So, as we get older, it seems we do less and less for ourselves and more for others or take care of ‘things’ in general. And no, I am not only talking about people who have children. We have pets, we have our parents to help out with (I am not there yet), we have kids, we have a house to maintain, we belong to committees or organizations, etc. But do any of us take care of ourselves as we should, or at all?
I can say that I put myself last on the regular. I am a single mom, so part of it is I don’t have the money a lot of times to spend on pampering. I know that I can do things for myself that doesn’t cost a lot of money like a long bath or a walk, etc. I do those. But they are not things that are for me really. They are things that I do to take the place of what I really want to do. Like, a weekend trip to the beach, or a massage or a regular mani and pedi.
Don’t get me wrong, I love taking car of my kid and my cat, and my guy. I love doing for others. I am just a nurturer in general. But because of the fact that I have been sick so much this year, I think my man has a point, a lot of it is because I let stress get to me and I don’t spend time on me. I mean lately, I don’t even feel that I have the time to work out. I am running 90 to nothing to get my kiddo to camp and to work and pick her up and I come like, 12th.
I’m not all woe as me. I promise. I am so so grateful to have my kid and I sometimes wish I had 3 more. But as I have a bladder infection again, I am going to urgent care after work and I am really trying not hard to not stress about my kiddo being picked up by her dad. I am not going to my regular doctor which would cost less, because I don’t want to let my job down. I feel like I am always trying to put puzzle pieces together on a daily basis to make everything work and I fall by the wayside.
My guy always says he needs to move on down here so that he can take care of me. I can’t wait until that day happens. I love talking care of him, and he is so great and thoughtful and is always thinking of my welfare. What a breath of fresh air! I think the big problems is, outside of my mom, I have had no one ever take care of me. I am so ready to be taken care of by my man. I am ready to relinquish a little bit of control and have him step in some. Letting go is so hard for me because even with God as my legit co-pilot, I still try to take over the plane. I have had to do for me for so long that I am not used to doing anything but thinking or planning or doing.
I used to think feel selfish making a Starbucks run and not getting anything for my daughter. But it was something special for me and that treat was enough. Now that has become so routine and honestly not special anymore. So I think from this point on, I will schedule something small for myself 2 times a month. Like maybe an eyebrow wax, or a short drive to a beautiful place to read or write. Maybe if I have it on my calendar, I can/will prioritize me. I suggest you all to do the same. Taking care of others, is the epitome of life, but if you don’t care for yourself, then it is pretty freaking difficult to take care of others.