So, the stage I am in my life is quite interesting.  I am not retiree age, but have an empty nest now as my baby bird is more than halfway done with college. What to do?

I could join clubs, volunteer, and become really fit for the first time ever. Sure. But how is the role of being a mom to a younger person ever replaced?

I love having a daughter who is a junior in college and going to her house, states away, and seeing her life there. I love to see her perform after working so many years to get there.

We have a strong relationship and we talk 4 or 5 times a week, maybe more. She has a 50 hr week between her classes and rehearsals and workouts, so I appreciate any time she makes.

But there is nothing like when she was home and we were together every day. I home schooled her until she was 12, except 1/2 day kindergarten, so we spent an enormous amount of time hanging out for more than a decade.

She was in: ballet, pottery, tennis, bowling, jump rope, acting, tumbling, and more by the time she was 11. We went to museums and festivals and train rides to NY for special events and to Disney. We had sleepovers 5 or 6 times a year for all of her little friends. We had a blast.

When she got to school, I was there for all of her performances, volunteering at every show, being her biggest cheerleader. Her senior year, she auditioned for 17 college programs and got called back to all of them. She was in 6 plays in a 12 month period. She had a lead or was the lead in everyone, we were slammed.

Being a single mom for 14 of the 18 years she was at home made it even more demanding and honestly more special because I was doing it all alone. Then all of a sudden, poof, she was out of the house and a 10 hour drive away.

It has been more than 2 years now, and I have never been quite the same. I have been searching for that sense of purpose. I always ran on empty because she was so accomplished and involved. I did get my Master’s when she was little. But besides that, she was my focus, and honestly, my greatest accomplishment in life is having her as a daughter.

I remember sometimes wanting time for me and wanting to go to dinner or out with people and the guilt I would feel behind that later. Because as they say, at times, the days were so long, but man, the years were truly so short. I had periods of time where I wanted to do more career wise and wished I had achieved more. But she was always more important. And still is.

My biggest regret isn’t staying home with my kiddo and putting her first. My regret is not realizing how hard it would be to let go and let her fly away.

Luckily, she will fly back Thanksgiving and home for 3 1/2 weeks for Christmas. I will appreciate every moment. Because one day, she will be a grown-up with her own family, and I will reminisce on the college years.

Appreciate the present because the future will be past in the blink of an eye.

~simply

Dee