My job situation?? I have been caring for kids in some way/shape or form for 12 years straight. I also have a part-time job that I do from home that I am grateful for, but I am not happy with it. It isn’t a lot of money and it is not fulfilling my dreams. It is helping someone fill their dream-AGAIN. I want to wake up everyday and love what I do in the way that I love and appreciate being a mom.
I can’t imagine what I could do that would give me that sense of fulfillment. I am so traditional in some ways and so non-traditional in others. But, now I understand why some people go to college to “meet a husband”. I never thought that I would love caring for someone so much. Being a mom is what I am so good at and I truly love, which is great for my daughter. If only I could get paid for all that I do as a mom because besides writing and music, there is not much more that I am passionate about.
It’s kind of foolish because I have tried to be a stay-at-home mom as a single mom and it doesn’t work well because I do have to bring home the bacon. Staying home and home schooling my kid while trying to make ends meet is tough, and to some perhaps silly, but it’s a calling to me. I feel led to be here for my daughter and have a great relationship with her, and to raise her in the way that I see fit.
I would be possibly better off if I worked full-time, but with child care costs and being away from my daughter every day all day, I don’t know. I am not judging working moms because I had one. But I really wish my mom could have been around more. Especially since I was a child of divorce. I think that I am trying to fill in the gap that my kid’s dad doesn’t fill since we split up 5 years ago. To be honest, he never filled it. He was just someone who brought extra income to the house, but he was absent in every other way.
So, I try so hard to be supermom (to the best of my ability) because I want to, but also because this little girl needs me to be. It is different from it was when I was growing up. We don’t have the same neighbors forever. We can’t send our kids out to play with no parental supervision. She has tons of friends and we do a lot, but a lot of her life revolves around me.
My whole point in this long monologue is to say that I wish I could do my own thing and do it as well as I parent. I would be rolling in the bucks if I knew how to put that type of dedication into work as I do into child-rearing. I am very bright and quite brainy and funny and so many other things that are positive, but I would never win an award for being focused. I try so hard to be. I have started up businesses. I have come up with great ideas, but nothing has come to fruition.
SO, to all of you praying folk, please pray that I can find a way to support myself and my child in a way that I can enjoy and do well. I want to love waking up not only because I am blessed in my home life, but because my whole life is blessed. It may be a lot to ask for, but I am tired of pinching pennies and still being miserable in what I do.
God Bless you all and good night!