Author Archives: Simply Dee In D.C. (and NYC)

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About Simply Dee In D.C. (and NYC)

Blog: Southern Charm, Northern Attitude, Plain Spoken, and Straight Up Me: Conservative Progressive, Christian, Mom, Animal Advocate, Hard Working, Loving, Don't Start None Won't Be None Kinda Gal

So, how do people with perfectly clean houses keep them perfect?

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I am trying this whole cleanliness is next to Godliness path. I have mentioned many times in the last 2 weeks how I am getting rid of things. I am also washing throws and quilts and pillows because of my whole dust mite issue. And, I am dusting and using the vac more. My new cleaning trick is using peppermint oil and water to keep stovetop and counters clean as well as sink fixtures. To clean our kitchen floor, I sweep all of the gunk on to living room carpet and Hoover it up and then mop the floor to make sure to get all of the little particles instead of having dust fly everywhere. I would normally try repeatedly to get every stray piece of lint into a useless dust pan, but dustpan days are over unless I am sweeping up cat litter.

After cleaning today, I go to take a shower in my daughter’s bathroom and lo and behold, I notice little dust bunnies in the corner of her bathroom. Also, errant beads from an old necklace in 2 corners. I have tried so hard to not let the cleaning chores get out of hand. I’ll explain a bit. I am a neat freak when it comes to everything having a place. But when it comes to deep cleaning, I suck at it. It has a lot to do with the fact that when I was in my 20’s I cleaned houses for over 5 years because I had a cleaning business during college. After that business, I haven’t felt like deep cleaning things on a regular basis.

So, though my house is not dirty. It is not ‘eat off of the kitchen floor clean’ like my mom’s place. Everyday she is doing chores and there is nothing in her place that needs to be clean. It’s just her and 2 cats. Maybe that is it. Perfectly clean homes look so perfect because people are banging their heads up against the wall every single day to keep them up. I just don’t care to strive that hard for a never-ending task, except perhaps being a better Christian. Beyond that, I can’t be all in for something that brings no real satisfaction.

Yes, I love it when my home smells clean and things shine and sparkle. But, I don’t want to miss out on fun moments with my daughter because I am constantly cleaning. Today, we were supposed to watch a movie, and I watched it. About 50 percent of it. The rest of the time I was tidying up because her friend was on her way over, which of course meant her friend’s mom would come in and chat. So I lit candles and wiped things down and put things away but missed that quality time with the best kid in the world.

Maybe the answer to what lies behind all of this perfection is that these moms I know make their kids clean it all! Yeah right. Or, they hire a secret housekeeper like Alice from the Brady Bunch, but she is hidden away in another room or only cleans late at night. Then, when I go visit friends that have multiple kids, the house is perfect and my friend isn’t disheveled because “Alice” the cleaning fairy swept in and saved the day? I need to hire an Alice. Perhaps when I have money to pay all of my bills without crunching numbers repeatedly that can happen. Since the powerball thing didn’t go as planned for me, I may have to wait on that. Until then, I guess I will take it one dust bunny at a time.

Do any of you guys have any cleaning secrets or tips to help an ex-cleaner like me?

simply~

Dee

So, are you still you when you travel???

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When I travel, which is nearly not enough and to not too many places, I don’t want to be just regular me. Not that my fashion sense isn’t good, because dressing well is part of who I am (most of the time), but I like to be different when I am somewhere else.

Even when I visit my hometown, I try different outfit combos that I don’t normally wear in D.C. Maybe I pull out my short boots and wear them with leggings and a knee length dress. Or wear a hat that I haven’t pulled out in years. When I travel to places besides home, I try to not look touristy, so I wear my normal black ensemble. It works really well in NYC:).

But besides clothing, I try to push the envelope. I try to be bolder in my choices. Maybe I will order the raw salmon appetizer that I would typically avoid. Or, I will go to an event or neighborhood that locals go to that may not actually be my cup of tea, but is different enough to not be me. I don’t want to go to Paris and just see the Eiffel Tower or just go to the top 10 places rated by Fodor’s. I want to go to a cafe that artists and poets go to. Or venture a few miles out of the city and go to a mom’s and pop’s patisserie.

