Category Archives: Blogging

So, does it feel like everyone is moving forward in their lives while you aren’t evolving one bit??

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For me it does, a lot lately. With all of this down-time this month, I have had a lot of time to think. And sometimes, too much thinking time is not a good thing. At least not for me!

I had a conversation with  my daughter today and she was saying how she was tired of wearing dresses and skorts all of the time and it was time to change her style. I felt instantly like my little girl is growing up so much. I mean we were around a girl 2.5 years older than her all day, so I am sure that her style had something to do with my daughter’s sudden change in style after choosing to wear a dress yesterday. But then I thought about how hard I have struggled with my weight and after 20 lb loss it is not moving. To be honest, over the years I have never been able to get far beyond those 20 lbs. I know I have thyroid problems, but 20 pounds when there is 40 to 45 more to go, is just a drop in the bucket.

But then I thought about how hard I have struggled with my weight and after 20 lb loss it is not moving. To be honest, over the years I have never been able to get far beyond those 20 lbs. I know I have thyroid problems, but 20 pounds when there is 40 to 45 more to go, is just a drop in the bucket. It gets a little frustrating when I even let my bff coffee go just to get healthy and eat clean and still nada!

Then I started thinking about our cute little place is and how I would love a bigger place and the fact that I have now been here over a decade. How, I still can’t afford a home and that the jobs I keep applying for do not happen for me. Then I realized in less that 10 years my kid will be ready for college and I have a very small life without her. I am not really complaining, because most of my friends are in the same stage of life that I am and child-rearing is #1. But many of them have spouses to cling to as the little birdies begin to fly away. I only have one birdie, and I am beginning to feel like I am stagnant and later may be alone. But I do not want to date. I want God to bring someone into my life because I suck at choosing. But wondering when/if that is in the cards is another thing I am curious/anxious about.

I am saying all of this because I took 2 part-time gigs hauling kids around for the same families I worked for 2 summers ago. Even with all of my degrees, I am not too proud to make money in ways that may not fit my education. So as I was listening to the kids chatter today as we did different activities, I realized that I am still doing the same kind of work, living in the same place, holding on to the same weight and everyone is evolving. Kids I cared for 2 summers ago are now going into the last years of middle school. My kid is not early elementary anymore, so it seems a bit strange still caring for kids than it did when she was 3 or 4 or even 2 years ago.

I’m not complaining, I am just ready for my abundance. For positive changes to come into my life in the form of a better body because I work so hard now, and watch every bite and get my workouts in and it is a snail’s pace. I want a good job. I want to feel that I am growing and prospering as a person. I also would love to grow and prosper as a Christian. A kind friend on here said that perhaps I am stuck in a stage and I will eventually pull through but I have to learn things from that stage. I am tired of learning and treading water and doing nothing phenomenal or outstanding.

I can give myself a gold star for parenting 95 percent of the time, but beyond that, who am I? What am I? I can’t believe at this age I am still confused and not where I want to be. But I can say one thing for certain, if I wasn’t a mom to this wonderful girl, I would not be half of the person I am today. She is the best blessing I have had in my life thus far. I don’t know if there is a blessing that can outweigh the love and happiness I have being her mom.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to evolve. To be better. To make more money. To not be so stressed. I am crossing my fingers, eyes, toes and ankles that my time will come soon. Then I won’t only have a fab daughter, but a fab rest of my life to go along with her.

Simply~

Dee

Image courtesy of lilpickmeup.com

So, my television viewing is just as eclectic as my writing…

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You guys know by now that when I write, I am all over the place. That is because I have a million things on my mind all of the time and I want to say or do all of them at once. I was looking through Hulu tonight on our Wii because we divorced cable a couple of months ago. Hulu has improved so much!! They had Green Acres, I Love Lucy, A Different World, The Brady Bunch and then I found all of the Real Housewives shows. That is my real guilty pleasure when I don’t want to think of anything:).

I started Green Acres from episode 1 because growing up in the 70’s and 80’s and watching the reruns, it is not like I could watch them in order. Hulu used to suck big time!  They used to have oodles of obscure Asian titles, not there is anything wrong with that, but I am not Asian so they were not titles I was interested or familiar with. And no, I don’t have a problem with Asian shows or people. Had to say it because some people read more into things than necessary. Anyway…they have shows with the complete series available. They still have some shows where they have 8 episodes that are the more current ones, but now I can watch so many shows that I got to watch as a kid. And, in a few days they will have all of the Seinfeld episodes in the way that Netflix closed the deal with the Friends Franchise.

