So, I am NOT a needy female. I have lived on my own since I was early 20s. I would go through dry spells with men and be celibate on and off until I got married and had a kid. I was content alone. My goal was to one day have a life partner and though I would go through times with a boyfriend or times completely alone, I was okay either way. I of course felt like I wanted to be with someone during the holidays or at a wedding or special event. But for the most part, though my life was not exciting and at times quite mediocre, I was quite okay with me.
Six weeks after having my child I realized that having a baby was the single most important thing that had ever happened to me. I didn’t strive to reach my potential in writing or in business or in anything. But once I had her, my goal was to make sure that she did. She is successful in every sense of the word. It’s odd because I am so much better at helping other people succeed and be the best version of themselves rather than being the best that I can. My kid is a 100 average student, phenomenal actor, state choir level singer, and self- taught musician. I’m the kind of person that is an ideas person, and I love for people to do well and see their dreams come to fruition, but haven’t focused on mine so much.
Long story short, I have lived my life in mediocrity outside of my fab child. I have not earned what I should have. I have had relationships that were not fulfilling. I am grateful for every breath I take, particularly since I have a beautiful girl depending on me. But since I met my guy, I ponder life’s greater meaning on the regular. I wake up in the middle of the night and just can’t imagine how much greater life will be when he is with us everyday instead of just every weekend. I feel like everyday is spring and like everything makes sense. It’s like all of the crappy men were (almost) worth dealing with because he appreciates me so, so much.
All of the cliches and cheesy scenes from movies and plays and tv shows are constantly on replay in my present state. Sitting in traffic is now bearable, haha, that is a stretch. But the point is, I am truly happy. I am trying not live in fear or doubt and instead embrace every single moment of its sweetness. I have had repeated anxiety which is not the norm for me, but it is because for the first time I am at ease and content. I feel like one of the lucky ones. I am the girl that someone can’t live without. I’m the girl that someone constantly thinks of. I am the one whom a fabulous man considers blessed to be with.
I’m not desperate for love. I am not hungry for validation. But reciprocity and mutual respect and admiration feels pretty darn good right about now. It’s not average love. It’s not wasting my time in a relationship to not be alone. It’s amazing and beautiful and perfect. And I am the one being supported in my dreams. I pray that each of you receive this type of love one day, even if you think you’re okay without it…