So, despite what some may say about my outspoken and opinionated self, I am kind. Honestly, much too kind to people who clearly don’t deserve it. Yet, I keep pushing forward being nice to others and people keep taking advantage, or try to. My guy is always like, “Push back, put people in their place, establish boundaries.” But if I am starting with a job or friendship or endeavor, why would I want to start out being hardcore? Wouldn’t that be off-putting?
So basically, the job that I have busted my butt at for the last 11 months, for money that wasn’t ample, is ending. This lady has taken advantage at every turn and has grown increasingly unappreciative with what I do, though I do every single thing that she asks. Part of it is that she takes what I do for granted at this point but she also resents the tiny bit of “pushback” that I have given. I now refuse to work on Thursday nights to get off early on other days. She never pays for extra hours, she just wants me to shuffle around my time over a 5 day period for not even full-time. I have progressively shaved it down to 3 days, over the last 7 months, because the job started out at 3 1/2 days and then she started to want be to be available like I was a salaried employee or something.
To add insult to injury, I helped her put on a 5K and saved her because she had not turned in paperwork that was due 6 weeks before the race. The event was in 2 days and I went to the county organization and totally schmoozed those older women into making an exception. The lady I work for did not give me so much as a thank you note or anything. Then after the race was over-approximately 2 weeks, she told me that she wasn’t going to need me anymore after the 3rd week in July. I believe that there is a special place in hell for people like her, no, really.
Then, the marketing job that I was so psyched about and wrote about, still hasn’t started, and that woman is suggesting for the first couple of months that I drive in, when it is supposed to be remote! So, I have been having this ongoing email conversation with her about what I will and won’t do. But it comes off as not nice because I set up the expectations for people who I am a sucker. I guess? It is a fine balance though between being assertive and turning people off. So, these are some things that I have decided to do, from the jump:
- Be clear about my intentions/expectations
- Know what I stand for and stick to it (or I will fall for anything)
- Know my worth/value-I have struggled with this (that is the issue)
- Be willing to lose an opportunity if it is not a good fit (hard to do if you need money)
- Know that a better fit is out there (somewhere)
I am really working on this because I do have a lot of education, and great ideas and a lot to offer. I have just always lacked the confidence to really believe in myself. I am great at motivating other, but myself, not so much. But the ironic news is, I unexpectedly go a remote position last week out of the blue. A friend who ran into my daughter waiting for her camp bus, called me and wanted to show me her new office digs for her company that she has been running for about a year. I had no clue she was calling me in to hire me! We signed a contract, the dollar amount per hour is quite decent, and it starts tomorrow!
The good news is, I will have a job before the other one ends. And also, we are not such good friends that it will be an issue. We had not talked in nearly a year, and have never been best friends. So though we are fond of one another, there isn’t a lot of history that can sometimes makes these kind of situations tricky. So, go figure! I applied 1, 3, and most importantly #5 and I am starting something that I think will really work out!
If you are like me, and really need the cashflow and have people to provide for, it is hard to turn things down. So if you do take a job that is less than, just don’t get stuck in a rut like I did. Keep moving forward and get out of the crappy job as quickly as you can because YOU ARE WORTH IT!
3 thoughts on “So, apparently if you are too kind, people are not, ways to get past the pattern…”
This is exactly what I needed to read after just starting a new job. I’ve heard that there’s one person that I have to be careful around. Some say I have to get on her good side and others say I need to establish boundaries. So I’m a bit nervous!
I’m sorry you worked for such a terrible person, but how awesome about your new job! That’s amazing! Good luck! 😊
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thanks beautiful! Congrats to you, and take it from an overly accommodating person, don’t overextend yourself and be kind and not a doormat! xx
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Thank you! That is great advice. I will try! 😊
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