Monthly Archives: September 2015

So, sometimes writing for writing’s sake is enough…

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Sometimes I don’t want to blog. I want to, but I feel that I have nothing significant to share, or the post may not be insightful to someone or it may not touch someone. Sometimes I read a blog later and think: Wow, that was some good writing and other times I wonder why I had the nerve to put that out there so that others could read it because it was mere drivel.

But what I have realized as someone has been writing in journals and diaries and notebooks since 4th grade that just plain old writing on a regular basis, just to get words down and out of my mind is what is important. It’s almost like I am Dumbledore and I need to release the information so that I can clear my brain and make room for more thoughts. Or, that the more that I get in the habit of writing, the more that it will become more of my daily life and the better my writing will get.

I have always wanted to write in some capacity. Be it as part of a job description an online magazine, back in the day for a newspaper, or even technical writing. The fact that I can write well is the reason that I made A’s in my Master’s program. Sometimes, I would be behind on my reading, but could still find a way to bs my way through an assignment because I could put pen to paper with no issue.

But, I haven’t truly pursued my dream as I had hoped to before becoming a mom. At one time, I was all about getting a poetry book published and still remember the name. I still have the children’s book in my head and wish I would have jumped on it back in 2006 because it would have really been relevant then and could still work now.

So, even though I have put those things on a very long back burner, blogging and even writing privately in my comfy chair into a writing prompt book is still writing. Hopefully, I will get the courage and make the time to try again to be published as I did in the early 2000’s. But until then, I will be thankful for the gift of WordPress and for the blessing of having people read my good, mediocre and even sometimes not blog worthy writing.

Have a good night and keep on writing!

Simply~

Dee

So, home schooling is a challenge, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world…

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Many people have opinions about home schooling that are less than, hmmmm, kind. My answer: It is none of their freaking business. I know my kid best. There are so many reasons that people do it nowadays, and again-it’s none of their freaking business. I sent my kid to a Christian school for kindergarten and she was chastised the whole year by her teacher. I didn’t learn how much so until after it was over, and I still hear about it years later.

My daughter’s problem, or actually it is not a problem, she is very intelligent. Not just book smarts either. She has “street smarts” or “common sense” to balance her smarts. She is good at cooking and building things and art and science, one of those people who is equally left and right-brained.  Some teachers do not value kids that are grade levels ahead, it is too much of a challenge. Since the private school would not work with her need for more work and public schools don’t offer many options, we did an online public school.

This way, she has standardized tests on file, school records that show what her grades are, etc. Basically, for me the structure and accountability are huge factors for why we home school this way. Some home school families even look down on us because they say: “Well if you are not sending your child to public school then why are you doing online public school?” Again, because of the aforementioned reasons. I also like the teacher support, online clubs and classes and field trips.

I am talking about all of this to say that we have one life to live and it is ours. We have our families, our reasons for doing things, choices and paths we have taken, and different ways of viewing things. For me, home schooling allows me to be in control of what she focuses on while doing the necessary work, in a stable and solid learning environment. I can brush over the basic ideals about Greek Gods, but will not waste a month on it. On the other hand, we can spend much more time on American History and do local field trips since D.C. is footsteps away.

I just wish that people would “do them”, and not feel that their way is the only way. I mean when it comes to “Do unto others” or other God’s commandments, of course we should do things God’s way. But when it comes to the way that we live our lives that in no way affects or hurts others, people need to basically keep their mouths shut. I don’t judge those who don’t home school and are wealthy stay at  home moms (I know many), so I don’t need to hear one more convo about how she needs to be around kids her age.

She acts, she sings, she dances, she takes art classes, she is in scouting, she bowls, she plays an instrument. I think she’s good. And, when she goes into the workplace, it is highly unlikely she will work in an environment where everyone that she works with and deals with is 22 years old. So, having friends of all ages and all walks of life is actually very valuable. I guess this post today is half explaining why we home school, half defending it, and complaining about those that have something to say about it.

I will step off of my soapbox now, and get back to my daughter’s Language Arts class. We just took a late lunch break and watched an American Girl craft video, one of the many reasons that I would not trade working from home and teaching from home. We go at our own pace and enjoy each other. Though there are good days and bad days with home learning, seeing my daughter learn in the way that she does best and spending the day with her is worth it all.

