So, when your mom gets ill, you realize how wack taking her (or anyone) for granted is…

So, I am a good daughter. Really, I am. But I am impatient with my mom. We have that 30 year difference, and she is just not like me at all. I am high energy and I don’t sleep a lot and I care about being healthy and I am the opposite of sedentary. She is all like- sleep a bunch, snack a bunch and drinks coffee all day and still wants a nap. She is super southern, I am really not. She is an amazing person and is so giving and caring and will help anyone, and has paid my rent more times than I can count since I have been a single mom. I have always tried to pay her back as much as I could or to let her know how much I appreciate her. But when I called her cell today and my aunt had some news, I cried and immediately thought- you are a selfish b—- and a bad daughter.

I try very hard to appreciate everyone in my life who is good to me and I let them know it as often as I can. I tell my best guy and my best girl (my kiddo) how much I love them constantly and I do the same with my mom, though I don’t see and talk to her as much as I do them because they are local. But I do get annoyed easily, especially when someone has a not-so-nice tone with me or is snippy with me. And she does that a lot. She has a kind of rude husband, who is short with her and in turn she is like that with me. Sometimes, I am like that back, or I initiate the not so kind tone. Most of the time it has nothing to do with her and I usually preface it by saying I have a lot going on, or I am in a bad mood, can I call you when I get home?

I am bitchy sometimes, and I am far from perfect, but I do apologize for my bad behavior. I think though, it is human nature for most of us to take the people in our lives that we care the most about, for granted, big time! It is not something nice to admit. I can’t be the only one that takes out my frustrations on those closest to me, can I? I try to be cognizant on some level daily of how blessed I am with my kid, mom and guy. I even pray for them at 11:11. It is some trend with the teens to post at that time and tag a friend that they are thinking of. So I made it into a prayer time. I even take little snapshots mentally, of my kid laughing or singing a song or even watching YouTube. Because, I know that this too shall pass, meaning thatΒ  she won’t be a teen forever!

In all of my thankfulness, I yell too much. I get angered over stupid things. I make mistakes. I misunderstand. I blow things out of proportion. I don’t appreciate enough. I try my best to, but the flesh side of me is selfish and wins more times than I would like. When I found out my mom blacked out today during lunch, all of the guilt of my sins against her came flooding forward. The lack of regard or sometimes respect that sometimes happen with parents and children, but a lot of times with moms and their daughters. Whether you think it is sexist or not, people of the same gender often butt heads more than of the opposite gender. There are exceptions to rules always, but it is often the case.

I am going to try my hardest to not get so impatient with my mom, or take things personally when she says something off-color towards me. We have had a rocky history, particularly in my late teens and 20’s, but there is a real bond there and she would give anything for me to be happy and successful in all that I do. But I think sometimes that she just doesn’t relate to me as a person, so she gets kind of upset with me because we do not see things in a similar way and she isn’t willing to bend and compromise. Being the fact that she is a senior citizen, and she is the only mom I will ever have, I don’t want to talk the talk any longer. I truly am going to walk the walk and count my blessings even more often and give thanks to Jesus Christ that I still have her around. So many people would love to have the opportunity to speak with their mom again.

Sometimes a scared or mini-tragedy or upsetting event can be the wake up call we need. As far as I know right now, she is going to be okay and she is just in the hospital for observation. But after today, I am awake and aware! Please stop right now and realize your blessings. Whether you have faith in God or not, you are alive and well enough to read this. So- Hug your kid, your pet, your parent, or your love. Do not let something terrible happen and live with regret. Life is too fleeting to do anyting else but be happy and embrace all of life’s gifts and the people within. As the Tim McGraw song goes: “Live Like You Were Dying”…

simply~

Dee

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