When I don’t write for a day or 2 more, it usually means that I am going through something and don’t want to talk about it. Or, I am really thinking in depth about a person or situation. Right now, I am back in the romance mood where I am all like-“I should be dating!” My friend and I looked on dating sites last night for fun, and out of the blue, I signed up for one. I immediately got responses, tons of them. But it is not so much as a nod to how good looking I am, but there are so many people looking for love.
When I get on these sites, I automatically feel insecure as if I don’t quite measure up in some way. I mean some guys flood me with messages and winks. But then some of the hot and super accomplished ones don’t give me the time of day, and if they do they are pompous. I guess they have women all over them so if someone is not exactly what they want no exceptions, then they just move on to the other people in line who are.
I still am not sure if I am doing it for validation, a good ego stroke, or because I am literally starved for romance. Maybe it is a combo of all of the above. But, when someone gets too close or messages me too much, I get scared. I wonder if I will be attractive them if we meet. I wonder if I will be attracted to them. I worry how it would affect my child if I fell in love. I get scared at the whole thought of falling in love. So, it is a ridiculous cycle of fear and doubt and then fear again.
I don’t know what to do! Go on a bunch of bad dates? Put myself out there with a teeny chance that it will lead to anything positive? Or, wait for God to give me a sign in some way? Someone told me the other day, and it is a super over-used statement, but so true: “God helps those who helps himself.” It wasn’t those words exactly, but it was similar wording. My friend said to me that God may have the right person for me, but if I don’t do anything to seek them then I may not meet them.
So here I go again: Do I pray and wait? Do I pray and then act? Do I pray and expect this major event to occur that will lead me to my guy? Or do I pray, make the effort and use discernment based on my God given intuition? I always get confused with the whole ‘Letting Go and Letting God Thing’ which means hand it over to God, and when I should act on something praying for the best, meaning taking it into my own hands. If anyone of you guys understand what I am going through, i would love your advice, if you don’t prayers would be great too! I haven’t seriously dated anyone besides my ex-husband, and 15 years and I’m not that old!:)
Happy Wednesday and happy dating if you are single like me. If you are married, happy not dating 🙂