I don’t know if it is because my budget is in the red, or because I haven’t done any Christmas events or because I am reading Christmas Carol. Maybe it is because I am just tired and want things to improve. Part of success is preparation and I think the other part is just being the type of person who has it easy. This is not really a woe is me kind of post. But just a my reality kind of post.
I truly try to be happy and positive and upbeat and I succeed on all fronts most of the time. But I am just tired of things not improving because I try so hard and don’t expect too much. You know it’s like I just want that break. The kind of break that will make me realize that all of the worrying and stressing was for a purpose.
I am blessed. I love my daughter and my guy and my mom and my cat. I have a cute little place and live in a decent area. But I want to not have to stretch my coins out so much. I want to feel at ease and relaxed and not on edge every single time I peep at my bank app.
Have you ever felt that way? Either very relaxed or very stressed? Some people only feel one or the other. But I know many people who are just in the middle. Their feathers don’t really get ruffled nor do they have a complete life of leisure.
I can’t stand being on the stressed end, but I don’t know how I would feel in the land of the mediocre either. I mean trust me, I wouldn’t mind for just a short time being one of these moms riding around here in the privileged D.C. area, slowly sipping their lattes while slowly driving to their yoga classes.
I think I would be bored sh–less at the end of the day but hey it would beat being down in the dumps about Christmas because I am worried about paying my bills. Or because I can’t get my loved ones exactly what I want. Or because the status quo every year is to watch the bottom line because it always an issue.
Don’t get me wrong. My cup still runneth over. I am so blessed in so many ways. But some days I want to be one of the ladies who lunch. One of the females whom is always smiling and is always happy because she doesn’t have a care in the world.
I am a happy person whom rarely lets these daily struggles make me feel all mucky and in a funk. But today is not one of those days. Today is a day where I want my loved ones to do something to help me without me telling them. Be it the right phrase, or perfect solution, or just without judgement, feel for my long-lasting plight and truly empathize at how helpless I feel at times.
I am a strong woman. I am smart. I am a good mom. I do work hard. But some days, not many, but some days I just want to eat tacos and a Snicker’s bar and pretend that calories don’t count and just sleep. Not that vegging out and eating a million calories make sense or will help. But I just need it to make sense because it is what I am feeling right now.
Weird blog post today, I know. My guy said to write and just put thoughts down in this blog, so however scattered they may be, here they are.