So, I have been on the job 5 weeks and wow. Every second of the day I am busy texting, emailing and calling, so I have no extra time. I squeeze in a call with my honey before and after work and a tiny bit in between but I have no time to write. That is a problem.
Just when I think that I have a grip on the job it gets tougher and heavier and more convoluted. And it doesn’t seem like there is an end in sight. The money is okay, but I don’t even think with 20K more I would feel a bunch better. There are just too many tasks to fit into one day and I don’t feel it will slow down. But at least for now I am gaining some good experience and the in office hours are bearable. But I wake up early in the morning thinking about it! Even on weekends!
I want to one day be like Hemingway and wake up and go to sleep with writing on my mind and on the agenda. Only having time for a word with God and to snuggle with my cat and family. What a dream life! Unfortunately, because I have been doing so much freelance work over the years, my finances and credit are not where they should be. I will have to suck it up for awhile and get things in order so I can chill like Ernest and live the creative life I envision. Thankfully I have been working hard at it all year. I started in January on the road to improve my credit and it is up 90 points! The fact that I can pay a lot more on existing bills will help too. If I stick with this a year, I will be debt free outside of my ginormous student loan.
Something I am trying to work on more in my life is compartmentalizing. If I view people/situations/relationships as separate entities then I can have more control over my reactions. I have decided that this job is a device to a more sound future. This thinking will better manage my stress. I did this with certain friends and ex-in-laws as well. It keeps emotions and irritation out of the equation. With this viewpoint I don’t get easily disappointed. I know to expect blah blah from this person or area of my life and so on. Then there will be no surprises. The job will be in a different box and family is in another one and so on.
With this mental line drawn in the sand, it helps to keep my priorities straight. I have been snappy with my guy and kid, and that can’t happen! So, the bottom line is, the pre-job Dee is on her way back. Last night, myself, the guy and my kiddo and her bud danced for hours to music at a local Oktoberfest. My activity with walking there and dancing was 7 +> miles! It was one of the most fun evenings ever. Just singing and swaying and laughing with the crowd was just magical. I felt like myself again and while everyone around us was drinking, I was high on life and espresso! It made me realize how much time and energy I have been spending on this job and how silly that is.
I have declared that the job will be in Box M. That is halfway through the alphabet leaving plenty of spaces to fill all of the other boxes with people/things of more importance. For instance: God, the kid and guy, my mom, writing, exercise, reading, self-care, speaking with friends more. I don’t know if I am the only one who does this, but it makes life simpler. It may sound cold and calculating to a degree, but whatever keeps me healthy and out of therapy, right? Lol.
Anyhow, if you all are stumbling around through issues and feel bogged down, you should really consider this line of thinking because it works wonders. Or have a (mostly) anonymous blog like I do and let it all out on your typewriter/laptop/phone and spill forth the tea. I will be glad to read it and support you. And trust me, writing it out and speaking into existence helps tons too.