Tag Archives: Faith

So, this may sound super silly, but I was blessed in fruit and veggies this morning

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So, I can’t find my bank card and I am maxed on my CC’s. So I had no money to buy my kale or blueberries this morning. It may sound silly, but on this clean eating plan I am on, I have to eat a lot and specific kinds of foods at certain times. I get to church and at our coffee hour, there was more fruit than I have ever seen. Like seriously! A huge fruit tray and there were maybe 50 people there. And there were lots of veggies too.

Since I have been on this eating plan, I eat Kale with every meal. I saute it on the stove with red pepper flakes and salt/pepper and it is a mainstay here. So the next thing I know, a church member walks straight to me with a big plastic container filled with kale from our community garden and a some zucchini. I said, can I have the kale. She said, sure! I waited until everyone was pretty much gone to get one of the zukes, but I could not believe that simple things that I wanted and needed in the form of fruit and veggies were made available to me and the exact food I needed.

I know that this may sound silly or simplistic. But all I could think was, wow! God provided me with these small seemingly insignificant things and that if he listens or blesses me with those, then the job I want/need can be available to me. If I trust in God, my options and opportunities are endless. It was maybe a coincidence that the food was there, or the 25 dollar check that came in the mail happened to come on a day when I overextended myself in the bank.

But, God always seems to provide for me in some way or in some form. And I can’t believe I am saying this, but things seem to work themselves out. My biggest cross to bear has been not having enough work, i.e. financial woes. But I also have not applied as much as I should have. So this is a case where I decided that I could not only trust God, but I also have to take more action. I have mentioned this before, but there is a fine line between faith/trust/effort. But I am trying to work to find that delicate balance where I give more to God to handle while being sure that I am doing my part. That takes care of trust and effort.

The faith part is the hardest. It is not the same as trust. It is knowing without a doubt that everything will be absolutely positively okay. I guess that faith today helped me make it through the daughter/daddy playdate that I was worried about, and knew that God would make a way for me to get what I needed in the presents of produce. This may be a very wacky post, but I couldn’t lie my head down tonight without sharing the glory of God and that with HIM all things large and small are possible.

Night~

Dee

Do you ever feel like when people say ask and you shall receive that it doesn’t apply to you?

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So, I have a decent life. Cute little condo/apt/flat. Adorable and intelligent kid. Fat cat. Fabulous mom. But, I am lacking the “big money” and “the man”. Those 2 things get to me sometimes. The money more than the man. To be honest, I don’t want “big” money, just enough money.

I think about all of the tragedies in Kenya and other parts of Africa and the Middle East with those sick and twisted terrorists and I know that I have a good life. I really do. But, I am so sick of waiting for my ship to come in. I want to go on the longer vacation or not have to find a dress for a wedding that I am a part of on clearance.

Nothing fancy, just having a consistent income that can provide for us without the help of my mom. Having to pay her back is always on my mind. She doesn’t want the money back or doesn’t consider it a loan when she helps me. But nonetheless, I am grown and do not want to need her to help me out. I have always worked jobs even when I am bright enough and educated enough to have a real career.

I am so not lazy. I am motivated to do better. I just haven’t gotten there. Do not get me wrong, I am not job searching 24/7. But there are limitations on jobs that I can take. They can’t be nights, weekends, or with travel because I am a single parent with no family nearby.

I do not spend every waking moment looking for the dream job. I work to pay my bills and hope for the best and put in an application when I can. I just kind of feel like it is hard to find the kind of work I need to fit my schedule with my child and to provide for us without me working multiple gigs.

I mean, I take care of children, I run errands and dog walk. There is no shame in my game. But when one of my part-time things come to an end, like my recent loss of 600 per month, I am screwed. I was beginning to get ahead and pay some credit cards down. I really owe a lot on car repair ones as well as a vet credit account and I was really cutting them down substantially. Until last week.