So, in addition to reading the Bible more and the entire stack of books beside my bed, I think I will be delving into Hulu this summer if it can keep a connection! My list to watch from beginning: Green Acres, The Brady Bunch, West Wing, Seinfeld (even though I have most of them and have seen them all), House of Cards, Parenthood and the Blacklist. I have seen a lot of House of Cards and the Blacklist and some of Parenthood on Netflix, which I have always used more than Hulu. But Netflix better up their game because there is competition. Amazon Instant Video is improving too. It sucks for Netflix that they came up with whole idea and other companies are pulling the rug out from under them so to speak.

Okay, this is my PSA tonight. Get rid of cable. There are too many good things to watch on these streaming services and saving money is one side effect and the most important one is sharing fond memories of days past with those you love…

Simply~

Dee

So, this may sound super silly, but I was blessed in fruit and veggies this morning

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So, I can’t find my bank card and I am maxed on my CC’s. So I had no money to buy my kale or blueberries this morning. It may sound silly, but on this clean eating plan I am on, I have to eat a lot and specific kinds of foods at certain times. I get to church and at our coffee hour, there was more fruit than I have ever seen. Like seriously! A huge fruit tray and there were maybe 50 people there. And there were lots of veggies too.

Since I have been on this eating plan, I eat Kale with every meal. I saute it on the stove with red pepper flakes and salt/pepper and it is a mainstay here. So the next thing I know, a church member walks straight to me with a big plastic container filled with kale from our community garden and a some zucchini. I said, can I have the kale. She said, sure! I waited until everyone was pretty much gone to get one of the zukes, but I could not believe that simple things that I wanted and needed in the form of fruit and veggies were made available to me and the exact food I needed.

I know that this may sound silly or simplistic. But all I could think was, wow! God provided me with these small seemingly insignificant things and that if he listens or blesses me with those, then the job I want/need can be available to me. If I trust in God, my options and opportunities are endless. It was maybe a coincidence that the food was there, or the 25 dollar check that came in the mail happened to come on a day when I overextended myself in the bank.

But, God always seems to provide for me in some way or in some form. And I can’t believe I am saying this, but things seem to work themselves out. My biggest cross to bear has been not having enough work, i.e. financial woes. But I also have not applied as much as I should have. So this is a case where I decided that I could not only trust God, but I also have to take more action. I have mentioned this before, but there is a fine line between faith/trust/effort. But I am trying to work to find that delicate balance where I give more to God to handle while being sure that I am doing my part. That takes care of trust and effort.

The faith part is the hardest. It is not the same as trust. It is knowing without a doubt that everything will be absolutely positively okay. I guess that faith today helped me make it through the daughter/daddy playdate that I was worried about, and knew that God would make a way for me to get what I needed in the presents of produce. This may be a very wacky post, but I couldn’t lie my head down tonight without sharing the glory of God and that with HIM all things large and small are possible.

Night~

Dee

So, I survived my kid-withdrawal today while my daughter was with her flaky daddy…

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I am so glad that they had a great day! I really am. They stayed out for 9 hours. He bought her shoes and took her to the movie and out to eat and to another event. I had a peace when he left that I normally do not have because I kept literally saying: “Jesus Take The Wheel”. It may sound super cheesy and I know that Carrie Underwood sang it, but that is the only thing I could think to say. Towards the end of the night when she came home an hour late, I started panicking thinking that he had her around his dysfunctional girlfriend.

I mean I did have fun. I watched non-kid-friendly movies like Wolf on Wall Street and Bridesmaids with a neighbor. I went for a walk and then walked and bought some food. I also got an hour and a half of work done for my office manager job I do virtually. I did all of this without guilt. When she came home, I was super glad to see her and actually really happy when she mouthed to me that he didn’t try the girlfriend introduction thing.

I have just really worked so hard to raise my daughter in church, and with morals, and I don’t expose her to drama and adult situations. I don’t want all of these years of love and effort to be messed up in an afternoon by exposing her to unhealthy situations or people. And honestly, her biggest issue is that she wants to have a relationship with him because he has never taken time in the past to spend with her. She wants the little time they have to be just the 2 of them, not his “woman’s” 4 children and 2 grandchildren and all of the baggage that goes along with it.

