So, my daughter for the last 4 years has dealt with an onslaught of people who are jealous of her, mad at her and not loyal to her. And some of you might say, well maybe it is her. But when it comes to her friends, she goes above and beyond. She listens intently, gives incessantly and will keep any secret that comes her way. She is not a braggart, she is introverted until she knows people, is super respectful to teachers. She is the quintessential good kid.

I had the same problems she did when I was growing up. But I was really outgoing, kinda hung with the popular crowd and was a lot more outspoken and would only let people push me so far. I was sweet but shared my feelings openly and did not shy away from conflict. So I get why people had an issue with me because I was more of a threat.

But recently it was 2 of her best guy friends that froze her out during some huge moments in her life. They went to prom with her and she had a not so fun time. And she had been looking forward to it for 5 mos. And she was up for 3 acting awards, one was on a national level, one was local that led to nationals and one was just local, but still important. And she graduated. Out of the blue, besides a few break a leg comments, they just kind of pulled away. It has been so incredibly hard for her because she spilled so much of her feelings and experiences about her struggled to them and they did the same thing that others have done to her..

Many people in the acting community are supportive, but there are a lot of people who totally are not. And I do not know if it is jealousy because she keeps getting accolades, racism because she is biracial, elitism because we are not loaded like so much of the D.C. area. But it stinks. And even when she was 10 and home schooled and far more innocent and way less skilled, the same thing happened. And she was hungry for friends then. There was always an underlying veil of envy towards her and because she is so kind, she did not want to face or beleive it.

Granted, we both accept people very quickly. We call them family, support them in a huge way, open our arms and hearts fully. Many times, way too fast. We both silently tell ourselves not again, but it is just who we are. I have been hurt by far too many people myself and they seem to walk away with little care. Of course I have had friends as long as 30 years, but not many. I guess I pick wrong? Maybe we both do.

I saw this Instagram reel that summed up my life experiences with people and hers as well. It said, not verbatim: people are attracted to your sparkle and shine and want to be a part of your life. But after a while when your shine does not dim they begin to resent it a little. The very thing they were attracted to becomes the thing they now do not like. Now these are my ownwords to sum it up, but it was the gist, this video came to me at the right time, during my kid’s recent friendship dilemma and it really suddenly made sense to me.

I spent so much of my life wanting to make friends, pleasing people and to gain acceptance and love. Single parent house hold. Brother 8 years older who wishes I was not born, literally, so I wanted sibling like friends I guess. Some of my issues too were probably daddy issues, but I digress. The point is, I am not perfect and do not expect everyone to like me. That is not possible, but I like my daughter have “lost” people and there was no falling out or harsh words, it just happened with no explanation. And this reel pulled it all together for me. Gave me peace. I shared it with my daughter too. I hope it helps her to realize at an early age that happiness can only come from self and God, not from mankind.

Some of us stand out or are quirky, different, eccentric, etc. And people either love it and cannot get enough or despise it totally. I am in the category of outgoing and maybe eccentric and friendly and my kid is known as highly talented and insanely positive and nice to all. Those personalities should make people warm and fuzzy and feel positive. But some people will find a reason to be negative or hateful, no matter what someone is like. They will get triggered and there is nothing you can do to change it.

I guess my point of this post is to say that even though I am now considered middle aged, I still have concerns and hurt feelings about friendships. So having an 18 year old struggle with it is totally natural. And I think that for her she sees it as a failure to have relationships end. I told her it is more so stages of life. Most people are not close to the person they met in 7th grade, come 12th grade. Some are, but we go through so many changes during those years, it makes sense to change up your tribe a bit based on the ever unraveling person one is becoming.

I too was very hurt and cried with her about these recent losses because even though it seems like petty jealousy crap, these guys were like the siblings she does not have. I truly adored them. And people say- never say never. Meaning that things may work out. But after the level of chastisement, shutting out and judgment they used towards her without letting her express her feelings or even ask questions, I think the damage may be too much to repair.

The whole reason, season, lifetime thing is true. It doesn’t mean that it is fun. And it can definitely suck at times. But as I told her and the old song goes: “love the one you’re with”. Sometimes those who do not excite, move or thrill us, are the best thing for us.

What are your thoughts? Experiences? Viewpoints? Would love to hear about your friendships. If you do not want to leave a message here, you can always email-dee@simplydeeindc.com.

~simply

Dee