I hope that you all have a beautiful day and enjoy the life that you are blessed with in the way that makes you happy.

Simply~

Dee

So, all of my fave tv shows came back on this week…

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But, I can’t get my journal from 12 years ago out of my head. Last night my daughter had a friend over, and we were doing karaoke and I was reading some of my poetry to them, and they were performing. Super fun. But I found a journal with my poems and I realized that 11/12 years ago, I was hoping and wishing for the same things.

I wanted to lose weight, I wanted a good man, I wanted a good paying job. My question is, why am I still struggling with them same things? Is it me? Do I not feel worthy, so it spills forward to all areas of my life, so old issues are still underlying?

I have obviously have been married and separated since then, I have a kid and have moved to another state and have made some all around cool and life changing moves in my life. But those big 3: weight, man and money are still a problem. I know that everyone has a cross to bear, but am I supposed to have 3?

I work so hard on my weight, but because of thyroid problems and another medical issue, I feel like a hamster on a wheel with it. Also, I have left a guy that was not true to the marriage, so that is understandable, but still-man issues. I have still not had a fabulous job, and most of it is because I have worked from home for the last decade plus so I could be with my kid. But I have tried to make money and start businesses and I still feel financially stagnant.

I wonder if I am my own worst enemy. I feel like I am self-sabotaging and do not know how to feel better about myself, or to trust that I am as good as others say that I am. My confidence is a lot better than it was in the past.

I have been on dates over the last year, and never went on a second date because I can’t and won’t settle so that is great. I workout regularly and do clean eating 99.9 percent of the time, so I am making strides there, or at least trying. The job thing is one of the biggest problems I have. I am educated enough, but lack work experience, or just don’t feel I can completely measure up to do so many of the jobs I apply for. So, maybe I need to work on that the most.

As I watched shows tonight, I really enjoyed them, but couldn’t get my story out of my head. I feel that I have come so far in many ways, and I have a colorful and fun life in so many ways. But other ways, I feel like the younger woman from 12 years ago who was trying to choose between Chicago, DC or NYC and proclaiming that I would have a love soon, and a new address. That happened, but not in the way I would wish.

I am writing my story still, as we all are, but I am trying to figure out how to make sure the chapters include events that lift me up and allow me to live the life I have always dreamt of. I am going to start journaling again and claiming to God and praying that there can be a real change in my life that will not only benefit myself, but my daughter as well.

They say prayer works, so we’ll see! I plan to not only take time to weigh my food and workout-that’s on lock. But I want to seek God in all that I do because apparently after years and years of doing the same thing, I am not doing a good job of handling things myself. One thing that I can say in my life that has surpassed my dreams, is the gift of my child. I would gladly go through all of the drama in my life to have her.

In the end, I feel blessed. I know I have it better than many. I just want to live my life in the way I envisioned, and since my dreams are not super grandiose, I don’t think that is too much to ask.

God Bless you all and Good Night!!

~Simply,

Dee

So, today was great. My daughter made the best…

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My kiddo made the best flourless cake heart-shaped brownies. EVER. I ate 3 for breakfast.:) I feel like I deserve after 5 months of clean eating and very FEW cheats. Then we had an awesome time at church, great lunch with a giftcard at our fave eatery in our ‘hood. Then we went apple picking, found a charming bakery on the way back by accident and they let my daughter help them make bread! It was so impressive and kind and sweet. It was one of those classy small towns that you see in movies.

I just finished eating the rest of my lunch and another cake brownie and I am super tired, super happy and super surprised and humbled by all of the people that sent me gifts and texts and calls and posts regarding my birthday. As I have mentioned in other posts, I don’t feel like I have many friends sometimes, or a “crew”. The truth of the matter is, I have a heck of a lot of loved ones, but they come in the form of people that I would never expect, or that I rarely talk to or see, but they are there.

When I get to a ripe old age in around 50 years from now, I will be able to smile at birthdays past because I have been treated special. I always am, every year, and it is a subtle/needed reminder that I count and I am loved and I am worthy. I need to remember that all of the time without hearing it from 50 people. So as I put my tiara away until I celebrate again tomorrow night (:, I can rest knowing that I rule, at least for a week every year in September. If only we could see ourselves as God sees us. We would then see that we “rule” every day because we are all “fearfully and wonderfully made”.

Simply and Humbly~

Dee

So, have you ever heard the phrase: The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away?

