Tag Archives: love before material things

Writing, Pedicure, Fancy lunch out-A perfect day for me and my little Valetine

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I’m not the kind of woman who gets pedicures or haircuts on a regular basis. I probably get pedis done 2/3 times a year-max. I get my hair cut maybe once or twice a year. I dress nice and wear cute accessories, but wear little makeup. I am low maintenance in a material or superficial sense.

But,for the things that matter the most, I am super high maintenance. I expect for birthdays and holidays to be big. Not just for me, but for whomever is in my immediate family or circle. I like to be told that I matter. I want to be appreciated. I want to be able to tell that who I am means a lot to who I deal with, because I give all of my heart to my family and friends. I don’t want to be recognized, I just don’t want to be taken for granted.

Those things make me high maintenance. Even though we ate at Capital Grille today and I got my daughter an American Girl item at the mall and we got spa treatments,those things are nice a few times a year, but just are not as important to me as they are to others.

I carry an old Michael Kors purse that my friend gave me when she was cleaning out her closet. The wristlet/wallet inside of it was a gift from another friend. I am wearing Uggs that are 3 years old and a dress and scarf that are probably the same age.

My point is, that I have realized that I am more of a romantic and idealist when it comes to matters of the heart rather than what a man spends on me. One of my best Valentine’s ever is one where my boyfriend and I went to a town about an hour and a half away and he had pre-planned all of these surprise for me throughout the downtown area. Every place we stopped, there would be rose petals on the steps, or a sign and a stuffed animal in a jewelry case, or a heart charm. None of those items were major status symbols. They were probably not coveted by anyone that I knew, but there was thought behind them.

I am not tooting my own horn, and I am not saying that I would not accept a Cartier lock necklace because that would be a lie. I just wish that more people cared about the way in which they were treated or how much their loved one helped them in different areas of their life, than what their relationship appeared to others.

That guy that did all of those sweet things, was one of the least attractive guys I dated, at least according to my friends. But he made me the happiest. He drove an old truck that used to be his grandfather’s and he worked part-time at the Gap and though he was in his mid 20’s, he was still completing his degree. People used to ask me what I saw in him. I would always say, “he treats me like a queen”. It was the Happy Anniversary cards every month on the 18th. It was how we would stay at my place until I fell asleep and then he would drive home. The reason we did not work out, is that he was not ready for marriage and I was. Ten years later he got married and I was already married with a child that was in kindergarten.

It is amazing that though he did not have the “swagger”, or abs or “hot car”, he is the one that had the biggest impact. He calls me from time to time, and I have even visited with he and his wife. I wonder if I would have been satisfied with him as  a long-time partner, or if he was someone who was good for me at that point in my life but would not satisfy who I am today.

Nonetheless, he taught me (or God did through him), what romantic love should be. So perhaps that is why I wore my red today and was all smiles all day, without having a guy in my life, I am just not willing to settle unless I get someone as good as, what my friends referred to as “the strange one”, or someone even better. A person suited just for me. I am waiting God! And, I am going to smile and be happy because a relationship does not make who you are. I am just glad that I had money to do nice things today, and honestly blessed because I woke up yet another day!

So,I think for all of the men and women out there that feel bad about themselves this weekend, just rest assured that being alone is better than being with someone and feeling lonely. I have done the lonely in a relationship thing and it is the worst.

Happy hearts weekend friends. Love is a gift. Share it wherever you go, and good will come to you. I promise.

Simply~

Dee

I understand that having kids can be challenging, but they are a blessing-trust me…

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I was never the type of person that said that Oh My Gosh, I can’t wait to get married and have kids!!!! I knew I wanted to get married one day, and I would hopefully have a few kids, but I wasn’t pressed to do either. It also did not help that I found out at 19 that getting pregnant would be very difficult for me, so I guess I subconsciously tried to not be too excited about kids just in case I couldn’t have one.

That being said, my kid has changed my life greatly. I totally yell and have a sharp tone of voice with her. I am not syrupy sweet to her every second and it is sometimes unfair that I take out a frustration on her, but that is what loved ones do unfortunately. But I meet so many of these effing Stepford wannabes in the D.C. area that as my very southern mom would say-“Sugar wouldn’t melt in their mouth”, which is supposed to mean that they are super fakey sweet. But these same moms, are literal monsters when they are not in public. Or, they suck it up all of the time and never get mad, but when they do it is ugly.