Are you like that? Do you stay on the tour bus, or do you jump off and make your own tour? I am the kind of person that won’t buy the birthday package at a store or place, but take bits and pieces of activities at different places and make a party that is mine. You know, take the best parts of a situation or place and tailor it to fit me or my style.

Now don’t get me wrong, I won’t jump off a bus anywhere without a bit of research. I do have the kind of personality that thinks about crime and bad areas, etc. But, I look into it before an adventure, therefore not taking the fun out of being exciting and adventurous.

Darn! Now, I want to go on an awesome trip! Not just to see family or for a reason, but just because. Well, a girl can dream. And, make lists. And add some dollars to our Paris/Europe destination jar.:)

simply~

Dee

So, this is a random topic, but…

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Have any of you gotten a really cheap deal on a plane ticket ever? I feel like its urban legend or something. I am trying to book tickets for us to go to Vegas in the fall for a destination wedding and to see family. I am also trying to book tickets to go down south to visit family this spring. I have a few tax dollars coming and decided to spend them on these trips because it would be worth it, seeing family is always worth it (most of the time).

I found great sites that say they have flights for less than 100 dollars and when I input my dates, it is like 300 dollars. I don’t fly out on Fridays or come back on Mondays and I try to stay long enough for it to be cheaper. I even book on Wednesdays which is the cheapest day to buy. So, is it like one of those black Friday sales when tvs have been marked down from 1000 to 500 but there are only 2 that are in stock?

If you guys have any tips or know any more secrets, I am in! I am also accepting miles from anyone who has to many.:) It is exciting to think about traveling to special events to see amazing people, but times like this I wish I worked for an airline or either on someone’s flight privileges. Oh well, a girl can dream. Speaking of, I have got to get some shut eye. I may be productive in 2016, but I am not sleeping enough. Night!

simply~

Dee

So, I went to a party with a bunch of diplomats…

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The party was fun, but I quickly realized that diplomats are just regular people like me. The person that I went to the party for is a diplomat and he is dating my friend and he is cool. But, I had this expectation of hot single men with gorgeous accents. The party had cool accents, but I don’t think anyone there was single and I did not see anyone that I was drawn to. But I wonder if that is because I kind of have my radar off because my heart is all closed up?

I dream often of being in a relationship again and falling in love again, but then I think about my daughter and how I love her life and how I don’t want anyone to mess that up. I would love for her to have a stepfather that could step in and take the place of her father, but I am not willing to take the chance on my heart, heck both of our hearts. I think often that I can wait until she is closer to adulthood because I will still look young. But then I think that I could be missing out on someone great.

So, my prayer to God is for Him to only bring someone in to our lives if he would only bring positive things to us and add to our lives and not harm us in any way. So, perhaps that is why nothing has never transpired. I want to think and hope and believe that it will happen for me again one day. But then I think to myself, I don’t know if I can let go again for someone.

You know, open up and be vulnerable and talk in depth about my hopes and dreams. I am so happy for people that have these relationships, but when I think about being that way again with anyone I feel like it’s all so cheesy and all in vain. I have never had a successful relationship with a man, so it’s kind of like I feel like I suck at it so why should I keep trying?

To be honest, I have grown so much spiritually and mentally since my husband moved out 6 1/2 years ago. It was my decision for him to leave because I didn’t want a dysfunctional relationship for our then very little girl. It was the best choice for us because he was gone more than he was home and infidelity was the theme on his part. So, I feel like I would rather be alone than live like that again. So, we have.

I have been on dates over the last 6 years with maybe 5 men. One man I had a phone relationship with for probably 3 months because he was from my home state and we met through and old school friend. We met up a couple of times and the chemistry there but since I wasn’t legally divorced and was separated he wasn’t comfortable with any of it. He was everything that my husband wasn’t. He went to church, didn’t go to clubs or bars, he was working in a stable field. But, he was controlling and stuck in the 50’s!

