So I am quite timid when it comes to my writing. It is so personal to me and is one of the main reasons that I keep this blog on the downlow. Because I want to be able to be me and express myself freely without worrying about what people think. I still do care, but just don’t have to be as guarded as I do with people I know.
Is that stupid? Maybe so, but it is factual that some of our biggest supporters in life are people that don’t even know us that well. I have found that to be totally true on Instagram versus Facebook. Facebook is comprised mostly of people I’ve known my entire life and I get more accolades on Instagram who are 90% complete strangers.
I guess that is why it was easy for me to read tonight to a degree. I was a bit nervous at first, but not as weirded-out as when I read to four friends from church on Sunday at a woman’s meeting. That was kind of like the warm up for open mic, but I felt more at ease with those I didn’t know at the bookstore tonight. I think because there’s no personal history, sometimes it’s easier to open up.
I felt okay while reading, but in some ways, I felt that their work is better than mine. That whole insecure thing came into play for me. And I know a lot of it was delivery and several of them clearly have done this quite a bit. But sometimes my poems are deep and have layers, so they may not be easily interpreted by hearing and not seeing. But no matter, I got out there, I did it! My guy and my daughter are the reason I stepped out on faith and I hope to do it again sometime!
The people were supportive and cool and said nice things, which we all did. We all said we would come back again next month, and I hope we do. So maybe they think it sucks or maybe they don’t. But I made it through the storm! Now I can say with pride that I read my work and put myself out there. And that’s a good place to start…