Monthly Archives: August 2015

So, joys and concerns before the day closes…

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My joys would be:

We both woke up today.

Actually my mom and cat did too, so yay!!

I got up and went to work today with the kiddos even though I coughed all night.

I am feeling better.

We went to a bakery supply store and bought some cool items to bake all of the treats for my daughter’s party in November, for really cheap-at cost!

I cleaned up and talked to loved ones.

I got some work done.

I wrote in my blog!

I got my 2 miles in for the day at 1 am:)

Concerns:

Need more money.

Seems like there is more to be grateful for than to be concerned about. Try to list yours out, even in private. There is a lot more to be happy about than we think. Even little things like getting cheap cake pop sticks:) Life is to be celebrated.

Good night!

Simply~

Dee

So, perhaps romance and true love is not just for tv dramas…

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Over the last year and a half I have gotten into television dramas. A lot! I have not had cable most of that time, so I have binge-watched shows like Scandal and Parenthood and Nashville. When I had cable, I found myself dumbing down with reality crap.

These dramas have me or have had me wanting to be in love. Cookie and Lucious’ chemistry on Empire and Rayna and Deacon’s true love on Nashville and “Olitz” with their scandalous affair, made me think that those stories had to come from some real life situations correct?

So, there goes the dilemma that I go through at the end of every summer. I have a birthday coming up, then the holidays, and I don’t have fancy parties to go to because I have not significant other. I partially want that part of my life to be revamped and the other part of me wants to enjoy raising my child.

I feel guilty for not looking for romance, and guilty for thinking of it. It’s like I am fulfilled in so many ways, but certain songs or show or movies will spark that desire for the company of a man. Not just any man, but THE man. A man who will change everything for me.

The kind of man who would step in and be a great dad to my kid. The kind of person that would bring change to my life, but not disruptions that are unpleasant. Someone that would fit perfectly in a four-part puzzle. Me, my kid, God and “the guy”.

I go through these phases of trying online dating, and i will respond for a month and then get overwhelmed by so many responses (def.not bragging) that I send them to spam. Then, when I need my ego stroked, I dip back in the pool again. I think that I want a guy, but not with the strings.

I want what is good on paper for the sake of saying that my life is full. But then I feel like a fool for feeling like it is full without a man. Is this confusing to you? Because it sure is heck is confusing for me.

What I get out of these shows besides entertainment, is hope. I get the feeling that I can be that person that someone can’t live without. I can be the person that someone would give up anything for.

I think the real deal is that I want to meet someone organically. I want God to just drop the right person in my lap as I am picking out blueberries or as I wait for my mom at the airport. Or even when I am getting my license renewed.

I don’t want to find someone on my own because I suck at relationships. Or, I suck at the choosing. And because I am not one of those people who can hear God speaking to me, I need for things to happen in a manner that I can be sure that it is all God and not me-if possible.

Signing off for now Hopeless Romantic

aka

Simply Dee~

So, I can plan parties 3 months ahead of time and help fix others’ problems, so why do I not fix…

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My job situation?? I have been caring for kids in some way/shape or form for 12 years straight. I also have a part-time job that I do from home that I am grateful for, but I am not happy with it. It isn’t a lot of money and it is not fulfilling my dreams. It is helping someone fill their dream-AGAIN. I want to wake up everyday and love what I do in the way that I love and appreciate being a mom.

I can’t imagine what I could do that would give me that sense of fulfillment. I am so traditional in some ways and so non-traditional in others. But, now I understand why some people go to college to “meet a husband”. I never thought that I would love caring for someone so much. Being a mom is what I am so good at and I truly love, which is great for my daughter. If only I could get paid for all that I do as a mom because besides writing and music, there is not much more that I am passionate about.

It’s kind of foolish because I have tried to be a stay-at-home mom as a single mom and it doesn’t work well because I do have to bring home the bacon. Staying home and home schooling my kid while trying to make ends meet is tough, and to some perhaps silly, but it’s a calling to me. I feel led to be here for my daughter and have a great relationship with her, and to raise her in the way that I see fit.

I would be possibly better off if I worked full-time, but with child care costs and being away from my daughter every day all day, I don’t know. I am not judging working moms because I had one. But I really wish my mom could have been around more. Especially since I was a child of divorce. I think that I am trying to fill in the gap that my kid’s dad doesn’t fill since we split up 5 years ago. To be honest, he never filled it. He was just someone who brought extra income to the house, but he was absent in every other way.

So, I try so hard to be supermom (to the best of my ability) because I want to, but also because this little girl needs me to be. It is different from it was when I was growing up. We don’t have the same neighbors forever. We can’t send our kids out to play with no parental supervision. She has tons of friends and we do a lot, but a lot of her life revolves around me.

My whole point in this long monologue is to say that I wish I could do my own thing and do it as well as I parent. I would be rolling in the bucks if I knew how to put that type of dedication into work as I do into child-rearing. I am very bright and quite brainy and funny and so many other things that are positive, but I would never win an award for being focused. I try so hard to be. I have started up businesses. I have come up with great ideas, but nothing has come to fruition.

SO, to all of you praying folk, please pray that I can find a way to support myself and my child in a way that I can enjoy and do well. I want to love waking up not only because I am blessed in my home life, but because my whole life is blessed. It may be a lot to ask for, but I am tired of pinching pennies and still being miserable in what I do.

God Bless you all and good night!

Simply~

Dee

So, I have been away for awhile. Literally and figuratively…

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Hi!

I went down south for close to a week to visit my family and bring my mom back with us. My kiddo finished her play-again, and I am on day 4 of being sick. So, things have been crazy! I cannot believe that summer is about to bid us adieu, well not next week, but soon enough.

I have been following presidential hopefuls, annoyed that our president doesn’t seem to be doing much of anything and freaked out about the selling of baby body parts. I really cannot stand either political party anymore, and I don’t know how those in power can sleep at night because I can’t and I am not guilt-ridden like they have to be.

Since I wrote last, there has been another attack on our military, but the WH did not even want to fly the flag at half-mast. Say what you want about our president, but patriotism or love for this country and our military is not high on his list right now, or ever.

I am so aggravated with the state of affairs in our country, how the racial divide has grown more over the last 5 or 6 years, and how we are still not fixing the dramatic influx of immigrants that we do not have the finances for.

I love our country, and I love my life with my kid, but it is so frustrating when so many things are in disarray. It is hard to be hopeful for the future. It is hard to look ahead and see sunny days when I don’t feel like I or the country I grew up in is on solid ground.

So, I was mum for a few weeks, and I right out of the gate offended people probably. But honestly, I don’t care. I want to write my truth. I sometimes hold back as to appease, or to stay in the middle. The thing is, on some issues I am so in the middle. On other issues, I am so far away from the middle that it is not funny.

It’s kind of like my music taste-unpredictable! No one can easily put me into a box or category and I used to think that made me weird. But now, I know that it makes me a strong woman who thinks and feels and cares and does not just go along in life accepting everything. Those days are done.

I suggest for you all to care and be involved too. There is nothing more infuriating than someone who complains all of the time about everything but does nothing to change their circumstances. If all of us fought for the little things, the big things would not be so insurmountable.

Happy Monday!

Simply~
Dee