I really have not had a best friend in a long, long time. I kinda thought I did a few times. But I haven’t had that giddy feeling of waiting to call someone to tell them about something amazing/depressing/frustrating outside of a romantic partner, in years. I miss having that one woman who could relate to my period woes, men probs,issues with catty chicks, diet issues, work drama, etc. Sometimes I feel like I am literally the only adult woman that I know that doesn’t have a super close circle of buds or a bestie. But, is that a bad thing?
I mean, it is typical for me to call someone a bestie when we take a pic at an event and post it on social media. But, truth be told, outside of my mom and my daughter I really don’t talk with my friends on a regular basis. Social media has changed my friendships. But so has motherhoood, proximity to loved ones, schedules, and honestly my lack of desire to go out of my way for people anymore.
I used to bend over backwards and then forwards and then backwards again. Like with my so-called best friend out west, she will literally not return my call for 2 months. She sends myself and my baby girl gifts for occasions, I do the same for my friend and her daughter (my God daughter)but they call us when they feel like it. Then they contact us like crazy. But when we want to talk, it is curtains! If I don’t call them back, they will call me 9 times. It’s more of that ‘Dee will always be around rhetoric’. So, I have kind of given up on depending on people to fulfill any of my needs.
I mean don’t get me wrong, I am going tubing with a woman and her kids tomorrow with my kiddo. But she is not a bestie, or even a confidant. We connect because of our kids. But she has no clue about my hopes, dreams, desires. Most of the people that I talk to or deal with do not have a clue. People from back in the day do, and a couple of people that I used to be really close to when our kids were babies and when play dates were plentiful. But that closeness has fallen by the wayside.
Is it typical to go through stages like this in life? I would love to hang out with or talk to friends more, but I am tired of making the effort. I also don’t get invited to a lot of events because I no longer have a spouse. I am blacklisted in a way I guess. I also have to work, which many of the women around here that I know have no concept of that word. They have stayed home since they got married and never worry about their bank account balance or whether they can afford to eat out again this week. I stay home too, but a work/stay at home mom is a whole different ball game.
I’m basically saying, I miss the connections but don’t want to carry the brunt of communication or put the work in that I have had to put in with some people. I don’t want any relationship, with a man or a friend, that feels like work. I know that relationships do require effort, but I don’t want to feel like it is a challenge. I just want to have fun with people and share my life with them. The good, the bad, the ugly and in between. Perhaps the only best friends that I need or have time for right now are my mom and my daughter. I do need to see my friends more than a few times a year, that is a fact. But it seems that I am the kind of person that can balance more than one thing well, but once it gets past a few priorities, I feel swamped.
I do long for the Sex and the City kind of flow though. I wonder if when my kid grows up in 6 or 7 years if I will be too old to rock a pair of Stiletto Manolo’s with the gals. Well, I know that I will probably have more time, not so sure about the energy though.:)
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2 thoughts on “So, I was wondering if it is normal to not have a best friend?”
This is actually very similar to something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. The question going through my head has been – do adults actually need best friends? I mean, I have friends and I talk to them at different times and I talk to them about different things (depending on their interests or the common bonds we have), but why would I choose one of them to be a best friend? Why would that even matter? It’s not like I’m going to rank them in order and then only hang out with my first choice… or it’s not like my mom is going to only let me have one friend over to spend the night or go with us to the park (since I’m an adult, I can invite as many people as I want to come over or go with me somewhere)… so why should I pick a favorite?
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Exactly. I guess I sometimes wish I had that friend to talk to everyday. I have my mom and kiddo that I talk to everyday, but it’s obviously different than having conversations with a peer. I talk to people too at different stages and for different reasons or events, but I think sometimes tv shows and media make it seem like every one has one!:)