So, I have been a single mom for almost 9 years and before the ex-hubby was booted out, there was no real marriage. He was an adulterer, not mature, extremely selfish. So you can imagine that the ongoing behavior translated into not so good parenting and the whole absentee father mode. During these years, 99 percent of my friends have been taken care of by their kind and supportive spouses and haven’t had many worries at all.
I have seen these people get new cars, move into new homes and go on more vacations than I can recall. They have spoken about what dress to wear to the Kennedy Center special event or what color to paint a dining room or how much prep it would take for a family of 5 to go on a safari. Basically worry free existences with frivolous concerns and tasks to complete.
Meanwhile, I am still in the same apartment, with an occasional trip down south to see family or a quick visit to NYC or Disney World every few years. I have longed to not worry about bills and instead focus on what to wear to the beach. I would take a trip to the beach seven hours round-trip or just stay one night so that my kiddo could have fun. I would need a change of scenery desperately and the trips that we took were not completely fulfilling, but I was doing the best that I could on my budget.
But let me say this; Of course I used to see their fine houses and amicable marriages and awesome pictures and wish it could have been me. But I was happy for them. For my friends who were good people, parents and wives, I truly would celebrate with them. But as a human, I was a bit jealous or envious. It was hard not to be. But I was never bitter about it.
Now I have a partner. We just came back from Italy and next, France in 7 months. I finally am beginning to feel normal. I am a part of a real relationship and a team. I always had my daughter and we have always been a duo, but an adult pair is different. As silly as it sounds, I feel complete! I am even more happy than I already was. I feel less inclined to care what other people think. I have my tribe at home, well we aren’t married yet, but you get the point.
I wrote this post today because we have been trying to do brunches with couples that I know or just some friends I want ML to be acquainted with. The first invite my friend cancelled the night before. This time, no response, we were to meet her for happy hour around this time last year and while we were waiting for her she said she was still working and would join us and she never did. There was another time she was supposed to meet up and never committed to it fully .
My only conclusion is she isn’t happy for me. We are friends on social media and she talks about us getting together all the time. Because my guy lives in another state, I can only see him on the weekends. And during the week I work and I am with my daughter in the evenings. And the free time that we have on the weekend we’re running my daughter places and while she’s at rehearsals and practices we try to have alone time. Which is totally understandable.
This is why I try to pre-plan things so I can see several friends at once. I emailed everyone last night and said if they wish to be removed from the invite list, no hard feelings, text me or email me so I will know. I then said that these events were designed for us to take time out to try new cuisine’s and meet up with different people to have good conversation . And I said that if they would prefer to do something outside of the group setting I’m OK with that . I heard from three people that they wished to be in on the list and once again no response from her.
And she is one of those people who always posts positivity and love and light, blah blah blah. I don’t really count this is a resolution but in 2018 and going forward I’m not gonna b.s. with people, wasting time trying to figure them out. No more people pleasing. Life is too short! I wish I would’ve learned all of this when I was my daughter’s age. I’m changing the way I deal with people and situations. It took me forever but I’m there. I guess the old adage isn’t true, because apparently an old dog can learn new tricks 🙂