I think it is because I am blessed with the gift of great intuition. I am also blessed with a heck of a lot of common sense. But today when I told my friend that she needs to cut some of the ties with her mom because she in her 40’s, I suddenly felt like a hypocrite. My mom has to help pay my rent sometimes. I have to pay her back and borrow more money from her at this time of my life than I did in my 20’s. The main reason being that I have a child and work from home, making less to spend more time with my daughter. I am constantly praying and proclaiming and trying to make more money. But it’s not like I am not working as much as I can or not like I did not get and education so that I could make my situation better.
This particular friend hasn’t tried to make things better. She takes every one of her mom’s calls. She lets her mom tell her what phone to get, she lets her mom make plans for her. She explains to her home mom why she is going somewhere and with whom she is going. She complains constantly about it and is like a major victim regarding their relationship. I may not be successful or wealthy, but I am a doer. I try to change my situation. I try to have healthy relationships and try to work out more and eat better. I don’t shove an ice cream cone in my mouth while complaining about my weight. I just don’t freaking eat it! But some people just do not have the confidence or the know-how to make their lives better. Maybe that is the difference?!
As much as I feel like a jerk or worse a liar in some situations, I am never a victim. I may have a cry a few times a year about my situation, I do lean on my mom from time to time, but then I pick myself up and pay her back and do what I can to not have to borrow in the first place. But I also cut corners financially speaking, I don’t eat out anymore or rarely, I don’t waste money, and I have tremendously cut down on our entertainment expenses. But anyway, I don’t need to preach if I am not living my life in a perfect way. Instead, maybe I need to help my friend(s) to think and act like a strong person who all has it figured out.
I truly try to give no advice. I want to keep my opinions to myself. But, it just comes right out when I see someone being wronged or treating themselves badly. I don’t know if it is a personality flaw or a gift. But I think instead of attacking the person or situation that is making them into the victim, I will work on more empowering. Sometimes I want them to understand how much I care about their feelings or I want to show empathy and I go a bit overboard in what I say or how I react. I try to be a good friend at the core of it all. Now being a true friend is something I can preach about because I rock:)
2 thoughts on “So, why don’t I practice what I preach some of the time?”
You know I realized a few months ago….people just are who they are. I always want to help people or think I can get them out of really bad situations. But in reality they have to do it themselves. Your friend probably is fairly dependent on her bad relationship with her mother. She is probably also depended on being able to complain about it. And that is going to change only if she really wants to change it.
I wouldn’t feel too bad about it. I do not see it as you being hypocritical bc you ask your mom for help.
Thanks so much for this note. I need to stop trying to help so much and caring so much. Thanks for saying I am not hypocritical! Hugs, from one single mom to another
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