So, I have had my fair share of financial woes and drama over the last couple of years. Some my fault. Some not my fault. No matter, at what point can a person continue to be strong when they just want to be normal. Don’t know what I mean by that? Do you live a life, that is predictable with no major surprises, drama or changes? Then if you do, you live a life of normalcy. Are there many of you out there?

Maybe if you are one of those people who fall into that rather broad category, you thought that your life was too much of the same, or quite boring. My guy was saying today: “your family is well and we are all in good health, and more money can be made.” And then he goes on to tell me it is about how I handle a situation. I agree with everything that he said. I really do. But it doesn’t mean I am not over it. I want a normal life!

Do you ever want to just wallow in your sorrows? Just a little bit? I am a blogger that prides myself on honesty, so full disclosure; My bank account is on hold due to a matter that has not been to court. It happened with no warning, and I am unable to touch my funds. To top it off, a few transactions that had not cleared before this happened have bounced back two times because it can’t pull from the balance in there. And they are going through again!

SO yeah, I am in pout mode. Woe is me is what I truly feel like. Everything ML said was great advice. But I am living a life where I try to do the right thing and I keep feeling like I am suffering setbacks every step of the way. Every single time I try to improve myself or my credit or whatever, I feel like it is a struggle. Everyone always says that I am being prepared for something greater. But when will it come?

I am typically a positive and happy-go-lucky girl, but I want to have it all. Great kid-check, great guy-check, no financial drama-uncheck uncheck uncheck, week/month/year with minimal drama-uncheck!!! I feel like everything that I try to do is harder than it should be! I always try to believe that things will work out and that I too can make a million, can lose that 30 lbs or be successful, etc. when reading a book or lecture.

This teeny, tiny part of me knows that it isn’t true. Do you ever feel like great things only happen to others? I would have given anything to meet my guy a decade ago but at least we met and my kid-she is amazing! But I am sick of the probs! People of faith say God gives us what we can handle. Everyone’s journey is different, but is it wrong to wish that though I am blessed with basic needs and wonderful loved ones, that I want things to be easier sometimes?

Do you all ever feel that way? I understand that this may sound like whining, but I just want to have less of a struggle when going through everyday life. I know that there are people all around the world that would say that I know nothing at all about hard times. And I guess compared to them it is true. If you are a person who is a Believer, then you will understand this: I feel like I am being tested and sometimes even under attack. Is it probable? Have you ever had that feeling? I am not sure.

This trial and tribulations kind of speak isn’t something that would normally come out of my mouth. But I have spent an entire lifetime feeling like I am reaching for an unobtainable goal. When everyone else around me is living a life of excess, it is really hard to swallow at times. I started to write a post about this last week and it had a more cheery spin, but I couldn’t do it. I have just been under too much stress to do it.I want to feel strong all of the time, but I just can’t.

The point of this post? I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. You ever been there? I am grateful for what I have, as I am sure that you are. But understand this, when someone is complaining about bad or sucky things, it does not mean for a minute that they don’t appreciate the good things no matter how few. It is just hard for us sometimes to think of those when we just want to cry in frustration and in anger.

Is it more productive to do otherwise? Yes. But I am always the kind of girl who is slapped with an issue and “hits the ground running” trying to move on from it and figure out what to do. My guy even said that he didn’t think he would have handled the bank hold thing as well as I, but it is all that is piled on top that is just too much. And of course when I am so upset, I work 10 hours today. So when I walk in the door, I am going straight to the bed.

I will have The Office on in the background, of course, and my fat kitty cat taking up half the bed I plan to sleep these issues away. Maybe tomorrow when my faith is restored I will write a happy post. Because after all today is a gift! Right? I typed that while grimacing:) Thanks for reading and putting up with my complaint blog today. Have a beautiful day, spring is on the way??!!

simply~

Dee