So, the whole life’s purpose question. What are we as humans doing here? What are we supposed to accomplish during our wonderful but (seemingly) short time on earth? More importantly, I think at least, what is our purpose individually? Do you know yours? I know one thing, I am here to set a better example for my daughter so that she has every opportunity that she desires within reach. But my purpose besides being her mom? I am totally unable to answer that, at least fully.

I still don’t know who I am completely. It’s kind of sad because I am now in my fourth decade and feel like I don’t know exactly what I am doing a lot of the time. I do know that I want to love and be loved. But I am supposed to have this mission designed by God to do this specific special thing, something I was destined for that can help others. Right? Aren’t we all here to serve a purpose to impact the greater good? I know that giving and nurturing is a large part of who I am. But how far does it extend for me to be living a life with purpose?

So I am asking oodles of questions that I know are nearly impossible to answer. I guess that this post is more of a wondering more than a profound statement about mankind or about some great quest. I am writing these thoughts as I prepare for bed because I tend to be the most pensive when all is quiet in the house and when my brain should be slowing down. It’s like my body is crying to lie down under the covers and my mind is amping up for another few hours.

I have so much on my mind all of the time and a lot of it is my feelings of inadequacy. I feel like I am lacking in a number of ways: as a mother because I have had to tell my kid one too many times that we don’t have money to do x, y or z , as a daughter because I have had to lean on my mon too much, I don’t have a career that allows me to use my skills and education or pays enough, as a mate because I feel that ML lifts me up on the regular and I don’t want to be that girl who needs help a lot. Even though I am strong and try hard in so many areas of my life, I don’t feel like I am enough at times.

I don’t know if it is lack of confidence or just that I am tired of not coming out on top of a situation. No matter how positive I try to be, this little voice reminds me of my struggles. Thank God I wasn’t born in a war-torn country or that I have not experienced poverty and was raised in a safe household. I have had a decent life. There is no disputing that. I work hard to teach my daughter things I did not know and try to give her good opportunities. But I want to do something great and make my loved ones proud, really just win. Don’t we all? But where do we start?

As ML says “you are more than a conqueror.” You out there in blog land are too! We can all fight the good fight and we can all persevere, no matter how many times we fall or fail. Falling less is the goal. So what is the solution? That remains to be seen. Keeping a smile, never giving up and forging ahead when we don’t believe in ourselves and many other sickening clichés seem like the logical place to start. If I can come up with something better, I will let you know;) Please let me know what works for you, my notebook is ready…

~simply

Dee