So, here I am struggling even more, again. I want to do something real, with more permanence. Something I love. I don’t want to help people with their dreams all of the time while wishing I was doing anything else than working for them or with them. It’s not the people, I just want to do something meaningful to me that will last and pay the bills.

That is where I get around to the part about when people say: Just ask God and you will receive, I want to believe it works for me. I know God loves me and always has my back. But, I never have a door open, or at least I don’t feel like it. I feel like I have a tiny porthole in the form of a tutoring gig. But I don’t have a larger window or sliding glass door in the form of something substantial.

I have student loans to pay and credit accounts and have to keep a roof over our head and the car running. Of course, we do some leisure activities and my kid is forever acting in one gig or another, so we have some money. But since I lost that little job last week, I have to say goodbye to cable this week. We did not have it for over 2 years and my mom suggested that my daughter would love to have it again.

In the meantime, I have gotten used to it and now I have to tell my night-time entertainment goodbye. But that is such a First World Problem and I know it. But, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to do better and provide better and improve myself.

I hope that someone out there like Revolutionary Christian or another of you wonderful readers and bloggers will pray for me. I really am at a tricky point in my life right now. I got this major feeling that God was helping me to leave a situation that I detested in order to stop being stagnant and being stuck in “just mode”.

Just getting by. Just getting enough sleep. Just making ends meet. Just doing what I gotta do.

Thanks for listening and reading and bearing with me while I try to figure out how to trust God more and how to believe that I can achieve greater things and that God will fix it all for me.

Good night.

Simply~

Dee

Trying to blog and watch one of my favorite Will Smith movies is tough, but somebody’s gotta do it…

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So, I am not dating, kind of tried to last year but I couldn’t fully commit to it. I went on 4 horrible dates with 3 decent guys and one complete douche of a guy. I just did not find in them what I wanted and as much as the movie Hitch, and the Wedding Planner and You Got Mail gives me hope, I just can’t figure it out. What I mean by ‘it’ is love and romance and giving my heart away again. I can’t take just whatever so that I can be a part of a pair. I have to have for once in my life, someone who will make that grand gesture. So until then…

I would looooove to be with someone like Will Smith’s character in Hitch, or Tom Hanks in You Got Mail, or of course Matthew McConaughey in Wedding Planner. Or, even like Gentelmenhood who is an awesome guy who just wrote a book and I am Instagram friends with. He seems to have it all figured out. He is seriously not settling and not going to make mistakes he made in the past with women. He has admitted to his wrongdoing and has committed his life to teaching others how to love and what love is not.

This is very similar to the movie Hitch. In case you haven’t seen it, Alex Hitchins is his character and his job is to pair up the most unlikely men with the objects of their affection. He strictly deals in love and not lust and wants to help men because of how uncertain he was with women when he was younger. He got hurt big time and wants to spread the word about what to do and not to do. Funnily enough, he has a hard time finding love himself. Then he and his love interest have a few ups and downs and the movie ends in a way that makes me very happy.

It really is a novel idea. It is funny and inspiring and gives people like me hope. But, as much hope and inspiration I may seek or receive, I just can’t step out on faith and take the chance. I am pretty much satisfied with sitting at home on Saturday night and blogging after a full day with my kid. I am warm and comfy and am not wasting money at a lounge or 30’s and 40’s going out group so that I can bump into the love of my life in the way that people do on a movie.

It just doesn’t happen for me like that. Everything is not that easy. I have never had things fall into place easily, and frankly I don’t want the man who I will be with forever to happen that way either. I want to have someone who is truly God sent who has eyes for no one but me and who finds all of my quirks irresistible. I have always settled and overlooked things that I detested about a man just to have love. But I do believe that I will find a man (at some point) that will be my true other half.

Until then, I will raise my kid and cats and meet with friends a couple of times a month for a movie or coffee. I will read my Bible, write in my devotional and type my thoughts on here. I will continue to eat well and start to make exercise a priority. Just like I feel that God is preparing a man for me, I have to get myself together for my match as well. I think I am off to a pretty good start…