Needless to say, with my personality and opinions, I was way too much for him. I felt like I had to be someone else when I was around him. Kind of like being at a cocktail party or at a party with diplomats.:) Funny thing is, I am super comfortable at a party with strangers because I will probably never see them again. I flash a smile, make witty comments, have champagne and try the appetizers. But opening up to a person romantically? Don’t know if I have it in me anymore. It’s like I have turned into an introverted extrovert.

I call myself a hopeless romantic. But perhaps I am just super duper hopeless when it comes to trusting my heart with someone  again? Well, at least the food and drinks were good at the party and the people were not half bad either. Romantic prospects for Dee (me)? Zilch. Zero. Nada. But maybe that is what made the party a success. No strings attached, especially not my heart strings…

simply~

Dee

 

So, I am sick of all of this pc crap. Are you???

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I am so sick of hearing how people are being left out of something or not getting something they deserve. This whole thing about black people not being nominated for an Academy Award this year, is grating on my nerves. Maybe the other people in the other roles were considered better actors. I mean some characters require so much more depth from actors and range than other roles do. And, I am not a fool, I know for decades there was so much discrimination in Hollywood. But, I honestly feel like we are getting past that. Not completely, but we as a nation have come a long way.

Before you think that I am intolerant, or not empathetic or perhaps a white elitist, stop. I married a guy a decade ago with 10 times the melanin that I have. 🙂 Therefore, my child is not fully white and has African, Indian (the country) and Portuguese roots from her dad’s side. And, I was raised in the south and had as many black friends as white. I actually got along better with black girls at my school because I was very bold and outspoken, which didn’t quite match up with my more submissive and proper southern fellow white girls.

I digress, I am not racist and I do care about people different from me. But I get sick of every situation being about offending or being unfair to some group, be it a gender or race or socioeconomic group. It’s tiring.

The latest thing that drives me crazy is the EEOC targeting business owners that could be discriminating against Muslims. This is literally setting up businesses to fail because some people will fabricate discrimination like the clock boy who purposely brought a clock he didn’t make, but staged to resemble a bomb on 9/11. But that was discrimination? A teacher in anther class told him to put it away, but he knew if he pushed the envelope he would get in trouble and be able to get attention worldwide. Or at least his father did.

Anyway, I just like common sense people who do not try to create reasons to protest and who are not overly litigious. Sometimes life isn’t fair. Sometimes people will treat you terribly and you may have done nothing at all to deserve it. Sometimes people bring things upon themselves (clock boy). And sometimes someone’s performance at work just doesn’t measure up to the work of others. It is just how it is.

I know discrimination exists and some people will give their all and may be judged on skin color or gender or sexual orientation and that isn’t right. We can all continue to do all that we can to stop those injustices. But everything that happens to a person of color or a woman or a person of a certain religion that doesn’t make them happy does not mean it is because of those traits. Sometimes it’s just how the cookie crumbles. It’s not fun to lose or miss out on a raise or to follow rules one may not agree with, but everyone is not entitled to everything. Point blank period…

simply~

Dee

So, I am doing a job from home…

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I am doing a job that I am not really trained for. It is insurance claims and billing and wow, it is confusing. But because I am doing the work for a family member who owns the practice, it is like he expects me to figure it out. I will have to say, there are some things that are easy to “figure out”, but insurance is not one of those things. I think the whole Obamacare deal made it even harder with all of the different rules and plans and stipulations.

I am grateful for the opportunity to work at home. It is one of the reasons I am awake right now because I just finished doing billing and checking on claims. But, I kind of hate it and I don’t have enough hours. I want for once to do something that I absolutely love. Can that happen for everyone, or do some of us just have to suck it up? People online post all of these motivational messages that it is up to the individual to make their dreams come true.

