I am the kind of person that won’t buy the birthday package at a store or place, but take bits and pieces of activities at different places and make a party that is mine. You know, take the best parts of a situation or place and tailor it to fit me or my style.

Now don’t get me wrong, I won’t jump off a bus anywhere without a bit of research. I do have the kind of personality that thinks about crime and bad areas, etc. But, I look into it before an adventure, therefore not taking the fun out of being exciting and adventurous.

Darn! Now, I want to go on an awesome trip! Not just to see family or for a reason, but just because. Well, a girl can dream. And, make lists. And add some dollars to our Paris/Europe destination jar.:)

simply~

Dee

So, this is a random topic, but…

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Have any of you gotten a really cheap deal on a plane ticket ever? I feel like its urban legend or something. I am trying to book tickets for us to go to Vegas in the fall for a destination wedding and to see family. I am also trying to book tickets to go down south to visit family this spring. I have a few tax dollars coming and decided to spend them on these trips because it would be worth it, seeing family is always worth it (most of the time).

I found great sites that say they have flights for less than 100 dollars and when I input my dates, it is like 300 dollars. I don’t fly out on Fridays or come back on Mondays and I try to stay long enough for it to be cheaper. I even book on Wednesdays which is the cheapest day to buy. So, is it like one of those black Friday sales when tvs have been marked down from 1000 to 500 but there are only 2 that are in stock?

If you guys have any tips or know any more secrets, I am in! I am also accepting miles from anyone who has to many.:) It is exciting to think about traveling to special events to see amazing people, but times like this I wish I worked for an airline or either on someone’s flight privileges. Oh well, a girl can dream. Speaking of, I have got to get some shut eye. I may be productive in 2016, but I am not sleeping enough. Night!

simply~

Dee

So, I went to a party with a bunch of diplomats…

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The party was fun, but I quickly realized that diplomats are just regular people like me. The person that I went to the party for is a diplomat and he is dating my friend and he is cool. But, I had this expectation of hot single men with gorgeous accents. The party had cool accents, but I don’t think anyone there was single and I did not see anyone that I was drawn to. But I wonder if that is because I kind of have my radar off because my heart is all closed up?

I dream often of being in a relationship again and falling in love again, but then I think about my daughter and how I love her life and how I don’t want anyone to mess that up. I would love for her to have a stepfather that could step in and take the place of her father, but I am not willing to take the chance on my heart, heck both of our hearts. I think often that I can wait until she is closer to adulthood because I will still look young. But then I think that I could be missing out on someone great.

So, my prayer to God is for Him to only bring someone in to our lives if he would only bring positive things to us and add to our lives and not harm us in any way. So, perhaps that is why nothing has never transpired. I want to think and hope and believe that it will happen for me again one day. But then I think to myself, I don’t know if I can let go again for someone.

You know, open up and be vulnerable and talk in depth about my hopes and dreams. I am so happy for people that have these relationships, but when I think about being that way again with anyone I feel like it’s all so cheesy and all in vain. I have never had a successful relationship with a man, so it’s kind of like I feel like I suck at it so why should I keep trying?

To be honest, I have grown so much spiritually and mentally since my husband moved out 6 1/2 years ago. It was my decision for him to leave because I didn’t want a dysfunctional relationship for our then very little girl. It was the best choice for us because he was gone more than he was home and infidelity was the theme on his part. So, I feel like I would rather be alone than live like that again. So, we have.

I have been on dates over the last 6 years with maybe 5 men. One man I had a phone relationship with for probably 3 months because he was from my home state and we met through and old school friend. We met up a couple of times and the chemistry there but since I wasn’t legally divorced and was separated he wasn’t comfortable with any of it. He was everything that my husband wasn’t. He went to church, didn’t go to clubs or bars, he was working in a stable field. But, he was controlling and stuck in the 50’s!

Needless to say, with my personality and opinions, I was way too much for him. I felt like I had to be someone else when I was around him. Kind of like being at a cocktail party or at a party with diplomats.:) Funny thing is, I am super comfortable at a party with strangers because I will probably never see them again. I flash a smile, make witty comments, have champagne and try the appetizers. But opening up to a person romantically? Don’t know if I have it in me anymore. It’s like I have turned into an introverted extrovert.

I call myself a hopeless romantic. But perhaps I am just super duper hopeless when it comes to trusting my heart with someone  again? Well, at least the food and drinks were good at the party and the people were not half bad either. Romantic prospects for Dee (me)? Zilch. Zero. Nada. But maybe that is what made the party a success. No strings attached, especially not my heart strings…

simply~

Dee

 

So, I am sick of all of this pc crap. Are you???

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I am so sick of hearing how people are being left out of something or not getting something they deserve. This whole thing about black people not being nominated for an Academy Award this year, is grating on my nerves. Maybe the other people in the other roles were considered better actors. I mean some characters require so much more depth from actors and range than other roles do. And, I am not a fool, I know for decades there was so much discrimination in Hollywood. But, I honestly feel like we are getting past that. Not completely, but we as a nation have come a long way.

Before you think that I am intolerant, or not empathetic or perhaps a white elitist, stop. I married a guy a decade ago with 10 times the melanin that I have. 🙂 Therefore, my child is not fully white and has African, Indian (the country) and Portuguese roots from her dad’s side. And, I was raised in the south and had as many black friends as white. I actually got along better with black girls at my school because I was very bold and outspoken, which didn’t quite match up with my more submissive and proper southern fellow white girls.

I digress, I am not racist and I do care about people different from me. But I get sick of every situation being about offending or being unfair to some group, be it a gender or race or socioeconomic group. It’s tiring.

The latest thing that drives me crazy is the EEOC targeting business owners that could be discriminating against Muslims. This is literally setting up businesses to fail because some people will fabricate discrimination like the clock boy who purposely brought a clock he didn’t make, but staged to resemble a bomb on 9/11. But that was discrimination? A teacher in anther class told him to put it away, but he knew if he pushed the envelope he would get in trouble and be able to get attention worldwide. Or at least his father did.

Anyway, I just like common sense people who do not try to create reasons to protest and who are not overly litigious. Sometimes life isn’t fair. Sometimes people will treat you terribly and you may have done nothing at all to deserve it. Sometimes people bring things upon themselves (clock boy). And sometimes someone’s performance at work just doesn’t measure up to the work of others. It is just how it is.

I know discrimination exists and some people will give their all and may be judged on skin color or gender or sexual orientation and that isn’t right. We can all continue to do all that we can to stop those injustices. But everything that happens to a person of color or a woman or a person of a certain religion that doesn’t make them happy does not mean it is because of those traits. Sometimes it’s just how the cookie crumbles. It’s not fun to lose or miss out on a raise or to follow rules one may not agree with, but everyone is not entitled to everything. Point blank period…

simply~

Dee