I totally woke up today thinking out how I missed having a best friend to talk to everyday, or on a regular basis. I had a series of best friends at different stages of my life like most of us have. In Kindergarten, Elementary, High School and College. Even when I went back to college in my mid-20’s to finish up my Bachelor’s, I had a crew of friends that were at my place consistently. Then I started career work and did not bond with the people in those 2 different jobs for different reasons. One job, was just super stressful and we worked long hours and the women were older with families so their was no commonality. The second career job was with all men, and I did not feel respect or a sense of belonging. Then over the last decade I have been a mom and have taken care of kids, so outside of the parents of the kids I have cared for or friends I have met because I in “mom” situations (park, dance classes, kid events, etc.), I haven’t met tons of people.
I think it is an awkward time when babies are l little. Many stay at home moms and dad feel a sense of isolation. I remember being super lonely and trying to start a mom’s group or join one. It was super tough to start one because there were so many established ones in this area. On the other hand, it was hard to go to a mom’s club because I worked taking care of kids so my schedule was not wide open. So, as much as I loved being around for my child, particularly during her early years, I wanted someone to talk to besides my husband or the grocery store clerk. It also did not help that my husband and his friends were super immature and club goers, so it is not like I was invited to a lot of couples events, because most of his friends were not in committed relationships.
Now I am in a different situation. I am a single mom in a land of families everywhere. So the close friends I have who are “kept”, do not have to work, and they do couples events. I have the occasional lunch/dinner or drinks with these women, but it is much less now that our kids are older and are going in so many directions with activities and parties. So, for a long, long time I have missed my college best friend who is over 600 miles away and a lot of other friends who really know me before I was a parent but they live all over the country.
I had a friend last year who I talked to every day for months on end. We had known each other for a few years because we met at a local Starbucks and I would see her there all of the time. After knowing each other awhile, we decided to hang out and do a girl’s day with my kid. After hanging out, she was literally my bestie. We had best friend bracelets event-I know silly!!! She would text me or call me every morning and night and we would hang out any time my daughter had a sleepover or camping trip or event. We would even hang out with my kid because she adores her.
But one day, she kind of stopped and I felt crushed. It sounds utterly ridiculous, but our friendship became comfy and there was someone I could tell things to besides my mom or daughter or a best friend that I talk to every couple of weeks. And, she was local, so that made it more fun.She is single though and she dates freely and has a completely different life and schedule and is younger than me. But I was so excited to have someone I could be myself with like my friends from long ago. So it took me a couple of months to get adjusted to not talking to her as much because whatever funk she was going through. Even though we still talk now, and she is there for my daughter’s important events, or for my birthday, we don’t have the same sister like relationship.
I guess shows like Friends and Sex and the City lulled me into this false sense of belief that I too at 30ish would have a close knit group of friends that I can hang with. But honestly, most people my age and a majority of the moms that I have befriended over the last 10 years are just homely and boring. I vowed to never be a mom that discusses diaper genies or to drive a mini-van. Most of my friends drive a mini-van and there cars are pretty cool on the inside, so that isn’t what makes them not cool to hang with. They are just so lost in their familial relationships, that they have lost the fun part of themselves. Though I am totally dedicated to my daughter, I still dress stylish and know the latest music and I am a part of a woman’s small group that meets once a month. I go to wine tastings every couple of months. Basically, though I have no hubby or man in my life, I am more than just a parent.
I guess I am looking for a Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte or Miranda to meet up with. I want to be around people if they have children, put them first. But I also want these same people to put themselves at a very close second. In other words, not act like they are 60. Maybe in this stage of my life it is difficult to find a bestie to meet up with who gets who I am and can relate to where I am in my life. Perhaps I am expecting to much from people. Maybe if I got married again it would be a cinch? Or maybe, having a best friend is not something I should be worried about. But when I watch movies and television and see friends on social media hanging with theirs, I miss having someone who is like a sister to talk to.
Sound pathetic? Probably so, but this is what I am feeling right now and pitiful or not it is the truth. Do you guys have besties you hang with? Am I the only person out there who feels the need to meet more friends and make more connections? Surely I am not. Well anyway, have a good night and enjoy your weekend! Funnily enough, we are going out of state to NJ to see a very good friend for the weekend. So I guess I have a good number of friends, but not the fun-loving, secret keeping, fabulous sidekick that I wish for:)
4 thoughts on “Is it silly as a grown woman to long for a best friend?”
I can completely relate to this. I have, like you, had many best friends over the years but currently dont have one. Im in my mid twenties and work full time – my most recent close friends are younger, more immature, and work night shifts in bars – which means that ive lost contact with them all. I dont do social nights that often so dont meet new people, however, im trying to be optimistic this year with the idea that right now a best friend is not needed in my life. When they are they will come intk my life and serve that purpose. I cant wait for that, ill be honest!
I bet it is tough for you. I remember that stage too before having a child when some of my friends were party people and some were married and settled down. I was in the middle. You will meet good people if you just involve yourself in things that you love. For example, religious activities or wine tasting or volunteer work. Meetup.com is a cool website where you join virtually any club or group that you can imagine. If I had more time, I would join more. I am going on an activity with my child to a single parent group that we found on there. Everyone brings their kids and all of the kids play while the adults chat. They do things like skiing and ice skating or the movies. I hope and pray that someone awesome will come into your life that you have tons in common with and you guys can be best friends for life!
Take care and thanks!
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Thank you, Dee. I have joined meet up but havent found anything that grabs my attention yet. Ive also been looking at different volunteering activities to try and get out and about but I dont think it’s the right time of year. Thank you for your suggestions though, I’m staying positive and hoping that my new job will bring in an array of new friendships. Ive been reading a book called The Chimp Paradox which talks about the way different people think and the different things they require in friendships – its a great insight if you’re interested in psychology 🙂
Thank you, again!
I just logged on.:) My first degree is in Psychology, so I would love to read it. Thanks for the suggestion. I don’t know if you like Psychological thrillers, but Kellerman has great ones. I know it is totally opposite from what you are speaking of, but just thought I would throw it in.
Well, maybe you will find interesting groups on Meetup eventually. It does depend on your area too. D.C. is packed with them. Hope to talk to you soon!
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