So have you noticed in your plethora of friends and acquaintances over the years that good-looking people who are slackers are never really called out for their faults? For instance, if someone is overweight or not particularly attractive, people are quick to let them know, if not in words then in actions.
I went to school with a girl I will call Sasha. Her dad was unknown to everyone in town and she told us that she lived in Europe at one point and she hadn’t a different look. She was white, but looked exotic. Years later we found out she was part Cuban and black, I digress. She was nice to look at, therefore people let her lack of commitment to things or reliability slide.
I liked her. But I wasn’t enamored with her like my friend Scott was. He was from NYC and was flamboyant I was from a small southern town. And I was pretty cool and cute, fashion forward and definitely not a typical southerner. So he and I were a great match as friends from day one. When she came along he was stuck to her like glue. The fact that they both smoked at age 13 and maybe more than cigarettes was another commonality. But once again, her interesting features and beautiful complexion made the fact that she was a pot head (80s term) not so big of a deal.
She was the kind of girl who showed up late, forgot to cancel, stood guys up and got away with it. She was bohemian and chill and cool. If she were someone else they would have called her lazy, an underachiever or undependable. I am not writing this as a jealous person. I was pretty in school. Self conscious that I wasn’t a 4 like my friends but I was definitely not the fat girl or without suitors. I just didn’t have the confidence of the chic and mysterious Sasha. I was cute and stylish. She was hot and edgy. I had tons of friends and she was well-known just because of aesthetics. Sasha was in average classes and did no school clubs or activities.
Then there was a girl called Virginia. She was the fat girl. Not much over 5 feet tall and pushing 200. She had a decent face but far from proportionate. She hung around smart and nerdy people. We were both in advanced classes and though she wasn’t naturally smart, she tried hard because she was no looker according to most. She went out of her way to please others, especially people that were popular or who had that potential. She looked sloppy without trying to be because of her size and people considered her lazy. Virginia played an instrument, she had school spirit and was in school clubs. But Virginia was only well known because of her family who did public service work, but no one had her at the top of their list to invite to their party.
See the differences?? It is a huge societal issue where the bimbos or ‘model chicks’ are praised and a normal looking woman is chastised if she is not unrealistically thin. Of course there are some heavy people who are lazy and don’t want to do anything that they don’t have to. And there are some thin people who don’t get whatever they want because they or don’t use their looks to get things. But I wrote this to spread awareness or to just make a point about how superficial our society is and that there truly is more to a person than meets the eyes.
So whether you’re on the hot side, not so hot side or somewhere in between, don’t assume that another person not like you is a certain way based on societal mores or expectations. You can miss out on good people in your life by judging before knowing. Trust me, it is easy to have these preconceived notions. I definitely need to work on my perception of certain people as well . Though I do find good reads by choosing beautifully pleasing looking covers, I have been so pleasantly surprised when giving the ordinary a chance…