I am the kind of person that nips a problem immediately. My kid is being snarky, I tell her to shut her mouth. One of her friends is speaking rude, I tell her to cut that crap out. So, even though I speak sharply sometimes, it is rarely “real yelling”, but more of a raised voice. I am saying all of this to say that we are all human, but people need to realize what a gift kids are. I wish some of these people could speak to women that cannot have kids or to those who have lost kids to death.

I think that we should appreciate all of our loved ones to the ability that we can every day. That does not mean that everything is rosy. Or that things will all be easy. But I get so sick of women that I know complaining about how their children are wearing them out or that they are mad about a snow day or that they can’t wait until Christmas break or Easter break or summer break is over. Cherish your kids!!! They are little for a short time. Eighteen years flies by. My child is only half of that, but that half went by in a blink and I have only spent maybe 3 days away from her in all of those years! I am home with her 24/7 because she is home schooled and her dad is a jackass and never gets her and I still manage to appreciate our mom/daughter relationship. It will change over the years for the good and the bad, but it is too special to just ignore or be sick of.

So, for all of the full time career moms that say: “Well, you don’t know how it is-you don’t have a full-time job!” I could say a lot to these disillusioned bimbos. But I will simply say: BOLLOX!! I keep kids 25 hours per week. I just finished another Master’s, I home school my kid. I have no help from any family member because my mom is 700 miles away and his family does nothing for me or my daughter. We spent 15-20 hours a week for months with my daughter’s art and acting classes and performances on top of everything else . So where these superior women spend 60 hours at work, 20 hours socializing and 20 hours a week with their kids, I do ALL that I mentioned with my kid present.

So it may sound if I am being judgmental too, but I am not. I am the one that is judged more often than not.  I was a late bloomer. I am just now doing career-oriented things, for one reason because I took a 10 year break. But, I am just explaining that I may not have job stress, but no one is around to teach or raise or entertain my kids except for me or her friends on an occasional play date. There are 5  kids over here right now. That is the way I like it. All of her friends want to be here, because though I am stern and strict, I am fun and caring and make things about the kids. To make matters worse, some of these same women have weekends away from their kids and still complain about how their kid is getting on their nerves the weekends that they are “on.”

It not only sickens me, but it makes me wonder why the hell they had kids. Because it was on their to do list? Or because it was an accident? Or because it seemed like the right time in their life and everyone else was doing it too? I don’t claim to be a saint, but I am a good mom. I am not a doctor, a lawyer, a CEO, but I am one helluva mother. I am a friend, chauffeur, nurse, caregiver, advice giver, personal assistant, personal shopper, counselor, and so much more and I do not make 6 figures. But every night, I pray that I can live to be 100 to be around for my baby. I realize the gift that she truly is.

I hope and pray that these moms and dads that are only there when their children are being recognized, or are shining, wake up before it is too late. It would be a pity for their children to parent in the same way. Or, for these neglected children to wake up one day and want nothing to do with their parents.

The Washington, D.C. area is one of the wealthiest areas in this country. The neglect is not the same as in other places. These kids are entitled. Sure they have food and shelter.They also have many, many “things”. Uggs, and iPads and Northface jackets and shiny objects. What many of them that I have witnessed do not get is: time, attention, consideration, proper discipline, or no discipline at all. In some case, poor nutrition because they eat fast food as they are being shuttled from activity to activity or from caregiver to caregiver. (not that we never eat fast food, but you get the point I hope) They may live in gorgeous homes and safe areas,but many of them are empty and sad.

Most of the families that I have cared for, this is not the case. But I have been a tutor/teacher/nanny to kids in this area for 11 years, so I am not being overly dramatic or emotional. I have seen and cared for some of these kids that are just an accessory to their parents-or it sure as heck seems like it. Throwing material things at these kids is not a myth, it is the plain truth and happens all of the time. These types of parents think that giving kids a 50,000 dollar car when they are 16  replaces hugs and love. But what so many of these kids are begging for is someone to notice them, or to listen to them or tell them that they are not allowed to do something because it is a sign that someone cares. I truly hope these parents put the puzzle pieces together sooner than later.

Sorry to be a downer, but it had to be said…

Simply~

Dee