But, what if is not destiny for me to do something work wise that I love? I mean I love being a mom and I do that full time, so is that my blessing? Or, can I have both? I want to believe that I can and that I didn’t go to grad school in order to do a part time job for a therapy office I detest and to still tutor and care for kids 20 hours a week. I am totally grateful to have income. I swear!I thank God for blessings all of the time. But I would love to wake up excited about what I do. Motherhood is a job that I wish I could get paid for because I enjoy every second of it.

So, I don’t know if I should search for jobs more or pray more, or both. I don’t want to settle anymore. I have mastered the art of mediocrity over and over again. I am ready to master the art of excellence in something for once that makes me truly feel alive. Do any of you have the blessing of doing something that you go to bed late and wake up early for? If you do, please share and tell me how you got there. I am curious to know and truly happy for those that have found their passion and truly living it.

simply~

Dee

Link

So, I have been through a thing or two. We all have. I have lived it up, been down in the dumps, hanging out with the wrong people, looking for love in all the wrong places and been in head over heels love. Okay, enough with all of the cliche`s. After all of this time, I am finally learning how people and life work.

It’s like a light bulb that has refused to provide any light, has been dusted off and it is now a beacon in the night. I am learning the subtle politics of people and relationships. When I don’t need to say something, when it is imperative that I do, and when to remove myself from a situation or remove someone else from a situation without their realizing it.

In elementary until my early 30’s, I was the people pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me. I apologized, even when I thought people were actually the offenders. I went out of my way for folks. About a year ago, I finally had it. All of the boyfriends, my then husband and  best friends and family members over the year had taken me for granted one time too many!

So, now I am still kind and charming and giving, but on my own terms. I don’t invite everyone to the party. I don’t respond to everyone’s post on Facebook just to be friendly or engaging. I don’t even reach out to most of my friends anymore because I am tired of doing all of the reaching. A miraculous thing has happened. Old dependable Dee has become the one that calls back every 3rd call. I “get back” to people when I can because I am oh so busy now. I spend more time planning fun for my kid and her friends than for myself because I have decided grown ups suck!

I feel delightfully unattached to my friends. I am happy when I see them, but I am not withering away without them. I saw an old friend over the weekend and it was delightful. But it had been 6 months since we really visited. The same with a friend tomorrow. It has been 3 months since I have seen her, and we were in a group setting so I didn’t really have the time to spend with her. I am sure we will have a blast talking and having lunch tomorrow. But she is about to have her 4th kid, so after tomorrow it is “see ya later sweetheart” because her life will be crazy, and my life is just fun and unencumbered.

I really don’t mean to sound cold, I am just for once in my life putting myself somewhere in the top 5. I have always given my all to my kid, my mom, my husband (past), friends, boyfriends, pets, etc. As I mentioned in another recent post, God and my kid and mom will always be at the top. But no one else will be near there except for me. I am determined to spend as much time and energy on myself as I have on all of these other people. I am pretty sure that the results will be amazing when I do!

Reading is now a priority and I just got TD Jakes book called Instinct //ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=qf_sp_asin_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=httpssimplyde-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=1455554057&asins=1455554057&linkId=3BA243EEQRWSZARA&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true.

The reviews it received are excellent and I am so fond of a book he wrote called Maximize the Moment,I know I have mentioned that one before, so you know how I feel about Mr. Jakes! Books by this awesome man of God tell you to get your priorities straight and not let anything hold you back from the life you were meant to live. But what I love about Jakes, is he does not mince words. He is extremely upfront and real, so this is the perfect book to read since I am working on me. A better me, will not only bless me, but will bless my daughter and all of my relationships with the people in my life whom I am close to. My circle is small, but there are some good people in there. I suggest you all do for yourselves whatever makes your heart happy. Don’t be a jerk and turn your back on people, but just love yourself first. There is nothing wrong with taking care of you.

Have a blessed and happy Wednesday!!

simply~

Dee