There is no jealousy from me. It is not like I am sad that he is with her. I have been away from him for 6 years. But she has texted me and harassed me and then called me and asked if he was cheating. Then 2 weeks later has asked if she can meet my child and have her spend the night. She is unbalanced. She has also blasted him on Facebook and cussed him out and completely been classless. So, there are real reasons for this fear and trepidation I have towards her. It is definitely not unfounded.

So, I made it through the independent film. I had faith in God today that my kid would be spared from her dad’s drama. And it all worked out! Now, if I can only get the other part-time job from home that I applied for Friday. If that job happens then all will be right in my world. And it could be considered a triple crown weekend! At least for now.:)

God is good!

Simply~

Dee

So, I am just realizing how great my Amazon Prime membership is…

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Earlier tonight, it was awesome to introduce Jurassic Park to my daughter and only for .99! It wasn’t bad for a couple of hours of entertainment. Now I am watching Muriel’s Wedding and it is for free:) and I completely forgot how much I love this movie! I have always felt a bit like Muriel. I don’t seem to fit well into any category. I don’t get along well with sorority types, but I don’t hang out with people who take a ride on the wild side either.

I am super-duper into R&B and old skool hip hop, but I love high tea and pearls. It’s like I am a walking contradiction or oxymoron. I did not fare well growing up in the south. I was just too different. Too outspoken. Not in agreement with a lot of the close minded people walking around in a stupor.

How in the world did I get on this subject just because of Amazon Prime? That is the beauty of movies. We can find ourselves in the characters and realize that the stories are inspired by people who have similar struggles or viewpoints or lives. Now I can say for a fact that I am not as irresponsible as Muriel, but there is a real free spirit in her that I would love to be.

Anyway, whatever you are doing tonight, enjoy and try to get more rest that I will.:) Father’s Day tomorrow. Ugh… i haven’t spoken to mine in over 20 years. Correction. He hasn’t spoken to me. My ex will come to hang with my daughter. I am only praying he doesn’t try to bring her around the girlfriend. I have shielded my daughter from that kind of drama and I hope tomorrow is not the day when he decides to test things.

Good night!
Simply~

Dee

motherly wisdom: deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own

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Love this!!!

Capturing the Charmed Life's avatarCapturing the Charmed Life

When my husband and I were first married, I moved four provinces to the east until he finished his medical residency. A gentle woman by the name of Margaret cushioned me with maternal wisdom. Over the years, we continued our friendship through letters. So many letters, that I had boxes and boxes of her beautiful handwritten script. The Christmas of that first year, she gave me a book called, “Mother tried to tell me, and I just wouldn’t listen”.

Still, after all these years, I’m still grappling with one of the wisest thoughts. This quip stands tall in my mind now, as I parent my children: “Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own“.

This is an excellent way to approach parenting. They say, ‘your voice becomes their inner voice’.

March2014 213Yet, all this is a tall order. One that makes me feel fraught with guilt…

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So, I did it! I am officially an acting survivor! I filmed a short sci-fi film with my daughter…

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So, I am a “Star”. Ha ha. No, I am not. I really wanted to be one when I was little but I did not have the guts, drive, or resources to do something about it. I never mentioned to my daughter and when she was 5 she wanted to be an actress after being in a kindergarten play. I guess it runs in the family. For a short while, my brother did casting for tv and he interned on a really big movie in the 90’s-“Fried Green Tomatoes”. I got to go on set with him and it was awesome. But his desire to be a director and/or actor fizzled out. So now, I am getting to see it through my daughter’s eyes. Until yesterday…

Because this is an indie film, it is low-budget and the owner of the company is the director/producer/graphics person. The film for my daughter was just a fun experience because she loves acting. She has not expectations about it being a “major” film. SO when they asked if I wanted to be in a few scenes, I was all like-“Sure”. But, I had no idea that it would be so nerve-wracking or how long and arduous the process can be. I was already scared about having lines, but having to do them over and over made me realize I don’t like acting for myself. I think I would enjoy the technical aspects, or managerial/operational parts.

So, I can truly tell people I have acted and that all these submissions for tv and movies are not for my joy. It is strictly for the love of my daughter. I am so glad that she lights up when she does it. Or, she really commits to her character. And I love that she can memorize lines lightening fast and have the emotions on point to top it all off. But all these trips to and from auditions and to and from rehearsals and updating the resume and paying for new pics, is all for her. If she ever said that she didn’t want to do it anymore, I would be completely on board. A stage mom, I am not!

Have a blessed rest of the day and Sunday!