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I am a total sucker for the beauty of the Olde English language, but that statement is both powerful and reassuring and scary. When I was standing in front of the ocean yesterday, I started pondering life in a big way, as I often do when I go to the beach. The enormity and vastness of the sea always puts me in a spiritual and pensive mode. I wish I could be an air head just trying to catch some rays, but I always go deep-in thoughts, not the water.:)

Then for some reason I thought: The ocean restoreth and the ocean taketh away. It instantly reminded me of how powerful yet beautiful the ocean is and as much as I love it, I fear it. It is similar to the way I feel about God. I worship and uplift Him, but I fear Him all the same. It’s amazing that something so mesmerizing and calming could also sweep someone away to never be seen again. It made me realize how small I am in the vastness of the world. My little life and even smaller problems are like one grain of sand on one beach and there are thousands of beaches and infinite grains of sand.

I really as of late have thought about what I do have that I value and my life is small in comparison to what I view on other people’s “social media” lives or to their circle of acquaintances. But as much as I love my life and long for a “larger” life, I really like the uniqueness and “weeness” of my life experience. I enjoy the adventures with my daughter and seeing my mom 4 or 5 times a year for a week at a time. I enjoy talking to my mom daily on the phone and not to many other people. Though when it comes down to my birthday or holidays, I see and talk to quite a lot of people, my daily life as with many people has come to communicating pretty much through technology. No wonder so many people are so lonely. They have thousands of friends on social media and maybe 3 people they could actually call on.

Not tooting my own horn, but on my FB and IG, I have around 100 on each and I like it because I feel that the people there are people that care. Or I have a real connection with them and I could probably call on 25 or 30 of them in a time of need because they are more than just a number. Many are family and church members and childhood friends. Some are local people that I have known for a decade or a half a decade and I get together with them a few times a year.

My whole point in all of this is to say that having relationships that are meaningful really makes a difference. I do not win an award for the most followers on any of my networks, nor do I have a gaggle of cards in the mail for my birthday. But I do have a good number of people that think of me and celebrate me and love me and that is all I can ask for. Some of these people may not be what I would consider friends that I would want to be with all of the time because I do tend to attract a quirky bunch. But I am honestly glad that I have them and that they put up with me. Over the years people have been removed from life, I feel by God because I have prayed for people to leave my life that are a strain on me. But along the same vein, some of the people that I lost touch with have become some of my greatest friends/allies/family and I am so grateful to have those relationships are restored.

Things are taken and things are given and I think that if we respect the process and understand that some events happen for reasons that we will never understand that we can live our lives in peace. This is why I pray for peace and pray for goodness and pray for safety because just as there are angels watching over us ready to protect and save, there are other forces just as eager to have a hand in our undoing.

Man oh man I have become quite the serious one in my “not so old age”, but don’t worry, I am celebrating life enough over the next week that fun will balance all of this density out.:) Have a great rest of the weekend and a beautiful upcoming week. No matter if it is a day that you are celebrating or a milestone, or even a heartbreak, there is a lesson to be learned and the fact that you are here and alive and able to experience it is a miracle in itself. And if you have someone you love whom you have not reached out to lately, do it today. A few words or a kind gesture will mean more than you can imagine.

Simply~

Dee

So, I may turn a year older this week, but maybe not a year wiser???????

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I was in the grocery store with my daughter tonight, getting some things to take to the beach tomorrow. We will be back Saturday, but that day is full because she has a class, we are going to a polo match and were supposed to go apple picking. I brought up the fact that we were shopping and what would she need for my cake. She said: “Oh, we will get it later.” Then I got pissed and said: “Later? My bday is this weekend, I will just make my own cupcakes” (there is a mix we had at home that I have really wanted to make)

Then the convo went on and I went on to say that I go overboard for her party and then family day on her real bday every year and that I make a big deal about everyone and I get sick of her waiting ’til the last minute. I really do though. She is not the planner that I am most of the time. It ended in tears and she told me that I was so important to her. I think what pushed me over the edge in the earlier convo is when she said that didn’t have time to look for the recipe. After her school work today and our walk, she had 3 hours of “chill time”. She was watching a movie, while looking up recipes and diy projects.

