So, I have been through a thing or two. We all have. I have lived it up, been down in the dumps, hanging out with the wrong people, looking for love in all the wrong places and been in head over heels love. Okay, enough with all of the cliche`s. After all of this time, I am finally learning how people and life work.
It’s like a light bulb that has refused to provide any light, has been dusted off and it is now a beacon in the night. I am learning the subtle politics of people and relationships. When I don’t need to say something, when it is imperative that I do, and when to remove myself from a situation or remove someone else from a situation without their realizing it.
In elementary until my early 30’s, I was the people pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me. I apologized, even when I thought people were actually the offenders. I went out of my way for folks. About a year ago, I finally had it. All of the boyfriends, my then husband and best friends and family members over the year had taken me for granted one time too many!
So, now I am still kind and charming and giving, but on my own terms. I don’t invite everyone to the party. I don’t respond to everyone’s post on Facebook just to be friendly or engaging. I don’t even reach out to most of my friends anymore because I am tired of doing all of the reaching. A miraculous thing has happened. Old dependable Dee has become the one that calls back every 3rd call. I “get back” to people when I can because I am oh so busy now. I spend more time planning fun for my kid and her friends than for myself because I have decided grown ups suck!
I feel delightfully unattached to my friends. I am happy when I see them, but I am not withering away without them. I saw an old friend over the weekend and it was delightful. But it had been 6 months since we really visited. The same with a friend tomorrow. It has been 3 months since I have seen her, and we were in a group setting so I didn’t really have the time to spend with her. I am sure we will have a blast talking and having lunch tomorrow. But she is about to have her 4th kid, so after tomorrow it is “see ya later sweetheart” because her life will be crazy, and my life is just fun and unencumbered.
I really don’t mean to sound cold, I am just for once in my life putting myself somewhere in the top 5. I have always given my all to my kid, my mom, my husband (past), friends, boyfriends, pets, etc. As I mentioned in another recent post, God and my kid and mom will always be at the top. But no one else will be near there except for me. I am determined to spend as much time and energy on myself as I have on all of these other people. I am pretty sure that the results will be amazing when I do!
Reading is now a priority and I just got TD Jakes book called Instinct //ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=qf_sp_asin_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=httpssimplyde-20&marketplace=amazon®ion=US&placement=1455554057&asins=1455554057&linkId=3BA243EEQRWSZARA&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true.
The reviews it received are excellent and I am so fond of a book he wrote called Maximize the Moment,I know I have mentioned that one before, so you know how I feel about Mr. Jakes! Books by this awesome man of God tell you to get your priorities straight and not let anything hold you back from the life you were meant to live. But what I love about Jakes, is he does not mince words. He is extremely upfront and real, so this is the perfect book to read since I am working on me. A better me, will not only bless me, but will bless my daughter and all of my relationships with the people in my life whom I am close to. My circle is small, but there are some good people in there. I suggest you all do for yourselves whatever makes your heart happy. Don’t be a jerk and turn your back on people, but just love yourself first. There is nothing wrong with taking care of you.
Have a blessed and happy Wednesday!!