So, I know a lot of nice people here. Okay, a lot may be a stretch. But I have several people in my life whom I am fond of or acquainted with in some way who are good and decent people. When I lost my job last year and my car broke and I was taken to court, yes this happened all at one time, a few of them up and wrote me a check without me asking. I paid them back, but the point is, they are kind and solid but not necessarily people who that I tell my secrets to. And if tables were turned I would have helped them as well.

But when trying to plan social events, I realized that in some way each of these people have colored my journey here over the last 15 years, but they don’t feel like ‘my people’. The people with whom I most connect with are people whom I knew before the current Dee.  The one where people started calling me Dee. The people who knew of unsavory people I dated or of a time when I would drink too much and do something stupid, on the regular. Some of these people I have barely seen in 2 decades. But there is a closeness with them that I haven’t recaptured with anyone here.

When we were younger, even if we made many mistakes, later those choices are what we now consider to be good times. The period in our lives before we were bogged down with bills and when we were first always! Perhaps the carefree attitudes we had then made friendships closer because there was so little to be stressed about. Or the fact that we went through growing pains together. Whatever the reason behind it, I do not regret having moved away. I do sometimes dwell on the fact that not being near my crew or tribe stinks a whole bunch. The ability to laugh freely and not watch what I say and just be me is something I sorely miss.

I am quirky, weird and unable to be put into a box and that is what my guy and I have in common. He too is totally different and eccentric and I can be politically incorrect, crude and just plain old silly with him. I hate to have to tiptoe around people! It’s so freeing to be with him. I can’t wait until the day he moves here for so many reasons. Though I haven’t yet known him 2 years, he feels like home. That ever elusive feeling is present when it is just us- my cat, me, my kid and my guy. I may not have a best girlfriend here, but with my little family I guess I truly have it all.