But, when it comes to me, she doesn’t have time. I really made a big deal of it for the 3 or 4 minutes that we talked about it. But then I apologized when I thought about that she is a child, with other thoughts and no job and no chance to run to the store to get the ingredients. I told her that she meant the world to me and I didn’t mean to be a brat. I went on to say that adults can sometimes have tantrums and fits and act bratty. I owned it and told her that I never meant to hurt her.

Later, I told her that it was my issue with other people and that we could cut out a Saturday event so she would have time to bake. She is a very mature and dear person, and I honestly forget her age so much of the time. So, when she doesn’t act 15, I sometimes fly off of the handle. It’s stupid and immature and not very wise to do. But I am human and I screw up and take out things on my daughter or my mom. I have to remember that she is my child first and friend second. Just like my mother is my mom first and my friend 2nd.

The whole deal is that I obviously don’t feel loved or celebrated or special enough and I acted on that behavior in a childish way. I think the whole “girlfriend gang” that Taylor Swift has and one of my friend’s has a group of friends that are all unmarried with no kids, so they can travel everywhere. Then there’s me. I have a smattering of friends here and there. Most are tied down with kids. Getting through the week between schedules and activities is all that most of them are thinking of.

The moral of the story: My issues are just that. They are mine. I am going to make a wish on my bday cake or cupcake or whatever it ends up being that I will try even more than I already do to think before I speak. Words sting worse than a slap on the face and for longer, and can really do damage. I am not abusive or mean or degrading, but I think that all of us can ponder a bit longer before speaking. I have always had that issue-letting emotions rule over thinking.

On that note, I think I will try to get shut eye. Fiveish in the morning is wayyyyyyyy too early for a night owl like me. Good night, God Bless, and please don’t judge me too harshly for my bratty/divaesque/childish outburst tonight. I am a Virgo, we do have a flair for the drama…

(Side note: I’m blessed. I have a beautiful and talented daughter, a great relationship with my mom, jobs, a cute place, I live in one of the most awesome cities in the U.S. I don’t have “Sex and the City” besties, but I can’t have it all I guess!)

Simply~

Dee

courtesy of our name is blog

courtesy of our name is blog

So, I apologize to you all and to myself for not writing for so long…

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To be honest, we enjoyed the last almost 3 weeks of the pool, every single day. We went on walks and for ice cream and stayed up late watching movies and I read 3 novels in one week and I have caught up on my Real Simple. I love writing, I truly do, but I have been thinking and praying and figuring things out. My fabulous kid go cast in another major DC play, so that schedule starts next week to prepare for December shows. She started 3 more of her activities last week too, and we are doing home schooling again and exercising everyday, so there have been plenty of reasons why I have been incognito!

What have you all been up to? Did you enjoy the rest of the summer? Do you have a fab tan to boast about (like I do?)? Did you squeeze every last minute out of August that you could before succumbing to and getting into the swing of September?

For me, the late Labor Day really put us behind! My bday is soon, I am not financially prepared for the beach trip I wanted to take and all of the other things I want to do for it, so we are going for the day. It is 3 hours to the beach with DC traffic, but we are leaving at 530 am and hope to make the drive in just 2. I can’t wait for this weekend because I have 3 days of bday fun planned with my kid.

Last year, I went to different dinners and lunches with friends, but this year I am doing winery tours a few weeks after my bday. It feels kind of weird that I won’t be seeing friends this week, but next month it will be a celebration again. I chose that time because my kiddo will have an activity overnight then that will afford me the chance to do the limo ride with friends and go to dinner after and not have all the guilt.:)

I really do miss writing and I really miss reading some of your blogs. I have just had to work on a few things that were outside of the creative, for a few weeks. You know, get my household together. I got rid of some small swimsuits and have donated clothing that my kid will not be able to wear next summer. I am still going through clothes as we speak, to fit all of the new fall clothing in the closet that my mom sent.

Oh! I forgot to mention that I got my first record player that I have had in 2 decades! So super stoked. It is a bluetooth/cd/radio/record player. I had to pull out my old Thriller album from my childhood. I was shocked it did not have one scratch at all! Anyway, been rearranging our place, discarding things, organizing school stuff and now I am ready to “do me”-aka write and sing. I started back in choir last week too.

Many, many changes! Tell me what you all have been up to! I am blogging again. Yayyyyy! Happy, Happy Fall to all! I am getting back to basics. Insurance work, home schooling, activities and I love it all! Except work:)

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